Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > General Chat

General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2015, 09:30 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,004
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Im pushing 40 and had resigned myself to singlehood before meeting my man. I had told myself no divorced men because I didnt want the drama. Boy did I get the drama but I also got a good man that was unappreciated! I have proven to him again and again how I am the anti-ex. He has learned he could be with a strong independent woman who doesnt treat him like shit.

You can be cautious and protective and thats understandable. Im just saying dont immediately say never or no or not going to happen because you may miss out on what you missed out on with your ex.
Reply With Quote
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2015, 10:02 PM
Rioe's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,245
Rioe will become famous soon enough
Default

I guess at my age and profession and parenting stage, it's just about impossible to meet men to date. The idea of online dating scares me.

I'm an introvert though, and perfectly okay on my own. The only time I miss having a partner is when I have had a particularly great day and wish I could share it with someone.
Reply With Quote
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2015, 10:15 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Bc
Posts: 225
undersc0re is on a distinguished road
Default

I am exactly the same way!
Reply With Quote
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2015, 10:32 PM
Janibel's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Way up North
Posts: 1,496
Janibel will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
I guess at my age and profession and parenting stage, it's just about impossible to meet men to date. The idea of online dating scares me.
Someone in here (I can't remember who) no less than a week ago commented that most of us met our Ex's the old fashioned way - and look how well that turned out.
Reply With Quote
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2015, 09:46 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 145
annapurna66 is on a distinguished road
Default

I agree with Rockscan....I am open to marriage. Just not sure I see it in the cards. I understand Rioe...my profession, age and responsibility to my kids also makes dating very hard. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince...I have certainly done that! With my ex being the largest toad of them all! I find that divorce can screw people up...either making them too willing to settle in the "early post separation stage" because they are scared and lonely...or too cautious in the "many years after divorce stage" because they have become self protective or too independent. When your dating pool is mostly divorcees...it becomes a challenge to find someone at the right stage. I also think that while marriage is great(or can be, I hear) being single is also great. Society doesn't always see it this way though...we are still a marriage focused community. I was young when I married and naive. I think everyone who is getting married should spend a day reading posts from this forum....would put some perspective into something that has a 52 percent failure rate. Hmmm...maybe I'm not so open to marriage after all, hahaha!
Reply With Quote
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2015, 10:32 AM
Janibel's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Way up North
Posts: 1,496
Janibel will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by annapurna66 View Post
I think everyone who is getting married should spend a day reading posts from this forum....would put some perspective into something that has a 52 percent failure rate. Hmmm...maybe I'm not so open to marriage after all, hahaha!
I agree annapurna66, ODF has been quite an education for me as well! Before joining here I naively expected that the courts would take care of all my separation/divorce problems - that "justice" would prevail. I honestly thought that separation/divorce agreements were enforceable once signed!

What a shock to witness first-hand the corruption and extortion that is Canadian family law. It's a BIG business profiting from our failure. I'm thankful that our son was an adult so no custody war was started.
It's truly heartbreaking to read some of the stories in here concerning small children ... yes, anyone considering marriage should by all means spend a day in here.
Reply With Quote
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2015, 11:40 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 40
joehobo is on a distinguished road
Default

Isn't it more a question of if you would live with another person... not so much get married? You are as good as married once you've been under the same roof for a while.

For me, its early days (the ex essentially choked me out of the relationship, I had to be the one to throw in the towel). I adored her.... but I cannot believe (now) why I did. Its like a multi-year fog of stress has been lifted. I am more content than I have been in my entire life.

That said. I'm 54. I've had 1/2 my assets taken, and I'm not retiring next year as planned. So I will be approaching the next relationship with a balance sheet in mind. I can't afford to go through this again!! If I meet a perfect match, we will (if nothing else) have to have a 50/50 stake equity in the mat home.

Dating mid-fifties is interesting to say the least. Its not easy... the older people get, the more they seem to shut off possibilities and stick with "sameness". I'm moving in the opposite direction... pretty much saying "Yes" to every new opportunity.

So I keep plugging away... online dating.... flirting with some possibles. Maybe I'll connect with a good match, but I'm not settling and I'm not holding my breath.

I think annapurna66 hit the nail with " too willing to settle......or too cautious " . My experience (so far), has been nice coffee or drinks dates. The key word here is "nice". I'm not pursuing unless I feel some electricity, and so far its been a blackout.

Rioe... leverage Online Dating for what it is. Its a lot of work filtering and .... but at least its a larger pool. Maybe women have more work in this venue for dating though?

BTW Ladies, I am ear wax free, no warts... full head of hair... very fit... pretty decent looking (not George Clooney, but told I should not have any issues getting dates)... not a player... I do EVERYTHING on my own (cooking multi-ethnic dinners, cleaning, laundry, renovations, parenting)... financially stable... small baggage.... and I have not had more than two dates in a row.

Its not easy! From finding someone who might be fun to go out with, to scheduling a date (not easy with two sets of lives).. to meeting and actually enjoying being with that person (being attracted both physically and intellectually). I'm going to keep plugging away, because I do think a shared life can be more fulfilling.
Any LT relationship for me will be approached with open eyes and a modicum of caution this time 'round
Reply With Quote
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2015, 12:49 PM
Janibel's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Way up North
Posts: 1,496
Janibel will become famous soon enough
Default

I don't know why but reading about George Clooney and renovating in the same sentence makes me feel happy (sigh...) Ladies, do you agree?

Jokes aside, dating at a certain age, does have it's perils. The rules of the game have changed a lot over the years - now it's mostly online. Personally I'm not comfortable with that venue, feels like looking through a Sears catalog? next, next, maybe, next ....
Reply With Quote
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2015, 01:08 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,961
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

likewise Janibel - wouldn't consider online dating. I like to look someone in the face and yes, ask many questions and see their facial reactions and general demeanour. If a man has poor manners then that's another definite "no."

I am going to a greenhouse today and then to a golf course. Those are interests of mine and that is where I'd much prefer to meet someone. A library/bookstore would be another place.
Reply With Quote
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2015, 02:48 PM
Janibel's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Way up North
Posts: 1,496
Janibel will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post

I am going to a greenhouse today and then to a golf course. Those are interests of mine and that is where I'd much prefer to meet someone. A library/bookstore would be another place.
As far as marriage/dating candidates are concerned that would be the best course of action - similar interests. At least you have something you both feel passionate about as an ice-breaker.

With online dating there's no way of knowing who the person sitting in front of the computer screen really is? Sparks can't fly without physical contact. Like I posted earlier, my last date was a flop. He was nice and all that, but once I met him in person, it took about 5 minutes to know that there was no chance of it leading to anything serious.

Maybe my aversion to marriage has more to do with the fact that I live in Quebec where 'shacked-up' couples are free to live together without all the legal hassles. Less of a risk at least financially.

Now if only I could find a ol' hippie who's into organic farming, raising animals and is a half-decent guitar player, maybe I'd reconsider my position ... George Clooney had his chance and blew it! hahaha!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Common-law and house title issue.. Soon to be married? Matrimonial home?? Bettypoop Divorce & Family Law 18 08-18-2012 09:59 PM
CPP split, common law then married Foredeck Financial Issues 2 08-16-2010 07:59 PM
Advice confused1 Divorce & Family Law 4 08-29-2008 09:56 AM
equal to married status for commonlaw lori Political Issues 1 07-20-2007 09:21 PM
Legally Married???? Person Divorce & Family Law 2 10-30-2005 08:34 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:08 PM.