Dad will help other Dads

[Decent Dad]

I have been in court for 3 years. I have joint access and joint custody. Still fighting for another year over money. My ex is the typical ex with the axe to grind. And the system is helping her all along the way.

When I am done, I am working on a book to help fathers. I am also working towards getting the Divorce Laws reformed. It is just pure bullsh*t.

The system is wrong.

I will try to help any father I can. Sorry mom, you have enough help already. BTW, I am not against mom's - just the system and people (mom's) who use it to be vindictive.

[hubby]

DecentDad,

I sense an aura of Maturity about you. You in a sense have been around the block so to say.

There was a thread about Minefields ... basically things to expect and how to avoid ... you'd be considered a 'guru' in this.

We would love to hear more about your experiences and what you have learned over the course of the years.

You have much to say ... we are all ears and I know you'll be a fantastic contributing member. We're all about helping one another in all aspects of the divorce process.

Welcome aboard DD.

Hubby

[Jeff]

Originally Posted by Decent Dad

I will try to help any father I can. Sorry mom, you have enough help already. BTW, I am not against mom's - just the system and people (mom's) who use it to be vindictive.

I just want to emphasise that these forums are here to help and support everyone, whether you're a man or a woman. Regardless of what the "system" may or may not be like, divorce is difficult on everyone and going through a messy family law case is no picnic, whether you're female or male.

[FPI]

Hi Jeff I agree you this forum is to help both husband and wife, understand the legal system and to try to get support from one another. However, being a dad that's going through the most difficult time of my life, it brings comfort in hearing what is said from others people perspective.
I am following apart, can’t sleep, and can’t concentrate, on the verge of loosing my job. It's been a living hell for the last 11 months and I haven’t even attended my case conference. It is scheduled February 22. My wife left me about 11 months ago, she took my kids and they’re clothing and nothing else. I'm still in the home while she went and lived in subsidized housing. I have tried to make her offers to settle with no response from her lawyer. They believe I' not disclosing everything, I have supplied them with my financials but that does not seem to be enough. I been paying child support, Have yet to start paying spousal support, which I'm sure the judge will award her on February case conference. I’m just so afraid I will financially be ruined which in effect might kill me. I have read several posts where the women as recieved 60 percent of the husband’s income. How those the law expect the man to live. I feel I will end up on some corner begging for money, it's so unfair that spousal support can be indefinite. What is being done about this? I agree with supporting my children, but to have her use the system to stay home is ridiculous. Don't judges recognize that it destroys a man ability to work? I make rough between $50,000. To $55,000. After all my deductions I'm left with a take home pay of roughly 1300.00 every two weeks. If I'm paying her 1650.00 how am I supposed to live? Welfare might be the only way to go. There needs to be changes made immediately. Either spouse should be responsible for them self’s. It is fine to cry to blues, but realty is most guys are just not making ends meet. I don't know how I could start my life over with this burden of spousal support. It is much too high. Just my thoughts.

[FPI]

Just to add to the last statement. On of my wifes friends just told me if he fights me for joint custody of the kids and is awarded onw week each or sole custody she will call children's aid and have them put into a foster home rather that have them with me. My kids cry when I call them because they want to see me. She tells me I have to ask her permission first. We don't even have a seperation agreement yet, other than what she worked out for herself. Every other weekend. Pick them up Saturday at 11:00 and drop them off Sunday at 8:00. Most Sundays my kids are crying because they want to stay with me. My ex went as far as telling my daughter you beter not say that you want to spend more time with your dad because I'll get mad. My daughter had made a comment to my ex saying it's not fair that dad see us two days and you see us twelve.. My heart bleeds. My eyes shed tears. The pain is to much to bear.

[FPI]

Originally Posted by FPI

Just to add to the last statement. One of my wifes friends just told me if he fights me for joint custody of the kids and is awarded onw week each or sole custody she will call children's aid and have them put into a foster home rather that have them with me. My kids cry when I call them because they want to see me. She tells me I have to ask her permission first. We don't even have a seperation agreement yet, other than what she worked out for herself. Every other weekend. Pick them up Saturday at 11:00 and drop them off Sunday at 8:00. Most Sundays my kids are crying because they want to stay with me. My ex went as far as telling my daughter you beter not say that you want to spend more time with your dad because I'll get mad. My daughter had made a comment to my ex saying it's not fair that dad see us two days and you see us twelve.. My heart bleeds. My eyes shed tears. The pain is to much to bear.

Is anyone else feeling this pain, what are you doing to stay alive.

[bearall]

Yes we are most all experiencing the pain you are feeling and the sheer emotional abuse of using children as weapons. It is hard to watch societies endorsement of disenfranchising fathers in the vast majority of instances.This isn't just sour grapes it is fact across North America. Why is it acceptable to watch a parent perform a parentectomy on a child, if the parents are being divorced that doesn't mean the children should be divorced from one half of who they are in their physical and mental make-up. It is abuse plain and simple

[bearall]

FPI
You know how to get hold of me...feel free to use me as a sounding board and share your pain to lighten your burden. I promise to help you however I can to keep your grief in check but not to ignore it. Grief in your instance is real and must be felt, look for a good therapist and rely on friends and family as much as they can handle.

[Decent Dad]

Originally Posted by Jeff

I just want to emphasise that these forums are here to help and support everyone, whether you're a man or a woman. Regardless of what the "system" may or may not be like, divorce is difficult on everyone and going through a messy family law case is no picnic, whether you're female or male.

Jeff, this is your show and good discussion/debate is always preferred. And you are correct, divorces are messy, emotionally and financially draining.

But, unless I get kicked off this forum, I will post the way I see it. 90% of the posts by women here are about money and getting sole-custody (access). 90% of male posts here are about seeing their kids and surviving after being hit with huge payments/debt. And I will try to help the dads the best I can.

[FPI]

Thanks for you incouragement Bearall and Decenddad. It is a tough battle that I'm facing, what the finally results will be only God knows at the moment.
I pray that somehow the law changes in the future and make each spouse responsible for his or her children. The way it is know men don't stand a chance from what I have read.
I Know after February Case Conference I will be devasted and most likely go into Severe Depression. I have my mom that’s really been there for me and I do get counselling. However, the pain is eating away at me. As I Wright this letters I look around my house and says to myself this is where my children were born, this is where they played, this was there home. She took that all away from them. WHY how much better can it be for her on the other side.
I strongly feel if the courts weren't so biased maybe some couples that split up might get back together. Thank you all for lisenting