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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2015, 09:38 PM
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Good point about treating it like a hobby stripes
It honestly can be a FT job... and the results don't represent the effort! lol.

A friend of mine (who also recently divorced) swears marriage should be a renewable 5 year contract. That way, if you've had enough... you just move on. If not, maybe you step up your game to get a new contract.

All kidding aside, another couple I know sit down every New Years Eve and have a serious heart to heart about their relationship, where it is, where its going and if they want to keep it. Something I'm definitely going to focus on in round 3.... no matter what form it takes (LTR, marriage, shackup)
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old 05-19-2015, 05:59 PM
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No!!!!!!!!
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 05-19-2015, 06:43 PM
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New Years Eve they discuss whether or not to carry on??? Before or after they get into the festivities? I guess the saying "may old acquaintance be forgot" is quite apt for them.

You can call it quits anytime you want to. Even if you had a "contract" that says you can end at the end of a certain time period you would still be looking at lots of money. There would be a new division of family law dealing with these sorts of contracts I'm sure. A person would still have to go through the emotionally painful and expensive process of separating assets/liabilities.

No easy answer.
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2015, 02:08 PM
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I'm not sure I agree about the online stuff. I've been to 4 weddings in the last 5 years...all of the couples met online. Fun normal stable happy people. I would say that all are extroverts and have excelled professionally. I don't think it matters where you meet...if it's meant to be...it can happen anywhere...including online.
I met my now husband on-line (POF...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!). Its a great way to meet men because you can thrift through a lot of men quickly without a lot of effort. Particularly people that you'd normally have no chance of being exposed to. But it can also be tiring. I actually have helped a few friends meet great guys on-line...there's a technique to it.

Tips:

1. Keep your profile simple and don't give a lot of details...but most importantly, keep your profile private. That way, YOU do the picking and don't have a bunch of undesirables constantly bugging you.

2. When you see someone you might be interested in...send them a note and talk for a number of weeks. You'd be amazed at what you can learn about someone from their grammar and the way they write. Also people reveal the most amazing private details through pm'ing because it seems more anonymous and less stressful than telling someone something face-to-face.

3. Once you form a liking for someone by talking to them online...arrange both a phone call and (this is a must) a video chat session. This way, you can both hear their voice and have a conversation and see their mannerisms before you're sitting across a table from them. Also you can verify that they actually are the person in the picture on their profile. If they don't want to video chat...don't bother continuing. Its a must. I've had sooo many friends who've shown up for dates and the person they thought they were there to see looked nothing like the profile pic that was either someone else or from 20 years ago.

This way, you get to weed a lot of guys out without having to go through all the trouble of getting ready for a pointless date. I'd do this a couple of times. It makes the first date a much more pleasant experience.

Online dating can be far more fruitful, convenient, and less work than regular dating. Its a great way to meet people if you follow a process.

By the way, marriage is awesome when you marry the right person! (But check their credit report, investment portfolio and understand their spending morality before you do it!)

Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 05-20-2015 at 02:11 PM.
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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2015, 02:19 PM
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Agree with all the above, especially the long conversations before meeting. (A large vocabulary was a must-have for me). (I should've thought of the video chat thing - I met a couple of men who bore no resemblance to their picture. Nice guys, but really not what I was expecting).

I had a friend who was on NINE dating sites at once. He basically dated non-stop (and I mean every single evening) for six months, and even had an Excel spreadsheet of dates (and not the sleazy hookup kind, this one just had notations about personality, values, life situations, etc). He ended up finding the great woman he is now married to. But not all of us are that organized (or energetic).
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2015, 05:03 PM
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I can't answer the question of "Would I get married again" as I was never married to my D9's mom. We were together on and off over a period of 2-3 years, more on than off.

That said, I am married now. I met my wife about 8 years ago and we've been married for 3 years. We met online on Lavalife. I dated a fair amount before her, online was great for meeting people. I didn't have a spreadsheet or anything, but I could filter through quickly who was or wasn't interested in.
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2015, 07:36 PM
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So the question for you would be, would you marry again if you get divorced haha. The hardest part IMO is when you get really old and are left alone. Both my G-mothers, one passed away, lost their husbands earlier. The one that passed away, I remember her loneliness and sadness because of loneliness. The one that's still alive has said once "I wish my husband was alive, just to talk to him, just to have that morning coffee together, not to be alone". She is over 70.

Some people are luckier. They move in with family until death after the partner dies.

Last edited by The Iceberg; 05-20-2015 at 07:38 PM.
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2015, 09:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Iceberg View Post
So the question for you would be, would you marry again if you get divorced haha. The hardest part IMO is when you get really old and are left alone. Both my G-mothers, one passed away, lost their husbands earlier. The one that passed away, I remember her loneliness and sadness because of loneliness. The one that's still alive has said once "I wish my husband was alive, just to talk to him, just to have that morning coffee together, not to be alone". She is over 70.

Some people are luckier. They move in with family until death after the partner dies.

Some are luckier still, when family move back home due to unemployment lol ! I like to think of my son as my "boomerang boy' - he keeps coming back ....
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old 06-01-2015, 05:48 PM
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A resounding yes !!

I was 20 when I got married, I grew up and matured more than my ex who wanted to relive her childhood in her mid 40's. I was not going along for the ride. No cheating scandals but I know that I value a long term forever relationship and have quite a bit to offer.

I have met a like minded individual who also valued a forever marriage and wants to work hard at making what we have work. She unfortunately has some baggage that does get in the way a bit but none the less we are on the path to happiness forever. So wonderful to be in love and supportive of one another. Being alone when you have many good years left is unfortunate - there's still compromise on both side but you have to be committed to make it work. We are in this for the long haul baby.
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