Custody and Mobility

[didnthitme]

Ex-Spouse: abusive - verbal, mental, sexual, financial and controlling
Kids: 3 under 5
Custody: currently joint on interim interim parenting agreement
Timeline: Separated Oct, women shelter January, sold house February, owe in-laws 30G they lent us for the house, not working, support payments being made, huge loan from parents for mediation, lawyer, court fees and psyc assessment, ex-spouse not co-operative, lawyer not agreeable to restraining order, ex-spouse still controls where I live in the City and where I can go with children. Denied 3 requests to visit family West with children, with held passports etc. etc.
Goal: Sole custody. Move West with children to be closer to my extended family. No boyfriend in picture. Not bilingual - job in Ottawa almost impossible to pay for housing, daycare, etc.

Anybody ever get what they wanted out of this? I am not willing to comprimise, I left to salvage what is left of my self esteem and ensure my children will not grow up in such a dysfunctional family.

Losing hope, this battle is not longer a battle... ex-spouse "I will burn everything before you move West".

Help.

[dadtotheend]

Originally Posted by didnthitme

Anybody ever get what they wanted out of this? I am not willing to comprimise, I left to salvage what is left of my self esteem and ensure my children will not grow up in such a dysfunctional family.

Nobody gets everything they want out of custody battles. Being unwilling to compromise, asking for sole custody and moving the kids out of province away from the other parent is asking for a helluva lot, especially against a status quo of joint custody and shared parenting. You have a VERY uphill battle ahead of you. If Dad plays his cards even half way right, there's very little chance from what you write that you're moving those kids away from him.

[Nadia]

Why did he deny you request to visit family out West?

If I was you, I would work towards a final court order that includes a clause clearly allowing you to visit your family out West for an agreed period each year. For example, a couple of weeks in the summer or Christmas. It would help your case if you have visited family out West before separation with the children and therefore there are is an already established pattern. I think in respect to mobility, that is about the best you can expect.

I know it stinks to be in this situation when you would rather be surrounded by family. I was in a similar situation. Aside from the children, I have no family in Canada, all my family is located in the UK and Australia. Can your family come out and visit you in the meantime?

[didnthitme]

He has denied me to go out West because (I think) he believes I will not come back. During our marriage he allowed one visit with our first child as he had a race and another visit with our second child because he was there on business. I have always had to make a choice as to whether we were going to spend $ on a trip out West or we were going to spend money on renos on our family home, his racing etc.

I have never given him an inclining that I will kidnap our children and take them West.

He is very controlling in every aspect of this marriage and our divorce. I only hope that we can move after the psyc assessment.

I am not a vindictive person and feel he should be able to visit the children. To me, a 5 hour plane ride or a 5 hour drive is the same...he is not an active father - that is until we began the psyc assessment.

When I state that I do not want to compromise it is only because of the behaviour he exhibits towards me infront of the children every time we exchange them. I have asked for supervised exchanges and he has denied them. CAS has been involved in our battle already. He is derogatory, and abusive towards me - I call the police each time he acts this way.

My problem is you can not legislate people to behave in a respectable, mature manner.

[dadtotheend]

I wouldn't tell the court that you are unwilling to compromise. That makes you appear unreasonable.

There is a big difference b/w visiting out west and moving out west.

You call the police every time he is derogatory towards you? The police must be getting a little tired of that.

And the CAS has been involved in lots of people's lives. That doesn't always mean much as false or nuisance allegations are par for the course when people split up.

[Mess]

If you are seeking from the courts to move out west permanently, then he probably had a legitimate fear earlier that you would leave and not come back. Your idea to move didn't just suddenly appear out of a vacuum. I'm not say this was your intention, I'm saying he knows your situation and knows that moving would make sense to you, so he was afraid of that. This is what he will explain to the courts if you bring up his denying permission to visit. If you come across as reasonable, then you may get interim permission from the courts to visit, but if you don't come back there will be hell to pay. Again, I'm not saying you would do this, but this is going to be the discussion that comes up, and you'd best be prepared to talk about it.

[epinecone]

I am in the same situation as your former spouse (Maybe). I have always been a great father, but when she decided she was unhappy and wanted to move back to Ontario... All the sudden I was an absentee father, abusive husband, etc..etc..

I do feel for you though, the same sympathy I feel for my former spouse. She is stuck 3000+km from her Family and close friends.. If the situation were reversed and I was stuck in Onatrio, maybe I would be doing all the crazy stuff she is.

But the reality is that she and I made the decision together to live in Alberta, and raise our kids here. When she decided to leave because I was the cause of her chronic depression and fibromyalgia, her lawyer had convinced her that getting sole custody and moving to Ontario would be easy.

Instead, it is been extremely hard on everyone involved, and the only people satiated are the lawyers who have taken well over 100K from my kids future over the last two years.

It is sad that you are stuck in Ottawa, but at some point you made the decision to live there and raise a family. The kids need consistency, and stability.

The judge told my childrens mother that she could move to Ontario any time, however the kids were staying at home in Alberta..

She calls CAS and the Police routinely, but eventually they stop listening when the allegations are baseless.. I usually get a "your former spouse was in" call every six months... But thankfully the police here do not act rashly without evidence. If he is really abusive, by all means call. If you think it will work as justification for you to move and he is not really abusive, your best to stop now, as it will not reflect positively on you in the future.

[blinkandimgone]

When I state that I do not want to compromise it is only because of the behaviour he exhibits towards me infront of the children every time we exchange them. I have asked for supervised exchanges and he has denied them. CAS has been involved in our battle already. He is derogatory, and abusive towards me - I call the police each time he acts this way.

So stop putting your children and yourself in that situation. Arrange for the drop off and pick up at a neutral location in a public place or a third party exchange where neither of you has to see each other at all. Problem solved.

[HammerDad]

Originally Posted by didnthitme

To me, a 5 hour plane ride or a 5 hour drive is the same...

Yes, in the terms of time, 5 hours is 5 hours. But the cost of travel is substantially different. A 5 hour drive is a tank or 2 of fuel and a couple meals, so maybe $120-$150. A 5 hour flight out west is a few bucks more.......

[logicalvelocity]

If the mobility issue is tendered - Gordon supra will prevail.

Gordon v. Goertz - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

BTW - welcome to the forum