Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Introductions

Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2011, 07:16 PM
hjp hjp is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
hjp is on a distinguished road
Default

Yes, I do indeed need to keep her on the insurance plan until a divorce is final. Tomorrow I talk with a friend that recently went through a divorce to see what first steps I need to take. Thanks for the support!
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2011, 09:06 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: southwestern ontario
Posts: 111
momof6 is on a distinguished road
Default

sorry to hear about your predicament. I do wonder why on earth it has taken this long to ask these questions and seek a separation.

Most people on disability receive some compensation or medications are covered by ODSP (in Ontario). As far as spousal support goes, it is my understanding that spousal support can be for an indefinite period of time if a partner is disabled.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 09-21-2011, 09:36 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kingston, ON
Posts: 968
ddol1 is on a distinguished road
Default

To your wife who sadly has, by her choice, affected not only herself but her husband's future and any hope of a future together as you put it, "How long does she really have left". But it screams mental health issues from begining to end - she has been to the ER so many times that would it not be possible to have your wife evaluated by mental health?? There is the only hope for her from what you posted.

The other posts were tops for what you need to do to protect yourself from here on out. There is a question of her health care costs, benefits and similar. I believe in the Ontario Family Law Act there is a section just on this issue - The social obligations of a spouse, society in general and this is why we hear and read on CANLII the decisions that mandate health care insurance for as long as possible (if you have the choice to leave or remove a spouse - the judge in essence removes that right from the person who does have the insurance).

What is less clear when I read the text is something your lawyer should clarify based on your circumstancce but the words implied that the social obligation to spouses can extend beyond the "normal and customary" duration and amount to the disadvantaged spouse in total can exceed the amounts any software or guide may produce.

I personally have interest in this area due to my circumstance (specifically the 5 years of trying to find what works and the cost with out my stbx's health insurance - based on my income is just not doable). Legal advice indicates that spousal support used to be determined more on a needs basis (a budget for living expenses) which is now going to a percentage of total income of both spouses with the payor being left with at leaast get that data that connect Fafslightly more. But with unusually high medical expenses I will need to prepare both ways as my expenses will impact spousal support amounts.

Should this be true (and I am determining what social assisstance is available in my circumstance to arrive at the best number I possibly can) his words were, "It will be in your stbx's best interest not to cut me off her benefit for any reason until it is mandated by her insurance policy or future court decision if it gets that far. (the first time every hearing this) You would be wise to think, or at least take note that not everyone gets that final divorce - learning instead to accept seperation as the possible outcome to your 24 year union to maintain your benefit under her plan and advantage to her as well - limiting the potential level of spousal support she may have to pay.

A similar post of mine and a direct quote from Mess a while back applies equally well here, "Do not ever count your chickens before the eggs hatch" - can go both ways. In the times of extreme emotional stress for most people make your choices using your head with sound information and not your heart\pocket book.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 09-22-2011, 04:19 AM
hjp hjp is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 5
hjp is on a distinguished road
Default

Good grief, this spousal/medical support is beginning to scare the hell out of me. I can't talk to a lawyer soon enough (tomorrow) to try and wrap my head around this.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 10-30-2011, 12:13 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default

What is your age? Your income? and your wife's age?
Also.. what is height/weight for each of you?

Strongly suggest you immediately move to change your lifestyle.. or housing.. or whatever you have to.. to get yourself into a monthly surplus situation. Cut up credit cards if you need to. Sounds like you are bleeding $$.. and you need to stop the bleeding. And if you don't, you aren't doing any better than she is at "managing the situation".
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-30-2011, 03:03 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kingston, ON
Posts: 968
ddol1 is on a distinguished road
Default

I just reread my last post - a few lines were jibberish - sorry. I do have issues personally and as I concentrate my brain shuts off without my realizing it.... I usually reread but this time i didn't........ I also pass out mid post, try again, and again - sooner or later I hit send or I just hit the delete key when I discover what I typed really doesn't make much sense. Why I say this is for the plain reason that I have taken a few (actually it has taken more than a few) years to get a handle on this. For years my wife thought when I carried on conversations with absolutely no recollection, that I did it on purpose, and even more, that if I really loved her I would never do this, or I wouldn't just fall over in mid speech as either one of us spoke (in effect, passing out). She still claims I actually had control over what was happening to me.

BeenThereTwice has good advice - you do need to get your house in really good order, even more so than most when facing seperation, for your own future, for your own protection - even that of your stbx. Here is a thought that entered my mind as i read this and a few other similar posts - your wife may not have control, she is spinning out of control, her life and everything around her, including sadly, you. You are leaving because you can't take it anymore. If you have seen the lawyer (probably not yet) one thing that you can think of is what and how are you going to swing this?

I am not a professional anything when it comes to helping or giving any sort of concrete advice in the situation you face. What I present is a thought, possibly something you can pursue. No matter what follows, you must make the choices that are right for you, your health and your spirit. Life is short and you need to make a choice that takes your personal happiness and more, your future, into account over anything else. So now....... going out on a limb.....

Your best protection today may be to stay married for now. Get super control of your finances and liabilities and most importantly figure out how to get your wife to want to get the help she needs. If you can get (perhaps help is a better word?) your wife onto the path of wellness (it can't be forced on her - she has to want it for herself) your role could be in this scenario, to do what it takes to get your wife to find the strength to get that help, to make the improvements in her own life so she can better able support herself. In otherwords, you take the time and energy to help your wife today, in turn you directly help yourself by potentially reducing your support liability tomorrow. It will be a win, win, win scenario. This may take a huge amount of effort and energy on your part at a time when you just want to through in the towel.....

Think how different your situation could be if your wife got the help, she accepts the help, drastically turns her life around, begins to live a new life which is more stable and productive, she gets a steady job and after all that, you then again face the choice of what you want to do.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-30-2011, 07:36 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 95
BeenThereTwice is on a distinguished road
Default Let me add....

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
Your best protection today may be to stay married for now.
I was thinking exactly the same thing. As it is your are bleeding cash. You can't cope financially month over month. And if you separate, you will have no more cash, and double the housing cost. You aren't ready for that.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-30-2011, 08:36 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: East, small community
Posts: 226
Lorac is on a distinguished road
Default

Good morning HJP

I posted earlier about having my X put back on my Health Plan. I was able to do it at a cost of almost $1300.00. When I left I took him off of it so I had to pay from February 2011 to September 2011 to get him back on it. Whereas I was only paying $71.00 a month for myself it now costs me $206.00 a month. My X is also on a CPP Disability Pension and gets roughly $1040.00 per month and that's the high end. I would imagine if your wife has not reached 60 years of age and that she is on Ontario Disability Suppot Program (ODSP) My X's drugs cost more than $2,100.00 a month. My total income for the year is $27,000.00. We have been to court and my X was asking for $595.00 a month in Spousal Support. The judge said that both of us are seniors and neither one of us has any money to speak of. He awarded my X $144.00 a month + having to re-instate him on my H.P. When I turn 65 all support stops and so does the Health Care. I can live with this as it will be only for another 3 years. Luckily my X and I are only 3 months apart in age so I will only have to pay him SS for an extra 3 months until I turn 65. He turned 62 in September and I will turn 62 in January.

Hope this helps
L
Closed Thread

Tags
alimony, bankruptcy, divorce


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do you feel guilt or regret? Pink Divorce Support 51 08-14-2012 11:48 AM
My story - long and more like therapy for me PLEASE FEEL FREE TO INSULT atlanticcanadian Divorce Support 8 06-20-2011 11:50 AM
Pending Trial ConcernenedStepMom78 Divorce & Family Law 101 01-07-2011 10:01 AM
I feel nauseous :( Boxer Divorce Support 34 10-25-2010 03:58 PM
Feel sad and guilty bman Divorce Support 3 03-17-2006 01:54 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:35 AM.