A case like no other, I'm sure!

[LindaK]

Hello all, your reading and responces will be much appreciated.

The reason for joining this forum is to help a very dear friend, to guide and to stand by her. This is such a long story that I'm going to try to do it by listing facts.

Finely after more than 20 years ready to seperate due to pressure from daughter who will make good on her threat to run away.

Common law relationship living together for approx 25 years.

Spouse did not work for approx the first 5 years, was totaly dependant.

During this time a child was had and there was no care given by him (myself and her mother "babysat" while he did nothing)

A house was bought, another child born and he got a part time job

His finacial responsibility is to pay the mortgage, 300 dollars bi-weekly leaving him 400 dollars pocket money. Usualy requests some back before following pay period. There is no joint account so I believe he just gives her cash, his name is on the mortgage.

He has never had any debt nor purchased anything besides maybe his computer and a couple of guitars but I doubt even that.

He has never purchased food, clothing(including his own), personal needs, gas, needs for the children nor paid a single bill. Also never paid for household repairs or improvements.

As far as I have seen his money is spent on cigarettes, weed and pro select.
He is driven to and from work aswell as to his friends hangout.

Wow he might as well of won a small lottery!

Years ago he cheated on her and they do not have sex.

Never attended or supported any of the kids important/non important life events, example...birth, appointments, school events and teacher meetings, sports and other organised activities(those were done by my husband and myself) graduations, award ceremonies and such.

Note; he stated at the start of having children that he did not want any but she could go ahead but he would not have anything to do with them. This does not mean anything as far as family services said.

The children do not go without, other than love and respect from him. She does..barely any decent clothing, has needed glasses for many years, dental work, the list is long.

He has often been emotionaly and verbaly abusive to her and the children. I have been witness to much of it. He has not been physicaly abusive. Puts their health at risk buy smoking(both) in the house and not providing healthy food when mom has not had a chance to shop.

Never cleans the house, does yard work, or any kind of maintenance. On occasion I have seen him do laundry and paint.

Unjust enrichment to her deprivation?

When I have questioned him, he says he never had feelings for her and he is just waiting for her to tell him to leave.

He's not very intellegant and I have my doubts that he would even consult a lawyer.

She opened a business 5 years ago which I don't know alot of details about other than it is paid off but has not yet profited. He has only ever occasionaly cleaned it. Don't think his name is on it.

There are many friends and loved ones who has been witness to all of this and are willing to testify.

I'm sure you are thinking what a dumbass she is by now but it is what it is and she will be seeking help for herself when this is over.

She has been refered to a good lawyer but is afraid of the costs...he is asking for 550.00 right away and 350.00 per hour there after. This is a concern for her and I'm afraid she will settle out of court and give him half of everything.

She is also very afraid of the initial "telling him it's time to split and that he needs to leave"

I'm a happily married woman of 25 years so obviously I cannot relate in some ways. But these children have been a part of our family and have always come to us for love and support.

The oldest child is 20, living at home, currently laid off but a world's number one sports champ(mom has never been able to afford to attend these events) one that's coming up, he is working and educating towards becoming an officer.

The youngest is 14 year old girl whom has done quite well considering the circumstance. She is emotionaly scarred but we have been there for her 100% including our children.

Any feed back, advice or experience would be most appreciated.

[dinkyface]

Their assets would be split according to
- who owned what when they got together (e.g. his boat remains his boat)
- how much each contributed during the union in terms of childcare and job earnings and any extraordinary labour (e.g. building an addition counts, laundry doesn't).

So far so good - but here's the kicker: If ONLY his name is on the house TITLE (ignore mortgage name), then it is his house alone. She might have difficulty here in claiming any part of the house, unless she can counterbalance with a very clear claim that she contributed MUCH more in other ways.

Strip away all the value judgements in your original post, and try to get a bare assessment of whose pockets supported the household (including who provided childcare).

[Mess]

Dinky has the right idea, but you say that he never contributed to any maintainence or repairs? Since the maintainence and repairs must have been done, the wife must have paid? So she has a constructive trust on the house, even if it is in his name only and only he paid the mortgage.

Whether she thinks she can't afford the lawyer, can she afford NOT to hire the lawyer? If she is worn down and scared, she shouldn't be unrepresented.

Before paying that much all at once, she should have a consultation with several lawyers and compare each one. She can call the Law Society of Upper Canada referral service and for $5 she gets a free half hour consultation with a lawyer specializing in family law. She won't get any farther by seeing one lawyer after another, but certainly when she hears the same or similar advice from 3 or 4 lawyers she will have more confidence in her decisions.

[Simplicity]

Dear Mess: I want to send you a (constructive/informative) pm re an item that has come up several times now. Can you pm me and I can reply to you (if not this evening then tomorrow). Thanks.