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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-02-2012, 01:34 PM
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^ good advice and I concur totally
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Old 08-02-2012, 05:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by murphyslaw View Post
Read the thread again,this guy sounds very manipulating and controlling.Who says that after the ex paints a picture of him as the victim of the marriage, that the new woman wont be out defending her man ?I would refrain from blaming the new woman for the ills of a divorce-people can be conned into believing anything.Although I would like to point out a simple rule.If he or she is not on speaking terms with ANY of his or her exes...he or she is most likely the problem.
i have read the thread. My issue if you would read properly is that arabian automaticaly thinks badly of all new spouses, gfs etc. If you have read some of arabians other posts you will see what i mean. Just because someone is involved with someone doesnt automatically mean that the person is trying or going to try and tell the person how to rip off the ex.

Exs are exs for a reason. There are some ex boyfriends I will never talk to again in my life. I definatly willl not talk to the ex I married when I was 20. Some people do not see the need to talk to their exs.

Last edited by standing on the sidelines; 08-02-2012 at 05:26 PM.
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Old 08-02-2012, 05:40 PM
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standing -

You have every right to disagree with me. This is a forum where we express our opinions. Some of us have different moral standards than others. Get over it.
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Old 08-02-2012, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
i have read the thread. My issue if you would read properly is that arabian automaticaly thinks badly of all new spouses, gfs etc. If you have read some of arabians other posts you will see what i mean. Just because someone is involved with someone doesnt automatically mean that the person is trying or going to try and tell the person how to rip off the ex.

Exs are exs for a reason. There are some ex boyfriends I will never talk to again in my life. I definatly willl not talk to the ex I married when I was 20. Some people do not see the need to talk to their exs.
I agree. The issue is never the new partner, it's the ex spouse's responsibility to ensure a co-operative relationship on his/her end and that includes setting the expectations of the new patner. If the new partner is involved then the ex has opened the door for that. Can't blame the new partner for the action/ inaction of the ex.
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Old 08-02-2012, 06:01 PM
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Back to the OP - yes we live in an interesting world. Hope things go well for you.
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Old 08-02-2012, 06:39 PM
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The OP--is truly in need of direction as many of us are and to pick apart a post loses the purpose of the entire purpose of this forum. Our Personnal beliefs on x's unless it addresses the questions put forth are without merit.
Please let's stick to advice or share experiences instead of commenting on a post, I think it would be appropriate to just say ______ believes that x's (interfere or don;t interfere or should interfere or shouldnt interfere) has not been my experience and then get right back to the point of this forum---answer the question or suggest direction.
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Old 08-02-2012, 06:48 PM
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Thank you momforever1956. The OP sounds like she's at her wits ends and needs some encouragement.

No1bet: You will find hurdles along your way and not everyone will agree with what you decide to do. That's ok as no one walks in your shoes. I think you have received some good advice and a support group would certainly be a good starting off point for you. A quick call to some of the sorts of places that have been suggested certainly will do no harm and you might end up feeling rather empowered by the process. Good luck.
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Old 08-02-2012, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by momforever1956 View Post
The OP--is truly in need of direction as many of us are and to pick apart a post loses the purpose of the entire purpose of this forum. Our Personnal beliefs on x's unless it addresses the questions put forth are without merit.
Please let's stick to advice or share experiences instead of commenting on a post, I think it would be appropriate to just say ______ believes that x's (interfere or don;t interfere or should interfere or shouldnt interfere) has not been my experience and then get right back to the point of this forum---answer the question or suggest direction.
Thank you for your input. I'm sure everyone will take it into consideration. In the meantime, we'll let everyone think for themselves.
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Old 08-02-2012, 07:12 PM
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Good grief, typical response. Perhaps you should start a thread for Standing as well over in general chat, so she can continue her focus on arabian? I see you already have one over there dedicated to the ongoing drama between the hens. I'm starting to wonder about Jeff's choice of moderators.

No1Bet: If I were in your shoes, I would definitely go and get the puppy! I did many cycles of invitro, completely and drastically unsuccessful, and after my 3rd miscarriage I felt so alone and adrift. No one I knew at that time seemed to understand my feelings, my depression, I saw the cutest little bichon at a garden nursey.. she made me smile. I’ve also worked emotionally through that period of my life.. But 6 years later, this dog still makes me smile when she bounces, and offers me comfort every day. I’m so glad I went back and got her. They are a lot of work, though - include that into your equation of what your new life might look like.

Caveat: with your new allergies, you have tested to make sure you won’t be allergic to this dog, have you? I’d definitely check that out. Our bichons (I have 2 now) are supposedly non-shedding, hypoallergenic, but I’ve been told it’s not their hair, it’s their dander that causes issues to those who suffer from allergies. Research! You have to care for this animal for the rest of it's life - 12-18 years, depending on the breed. It is a huge commitment. Longer than most of the marriages of the posters on here!
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 08-02-2012, 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
Reading your post....it struck me that your problem doesn't really seem to be the man you're married to...it seems to me that you're very lost in general. While there's no doubt that your husband sounds like a bit of a jerk, per your description, its got to be hard to be married to someone who has such poor self-identity.

I think if you get to the point that you need a dog to help you find yourself, you have bigger issues than just your marriage.

My opinion is that you need to seek some counselling to work through your lingering grief and other problems so that you can become functional and independent.

Have you considered maybe doing some empowering things like applying for some classes (with financial aid) or looking for part time work?

If you're not ready for counselling, maybe get into some groups so you can talk through your thoughts?

It does sound like you're having some marital issues but i would guess that even if you leave the marriage, you're still going to have problems if you don't get some help. Do you need a divorce? Maybe but I think you need other things first....and a dog definitely isn't one of them. You can't blame your husband for not knowing who you are when you don't even know who you are. I see a woman who's looking at her husband to "fix" her financial and emotional needs and that's not really what a man...or marriage...is about.

Peace is found from within.
Excellent advice. There are many services available to assist you at a time like this. My first advice would be to talk to your family practitioner (doctor) and if they are part of a family health team they have a social worker on staff. They can make a referral to the social worker or a psychiatrist who specializes in Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

PH has given some very sage advice and I highly recommend you consider her words. The medical system is there to help you and seeking help is not something you should be worried about. It can help you find the "peace within" yourself.

Good Luck and take care!
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