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Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

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Old 08-08-2012, 11:33 PM
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Default 43 years and divorcing

Hi all,

I'm married for 43 years and have a long story. I'll try and kept it succinct. My husband physically (just once but it was extremely severe), emotionally and mentally abused me for over 40 years. Last fall I finally left him after the police urged me to go. He even admitted to the physical abuse when the police asked. It' been very hard even though I have never had one nano-second of regret about leaving him.

He has been slandering me with malicious lies to anyone who will listen and read. He has written letters full of lies to family and organizations, to my lawyer, and its just too horrible to recount everything; besides it would take me too long, and I don't want to write a long diatribe...one reason being that I'm just too tired right now. I have reason to think he has also cheated. I've been faithful to him throughout our marriage and still am. I tried hard to have this marriage work. He was totally narcissistic and refused to communicate.

I'm in the process now of figuring out my net worth. My new lawyer is on vacation and it will take him some time to get up to speed on my file. Meanwhile 2bx has made up his net worth and is hiding assets. He even demands me paying him equalization which is totally fraudulent and ridiculous. His lawyer knows better but she is perpetuating his lies.

I know he is livid about me leaving him and also for returning to the marital home 3 days after I left to gather documents (with the police in tow).

There is so much more I could mention but I'm just tired right now (it's late) and don't want to bore anyone. Just hoping for some encouragement and advice for now.

Thanks .

caranna
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:39 PM
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Welcome to the forums Caranna... you'll have lots of reading to do!
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Old 08-08-2012, 11:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caranna View Post
Hi all,

I'm married for 43 years and have a long story. I'll try and kept it succinct. My husband physically (just once but it was extremely severe), emotionally and mentally abused me for over 40 years. Last fall I finally left him after the police urged me to go. He even admitted to the physical abuse when the police asked. It' been very hard even though I have never had one nano-second of regret about leaving him.

He has been slandering me with malicious lies to anyone who will listen and read. He has written letters full of lies to family and organizations, to my lawyer, and its just too horrible to recount everything; besides it would take me too long, and I don't want to write a long diatribe...one reason being that I'm just too tired right now. I have reason to think he has also cheated. I've been faithful to him throughout our marriage and still am. I tried hard to have this marriage work. He was totally narcissistic and refused to communicate.

I'm in the process now of figuring out my net worth. My new lawyer is on vacation and it will take him some time to get up to speed on my file. Meanwhile 2bx has made up his net worth and is hiding assets. He even demands me paying him equalization which is totally fraudulent and ridiculous. His lawyer knows better but she is perpetuating his lies.

I know he is livid about me leaving him and also for returning to the marital home 3 days after I left to gather documents (with the police in tow).

There is so much more I could mention but I'm just tired right now (it's late) and don't want to bore anyone. Just hoping for some encouragement and advice for now.

Thanks .

caranna
Congrats for getting out of that. The Courts will figure it out. My ex did the same and I was married for 21, cohabitation for 22.
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Old 08-09-2012, 12:05 AM
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Welcome to the forum!Congrats on being brave enough to leave .Its never easy .He is lying and slandering you.Don't worry about it.Its happened to many of us here,you will survive!In fact him running around babbling nonsense isn't going to do your court case any harm in the least.Relax ,take a deep breath and enjoy your freedom.Things will get messy and hard but you will get through it.Spend some time educating yourself to the court forms and procedures, and things will get easier to understand.
Good luck!
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Old 08-09-2012, 12:58 AM
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welcome - many here will understand all you are living and it is the right direction and to taht remember you will never bore anyone here!! We all started from somewhere and our journeys all started from the day we left. you will learn much in the next while and everything you learn here will go 100 fold when you are dealing with your lawyer and the system that is Family Law. Remember to try and get some quality You time everyday...... you deserve it!!!
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Old 08-09-2012, 01:54 AM
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Welcome to the forum! married 30 yrs and kicked his ass to the wind so I know how overwhelmed you must be right now. Look after yourself physically. Be prepared to hear lies, lies and more lies. Remember that lawyers make big money on two people who fight. Try to keep focused and find your strength. My strength turned out to be my anger. Write things down on a list then put it out of your mind. Allow yourself only so much time a day to deal with "the nightmare" and then do something distracting (movie, reading, etc.)

Good luck!!!!
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Old 08-09-2012, 08:37 AM
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Wellcome to the group. I was married for 34 years when I left him. They even have a name for us "the silver divorcees". Apparently more women are leaving their marriage after long years of being together in droves. My ex husband was never physically abusive or verbally abusive he just wouldn't talk to me for days on end. This form of punishment worked well on his mother and father and me because I was pretty much tied down with 3 young ones.

Like you he was livid that I left him and did the same as yours and plus. We officially separated in Dec 2010. I left the house in May of 2011 and by April of 2012 I'm happy to report am Divorced.

This too shall pass
L.
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Old 08-09-2012, 10:00 AM
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Hi and welcome to the forum
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Old 08-09-2012, 09:21 PM
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Thanks everyone for the warm welcome. I've always tried to make the best of the situation, and since leaving I've done a lot of self reflecting and without making it sound touchy-feely I have discovered my "self"! It's a great and very empowering awareness. I take better care of myself, eat well, go for walks and at 68 look 10 years younger than I did over ten years ago! All without any "work" done whatsoever.

I have lots of share and hope to eventually help others like you all are helping me just reading your stories and advice.

caranna
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