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Old 01-10-2016, 06:35 PM
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Question Another newbie

Hi, new here and appreciating all the posts and advice.
I'm separated from my STBX for a year. We're about to head to mediation, possibly. I'm feeling we're not good candidates since he's super angry and there's a definite power imbalance related to finances and earning power. We both work full-time and he makes about 5x what I do, although he hasn't had a very successful year.
I am in the house with our 3 young children, and have them > 65% of the time. He lives close by. I manage everything to do with the children, day-to-day, school stuff, appointments, all arrangements, lunches, laundry, etc. He has them 35% of the time, but it's usually just overnight, not a lot by himself during the day/weekend. I still make lunches, do their laundry (that he drops off) etc. He has been paying the bills at the house, before/after school caregiver costs, as well as rent on an apartment. I pay for PT preschool and all the day to day expenses for myself and the kids, e.g sports, food, clothes, my cell, insurance, gas, etc. He has always had control of finances, although no joint accounts other than a VISA. All his money - TFSA and RESP is in his name, other than mortgages on our house and cottage. I have a pension and some investments as well. Line of Credit is also in his name. So, the thing is he's run out of money for bills. I've made a few suggestions, ie sell my car (in his name) which is relatively new and worth about 30k. Slow down the mortgage payments, which are accelerated weekly payments, sell the house asap, have me pay some mortgage payments from my account, etc. I have intercepted and paid a few bills, and also cancelled the home phone to save money. He is paying rent from his Line of Credit and saying he has no money for child care and gas to take the kids anywhere. Where to go from here? What can I do without fueling the fire? He gets angry and physically intimidates me when he doesn't hear what he wants, ie. standing over me and yelling about it being 'his house' when I make suggestions about selling, etc. He makes threats about leaving and quitting his job as well, just to see me in poverty. I see my lawyer tomorrow, so advice around next steps and things I haven't considered is most welcome.....
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Old 01-10-2016, 07:15 PM
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1. Best thing is record is his threats and threats to quit his job to put you in poverty. That's going to go a long way to winning in the future. Once you have that for the rest of his life no matter what happens you can point back to those threats to prove he is of bad faith.

2. Reduce contact, but if he attacks you it will give you lots of grounds to wreck him anyways so either way its good for you.

3. Its pretty simple
a) what is the custody arrangement, he has basically consented to full custody to you, you're best bet is just to leave things be for a bit till status quo sets in and then you get sole custody no matter what.

b) Child support is law, he has to pay

c) Spousal support, if he is making 5x what you make (50k vs 10k??) and you have kids you will almost definitely be entitled to spousal support.

d) For the house and all that stuff, ask him what he proposes to do - its either SELL or buy each other out.

My responses might seem cynical but that is pretty much exactly what you should do and how to get ahead. Your situation and his consent to leave you the kids will pretty much ensure your financial security for many years to come.

You can also ask that his RRSP etc... be kept as security against support payments since he threatened to quit his job to screw you over.

Legally, you have him by the balls - just seize the RRSPs etc.... and even if he quits his job you will be safe and he will end up in jail, not a damn thing he can do.

Also, don't put serious effort into increasing your income, maintain whatever you have now and say you are going to try to earn more....
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Old 01-10-2016, 07:56 PM
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Hey Links or anyone else.... do you think I'm at all responsible his Line of Credit debt since we separated? He's used about 40k of it, despite having $ in TFSA, etc.
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Old 01-10-2016, 08:10 PM
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I believe you are not responsible for the amount that he has put on the line of credit after your date of separation. This is why it's important to establish an official date of separation.
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