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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2014, 01:36 PM
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I agree I am enabling her...but how do i explain to my kids why the police are outside with mommy. They were very protective of mom when she showed up at the family event screaming and ranting and just wanted to leave with her.I cant imagine how it would effect them to see police at the house. I know she is doing this to hurt me and its working but its so hard to know what to do. As for going to court to ask for 50-50...first of all..im not really sure how to do that..but im seeing a lawyer ...and second..the truth is..im terrified that if i go to court and ask for 50-50 a judge will say..hey look buddy..u havent paid support for a year...so im taking the kids away entirely. im sure im not being rationale...but i only see my kids 4/14 days as it is..i cant stand to lose anymore time with them.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2014, 01:38 PM
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having said that..i do have appt with lawyer...and as scared as i am to lose the kids..i have to start taking action.
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Old 05-15-2014, 01:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by very_sad_dad View Post
I agree I am enabling her...but how do i explain to my kids why the police are outside with mommy. They were very protective of mom when she showed up at the family event screaming and ranting and just wanted to leave with her.I cant imagine how it would effect them to see police at the house. I know she is doing this to hurt me and its working but its so hard to know what to do. As for going to court to ask for 50-50...first of all..im not really sure how to do that..but im seeing a lawyer ...and second..the truth is..im terrified that if i go to court and ask for 50-50 a judge will say..hey look buddy..u havent paid support for a year...so im taking the kids away entirely. im sure im not being rationale...but i only see my kids 4/14 days as it is..i cant stand to lose anymore time with them.
First off you need to understand that you have a right to see your kids, and that right is in no way tied to support. Support is a separate issue, and even deadbeat dads have a right to see their kids.

As to what to tell the kids, you need to position it positively. You are their parent too, and you want to spend time with them. You and their mother are trying to work it out, but it is difficult. DON'T say anything that denegrates their mother.

What you have to worry about more than the support issue is the status quo. Her lawyer will tell the judge that you haven't been using 50/50 access, haven't asked for it, and therefore there is an established status quo that should remain. You need to counter that you have repeatedly (and have evidence to show it) asked for more access and been denied. Judges do not like to see that parents restrict access when their is no agreement in place. You need your ducks in a row. You need to make formal requests with registered letters, not just emails or texts. You need to be firm.

It is in your children's best interest to have a good relationship with you, don't let them down.
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Old 05-15-2014, 02:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by very_sad_dad View Post
having said that..i do have appt with lawyer...and as scared as i am to lose the kids..i have to start taking action.
You DEFINITELY wont get less access than every other weekend and Wednesdays.
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Old 05-15-2014, 05:10 PM
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I also agree with paying offset CS now. You have no formal signed agreement of any sort saying anything about access or CS. The default is still equal parenting and supporting the kids in proportion to both incomes. You believe that you should have 50-50, so offset CS is entirely appropriate. The fact that your ex is denying you 50-50 is her own choice, not anything you agreed to. Later in court, a judge will see that you have been paying CS voluntarily despite the access fight. You will look more reasonable.

As for your ex interfering with your access, you'll have to do your best to work around her. Don't tell her what your activities will be with the kids. Pick them up at school as normal, then take them wherever you like for the weekend. Return them to school the next school day as normal. If you don't tell her you'll be at a family function, she can't show up there to mess things up. In fact, try to not be home at all when she's trying to cut your access off early. If you get the impression she'll show up at a time other than what pickup time is supposed to be, leave the house. Go out for ice cream, or take the kids to the park or a movie, or whatever. A movie is perfect because your daughter will have to turn her phone off!

And if you aren't already, start doing all communication about access and agreements and arrangements by email. That way you have documentation about what is happening. Have someone subtly take video of her ranting and raving if she shows up places she shouldn't be. I agree that calling the police isn't appropriate, and there's little they can do if there's no agreement with a clause for police enforcement anyway for you to show them. But having recordings of her unreasonable behaviour and habit of manipulating the kids into leaving your access early will be very useful in court.
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Old 05-15-2014, 06:23 PM
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Rioe I'm curious - do people actually show recordings of another parent 'losing it' in court? What stage of court process would these recordings be used?
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Old 05-15-2014, 06:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Rioe I'm curious - do people actually show recordings of another parent 'losing it' in court? What stage of court process would these recordings be used?
I have no idea, unfortunately, as I managed to avoid the court process. But surely having video evidence is better than 'he said she said' in court?

There's got to be a big difference in an affidavit between
Quote:
"Your honour, on dates X, Y and Z, the ex showed up earlier than pickup time and had a temper tantrum until the kids got upset and left with her. Please see recordings A, B and C."
and
Quote:
"Your honour, she has shown up earlier than pickup time and had a temper tantrum until the kids left with her."
"No I haven't!"
The judge may never watch them, but their existence could make a difference.

Even just knowing you are recording might make an ex behave better. Perhaps someone with court experience could chime in here.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2014, 07:34 PM
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FYI - i do have several recordings. Ive tried to document every incident extensively just in case I ever needed to use it. I read on one site that judges would not view recordings but that a transcript of the recording could be submitted as proof. not sure how accurate the info is as i found it on a random site.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2014, 07:43 PM
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I just wondered because it seems that when we watch TV videos on police brutality (just as an example) the outcome of the so-called 'investigation' ends in charges being dismissed for a variety of different technical/legal reasons. I would therefore think a judge would direct the video to an expert to assess and make recommendations at a trial.

So yes I guess the threat of having one's bad behavior on tape might be a deterrent should the issue not be settled. All in all this amounts to a tremendously expensive, and lengthy, process.
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