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Old 04-04-2012, 07:17 PM
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Question "even if i am the one who wants to be free"

Opened my account here a while back but didn't quite know what to say or where to start. Seems like one way or another, we have the same woes. So, i just wish to convey that i feel content to be here, amongst all of us, kindred spirits...

First time for me so call me a newbie. Working on first draft of separation agreement (Ontario)...quite overwhelming ~ the form...so i dropped it for a bit and conducted a property inventory room per room, plotted things on an excel sheet :-) and identified which ones i want to keep and which he may want to keep. Some discussions took place on this already so it looks like we won't have a major problem on who gets what...except perhaps that charming cherry dining set...LOL.

Kidding aside, my first issue deals with CHRONOLOGY: effectively, which one really first ~ like really! We both work for the federal government (hence pension split a separation item) but anticipate the pension calculation to take quite a bit of time in time to be able to include any provisions surrounding it within the separation agreement, BUT to apply for the pension split, we need to complete a separation agreement as a supporting document. So this is a chicken and egg question . Appreciate some input for those who have experienced this.

My second issue deals with lawyers. Logically i think we need one each to have a fairer representation, but do we, really? If we come to terms with all items in the separation agreement and the only thing a lawyer needs to do is to determine the fairness within the terms we agreed upon under Ontario family law? Can one lawyer effectively look after both our interests? Could save us some $?!? Appreciate some comments here.

Well, there are a lot of us trying to get a slice of your time in this forum and i don't wanna monopolize your time. So i will end my query here and hope that someone takes notice of my post and lends a helping hand!

Cheers,
2bFREE2012
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Old 04-04-2012, 07:57 PM
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Welcome
It sounds as though you are not in an acrimonious split. Nice to know that it is possible. As well, it sounds as though both of you have good, secure jobs. Another big plus.

Any Children? I'm thinking not, since there was no mention.

Great on both of you that things are agreeable but it is not advisable for one lawyer to deal with both of you. It is always a very good idea to get ILA. You two come to your agreement, he gives his counsel the go ahead after having reviewed it with him/her. And you do the same. THAT should be the end of it. That certainly does put you into the lucky minority of people who separate amicably. Good Luck.
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:27 PM
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What hadenough said... but just a warning, some lawyers like to create conflict to ensure they can hand you a big bill...

If you and your ex are agreeable to the terms, make sure you go to a lawyer knowing what you want... do not allow them to pick apart your agreement when you guys agree with the terms... when this happens, you will quickly find yourself in a nasty divorce.

Best of luck!
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:31 PM
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Good point bf. I've just found most lawyers aren't too keen on advising 2 ppl in a split. Forgive me too, as I've been burned sideways to Sunday - so I tend to err on the side of caution. Some days I'd even admit to it being more like paranoia
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:34 PM
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Hey 2befree
For your pensions you both need to fill out form 2488 from Public Works (PWGSC), I also filled out form 2483 (Stat Dec. of separating).
You will get a letter that states what the other person is entitled to under the Superannuation Act. I received a reply in the mail 2 weeks after I faxed the forms over.

Good luck!
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:00 PM
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Default Appreciation for quick reply/advice!

Thanks to all of you who responded to my post tonight~already !
Excellent set of advice. Will pay heed.
Cheers,
2bfree2012
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:29 PM
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Welcome, welcome
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:30 PM
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I had to say welcome twice in order to use enough characters to submit
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Old 04-05-2012, 07:04 AM
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Question Implications for joint legal&physical custody; principal residence

Thanks hadenough. Yes, children: two (ages 20 and 11).

To all, I continue to educate myself and this forum is awesome for this, not only in getting specific responses to my specific questions, providing valuable tips in dealing with other questions i may not have YET considered..so is a proactive guide for me, and offering triggers to new questions that i feel i need to address. Is a bottomless pit it seems, but knowledge is power, I appreciate the learning. So, step by step, trek continues...

Question #1 concerns custody and principal residence. A lot of materials out there but can't find info on bottom line implications i.e., does having joint legal and physical custody have any TAX or OTHER implications? Like, if our circumstances change later and become acrimonious. How do we provide for shifts in custody arrangements within the separation agreement; do we just draft another later if things change? I understand the issue that concerns many is 'enforcement' so i am trying to risk-manage it by providing for it NOW within the legal agreement. Some proactive clause to allow for changes in our arrangements in case the one we have now is not going to work.

Question #2: what about this notion of "principal residence" for the child: any adverse or negative ramifications? One reading material indicate: "there may be an arrangement where there is joint custody of the children, but the children have primary residence with one of the parents." I would like to provide assurance to my soon to be ex that if our kids take up principal residence with me, it will not create any negative implications for him. But i want to write in the kids' principal residence is with ME.

Question #3: Related question is still around support but this is for an older child. What to do with the 20 year old in terms of the 'support' clauses within the separation agreement: an article says 'supporting your children is a life-long responsibility, and it doesn't normally end when they turn 18 as many believe. I just want to make sure this is provided for within the document...or am i being too anal about this part?

Pointers, please?

Cheers,
2bFREE2012



Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
Welcome
It sounds as though you are not in an acrimonious split. Nice to know that it is possible. As well, it sounds as though both of you have good, secure jobs. Another big plus.

Any Children? I'm thinking not, since there was no mention.

Great on both of you that things are agreeable but it is not advisable for one lawyer to deal with both of you. It is always a very good idea to get ILA. You two come to your agreement, he gives his counsel the go ahead after having reviewed it with him/her. And you do the same. THAT should be the end of it. That certainly does put you into the lucky minority of people who separate amicably. Good Luck.
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Old 04-05-2012, 08:37 AM
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Welcome - a couple of answers, in the areas I am familiar with. First of all, you should get a free consultation with a lawyer just to get some practical reactions to your draft agreement. When I did (very early on) I was shocked at how many "illegal" ideas we had agreed to. Get the structure reviewed (SS/CS numbers, years of SS to be paid, custody, equalization, etc) and then negotiate on your own within that range. Unless you do a lot of reading, it's a bit overwhelming at first.
Now for the 20 year old, it depends on the situation, living at home, student, working, etc... Divorced parents are on the hook for the first post secondary degree. After that, it's a grey area. You are responsible until the child becomes independent, that is was is meant by "forever" LOL.
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