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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 08-02-2012, 07:19 PM
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Mcdreamy----Thanks, your post addresses exactly what I meant, it gives a perception and experience to the OP for her to consider. It's truly nice to see a mature response, and something the OP can think about, honest, direct and sincere.
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 08-03-2012, 01:10 AM
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Quote:
They are a lot of work, though - include that into your equation of what your new life might look like
New dogs need constant care but I would also add that they're extremely expensive to take care of...

The OP complained of financial worries and in my area there was recently an article in the paper about people having to give up their animals because of the economy.

Plus, since she's not separated, she'll be using joint funds to purchase the dog which will mean that in the event of a divorce, he may have a claim to the dog. My opinion is that she should wait.

p.s. Thank you Tayken
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Old 08-03-2012, 01:20 AM
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you really thing the OP was asking for advice on whether or not to get a dog.

F****uck. I'm so done on this thread.
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Old 08-03-2012, 01:33 AM
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Are you talking to me Arabian?

If so, see my original post...cause no I don't think its about a dog. I was actually responding to what McDreamy advised.

However, I can tell you from people I've known who've had the emotional trauma of losing a dog...either through divorce or death...it can be as extreme for some people as losing a kid. I don't think, given the OP's issues, she needs to complicate her situation any further. And since she's talking about picking up the dog soon, I'd say it was relevant. I think taking on a pet and being responsible for more than one life is a big deal...whether or not you agree.
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Old 08-03-2012, 09:28 AM
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Of course it's not all about the dog. That's just the only aspect of her situation we can easily advise her on. The rest is therapy.

My point of view that getting the dog is a big mistake still stands, for all the points made above, and more.

I think it's akin to having a child to try to save a failing marriage. Seeking out a new life that will love her unconditionally as a substitute for the man who isn't. Wrong on all levels.

Plus, the dog could be used as a weapon against her. She's already said her husband is controlling. It's easy for the situtation to jump to "Do X like I said or I do Y to the dog."

I get the vague undercurrent that she was hoping to use walking the dog as an excuse to get out of the house. There are lots of other ways to do that.
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 08-03-2012, 09:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Of course it's not all about the dog. That's just the only aspect of her situation we can easily advise her on. The rest is therapy.

My point of view that getting the dog is a big mistake still stands, for all the points made above, and more.
I agree. Trying to objectify the potential missing love in the relationship on a new pet will only make things worse. It is a common behaviour pattern for people in an emotional situation like this.

Although the unconditional love from a pet is wonderful, it doesn't circumvent what the reason the pet was purchased for...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
I think it's akin to having a child to try to save a failing marriage. Seeking out a new life that will love her unconditionally as a substitute for the man who isn't. Wrong on all levels.
I agree. A pet is not going to solve any problems in the long term and in fact, it can make things worse as pointed out by other posters. If one can't address their own emotional and personal needs how can they care for a dependent pet?

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 08-03-2012, 10:41 AM
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I agree. Trying to objectify the potential missing love in the relationship on a new pet will only make things worse. It is a common behaviour pattern for people in an emotional situation like this.
I don't know why Arabian jumped down my throat. I think the OP's deflection is extremely important.

Its very similar to a woman who decides to have a child to save her marriage. The reason its so relevant are all the ones given earlier PLUS it acts as a distraction.

The OP will get a dog...divert attention and time there instead of getting help for her issues...the dog will temporarily mask the symtoms and the problems....and things will get worse and then she'll have the additional worry of losing her dog in the divorce.

People often use distractions to avoid having to deal with problems in their life and it often causes even bigger problems and wastes a lot of valuable time. Its also extremely unfair to the pet.
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