child wanting to move to dads

[dadof1]

Newbie to site here . I'm in a situation that probably has been discussed here before but I need some advice. Divorced since 1999, mother has been custodial parent of our daughter, who is now 15. Daughter wants to move to my house, her situation at mothers is not good. I know when I tell ex that daughter wants to move, WW3 will begin and ex and her new husband will make it even tougher on my daughter then it already is. What can we do legally, can she move to my house before any court decisions are made? I need to pull the trigger, not literally , on this soon.

[standing on the sidelines]

how long till she is 16?

[dadof1]

June. she can't stay there that long..I guarantee she will run away if she is forced to stay there.

[Mess]

If she chooses to live at your house no court will force her to move back to her mother's at the age of 15. This is not to say any court will give you custody either, a court would prefer not to make a judgement at this age and leave it to the child.

The police will NOT enforce any custody here, but they may briefly and calmly check that she is at your home out of her own free will.

This is not a situation where I would go to the courts or even necessarily deal with the mother. This is an issue between the girl and her mother, it is not your place to step and tell the mother anything.

The girl could leave at this age and go live with a boyfriend if she chose, you could not have the police or the courts force her home. Alternatively, if she ran away and lived with an aunt or in a youth shelter. Think of this in these terms.

The ideal is if the mother can accept this, but you cannot, as the ex, be the mediator. You will not be seen as unbiased and I'm sure there is a history of conflict there.

Speaking as a parent, I would be firm with the daughter that if she chooses to move will be supportive, but you can't agree to any kind of back and forth, she has to make up her mind where she wants to live and commit to that. She should set a date and then just go, bring an overnight bag with her valuables and you can replace her clothes, or get the rest a week later.

I wouldn't consider this underhanded, it would blindside the mom yes, but the mom has a responsibility in the conflict that she is not dealing with. This is a consequence. You cannot resolve the conflict or mediate, and as you say, bringing it up with her will just cause the shit to hit the fan.

[dadof1]

Thanks Mess, Just want to get my legal ducks in a row before proceeding.

I KNOW she will not take this well at all, she will cry and guilt trip our daughter into staying. Daughter is now onto her ploy and has told mother this. It's always been about $$$ CS with my ex. She wanted sole custody and for me to just disappear, but still pay...ummmm, NOT!!! I'm guessing we will still have to go to court to make me the custodial parent..the real kicker would be, would she have to pay me support now?? Let the fun begin!!!

[staysingle]

Great advise Mess!

I had a similar situation and what I chose to do was get the child to speak with a CS worker. I felt it was important to stay out of the situation so that I wasn't accused of colluding or assisting with the situation. Having your daughter speak to her family doctor is another viable option

It is best, in my view, to provide your daughter with credible sources to express her wishes to reside with you

Good luck and be patient

[dadof1]

Thanks Staysingle,

My ex said she was going to get our daughter a counselor to speak with, it's a free service at her work place, as it is with my workplace also. That was 2 weeks ago. I offered to get one, they immediately got defensive and said THEY will get the counselor. My daughter menstioned she wanted to talk with a school counselor, they immediately said NO WAY...some of the stuff she could tell counselor may cause counselor to call protective services..nothing physically done to her, some things left around the house that should have never been there in first place. what I really need to know, can she move to my place before a court ruling is rendered?

[staysingle]

The short answer is yes. Mess's explanation is spot on.

I reality, next time your daughter is at your house she stays there....period. You stay out of the cluster *&^^% that will clearly ensue. Your daughter does not have to speak to anyone.

Basically play it cool. These scenarios happen all the time

[dadof1]

Thanks,
so should I call ex and tell her our daughter is staying with me, she is with me today after school, suppose to take her back at 6:30pm tonight?? this is totally legal?? I'm sure they will show up at my door, as will probably the police.

[Mess]

Yes she can sleep whereever she wants. Sorry I used to have a link to the relevent legislation but I can't find it now, I look again tonight.

The daughter should absolutely see the school counsellor, it is terrible and unethical to suggest she not see the school counsellor, this is the child's right, the school services are there for a reason. Encourage your daughter to see the school as well as any other counselling set up by the mum.

Look, if she stayed at a sleep over at a friend's house for a birthday party, and the mom called the cops, what do you think the courts would do? The mom cannot invoke the courts. If she takes it to court, the court will side with the child's wishes, period, at the age of 15.

If your current custody agreement is already a court order, what you would do is file a motion order, all you need is the form, an affidavit, an affidavit from the daughter, and there is nothing the mom can do. It will be done in a day.