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Janibel 05-16-2015 06:30 PM

Would you get married again?
After going through the perils of divorce/family law, would you take the leap of faith and ever get married again? Rant all you want .... lol!

Personally I would have to say NO! being single can be lonely at times, but the loneliness of a relationship gone bad is even worse. Makes me laugh when people claim that they are looking for a "long-term" relationship - what ever happened to 'till death do us part'.

Do you feel that your divorce experience has taught you how to be a better spouse in the future - or has it made you fearful of ever trusting again?

Inquiring minds want to know?

Jan :)

arabian 05-16-2015 07:07 PM

At my age I don't see it happening but one never knows. I have no life savings to risk (that was decimated by ex) so I don't have to worry about someone marrying me for money that's for sure. My biggest worry would be that Mr. Wonderful was merely looking for a nurse/laundress/cook.

I admire people who grow old together. How nice to have someone in your life in the twilight years. I do miss the company of men but I can improve that part by getting out and golfing more.

However, it is really very nice to watch what I want on TV, eat what I want etc. I particularly enjoy not being blamed for someone's day-to-day ups and downs.
After reading people's experiences on here about dealing with their partner's ex's though it does make me shudder a tad. I've had more than my share of drama. Mr. Wonderful would definitely need to have his life sorted out before I got seriously involved.

Would I be a better spouse in the future? Perhaps. I've certainly had enough time to reflect on past mistakes I've made.

Janibel 05-16-2015 07:48 PM

S'weird, in the beginning I was truly lost - after a 27 year marriage you get used to having a spouse by your side 7 days a week, even a bad one ... now I actually enjoy living like a 'monk' and have learned to appreciate my own company.

Less drama for sure and that is so welcome.

If ever I did lose my mind and get hitched again lol, I would certainly put more effort into keeping things real with the old man by not letting things fester ....
Small problems have a way of growing out of control when ignored. That's what I've learned.

undersc0re 05-16-2015 08:17 PM

I will never get married again, I will not attempt a serious relationship until my youngest is almost finished high school. I guess a lot of people say that....

Janibel 05-16-2015 10:32 PM

^^^Not surprising - just look at some of the horror stories in here concerning ex spouses VS new spouses with children.
Often it's the kids themselves who resent the perceived "intruder", especially if Ex is intent on making your new life miserable. It's like walking a tight rope .... trying to keep two families happy and financially secure? I don't know how people manage it.

Rioe 05-16-2015 10:33 PM

It would have to be a truly awesome man to lead me down that garden path again. I'm sure they're quite challenging to find, and since I'm not actively looking, it seems unlikely verging on impossible that I would do so.

I've learned a lot about myself, and I think I've improved as a person and as a potential partner from my disastrous marriage, but I'll just have to do my best to impart those lessons onto my kids somehow instead.

SadAndTired 05-16-2015 10:47 PM

Yes, I would.

I did not date for almost three years post separation. I wanted to make sure that I did not bring the baggage from my ex and foist it on someone else.

Trying to look at the past now, I see that the reasons I initially chose my ex are more reflective on who I was and what my issues were. He was who he was. I just didn't see it. It was my young and in love rose coloured glasses that made me choose a husband who had differing priorities.

I feel like I have a better handle on who I am and what I want a relationship to be like. I know what I bring to the table and have been waiting for the right person. My mom introduced me to the man I am dating. I still believe in committing yourself to someone but I am not rushing into either.

Janibel 05-16-2015 10:56 PM

I would have to say it's virtually impossible. Thirty years ago my priorities were very superficial - he was handsome, had a nice car, good job and wanted to marry me. That was my standard then - a recipe for disaster.

Nowadays I would put more effort into understanding what (potential spouse) really wants out of life, are we intellectually, spiritually, morally suited. That narrows it down to slim pickings ..... Same as you, I hope that my son will put a little more thought than I did when choosing a life partner.

Many of his friends (in their early 20's) have already had a taste of family court, alimony and custody battles. He's in no hurry to run down the isle.

OntarioMomma 05-17-2015 06:45 AM

I could have written that myself sadandtired.

I also didn't date for about 3 years post separation, and had no intention to start.

But you can't help when you meet a person and fall in love. Or reconnect in my case. <3

OntarioMomma 05-17-2015 06:50 AM

As for marriage, it's not as important to me as it once was, after going through a cheating spouse and then divorce, I saw the vows we took were very breakable. When I said them I meant it, for better or for worse, but it takes two to keep that promise.
Even though I was way way way happier after he left, I still see hurt in my oldest child that his parents are not together, and that's a deep hurt for me, to see what my young children are put through now because of divorce.
What's important to me now is the love that we have and the commitment we share. And that's enough for me, I don't feel like I need a piece a paper to have a forever with my man.

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