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Old 03-17-2016, 10:52 AM
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Default Why Christie Tate of the Washington Post lets her children see her argue with husband

Christie Tate, of the Washington Post, writes why *she* thinks it's a good idea to let her 5 and 6 year old children see her and her husband argue.

Why I let my children see me and my husband argue | National Post

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But instead, I waved them into the room.
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Showing our children how to give voice to tension and work through discord with a loving partner will give them valuable insights into how a real relationship works
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Old 03-17-2016, 11:00 AM
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Your honour, we were simply giving "voice to tension" in front of the children.
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Old 03-17-2016, 11:16 AM
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Some of her points are valid though. People disagree. They fight. Things get resolved. <--- in a healthy situation. In unhealthy situations people are verbally or physically abusive, sulk, guilt and treat the other person badly. Its more a demonstration of what is proper or improper in a disagreement. Both people are hurt, both people feel wronged, how do you resolve that. Teaching your kids how to resolve conflict is a healthy behaviour. When parents cant resolve disagreements properly the kids learn that. This is one thing Ive taught my partner--his kids need to see healthy relationships and healthy conflict resolution. Otherwise they will never understand that BOTH parties have feelings and BOTH parties have valid points in a disagreement. And that reaching an agreement shouldnt mean that one party has to give up everything to make the other person happy all the time.
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Old 03-17-2016, 11:40 AM
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Some of her points are valid though. People disagree. They fight. Things get resolved. <--- in a healthy situation.
That's exactly it. There's that classic difference between arguing respectfully to resolve something in an otherwise productive and stable relationship, and then there's unproductive mudslinging, namecalling fighting that never resolves anything in an abusive and unstable relationship.

Obviously one of those is modeling a healthy relationship for the kids, and they should witness it so they learn it for themselves. The other kind is the one children should not witness, as it is harmful to them.

Ugh, though, I made the mistake of reading the comments...Oops and blech.
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Old 03-17-2016, 11:59 AM
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Lol I always get angry reading comments on newspaper forums!

Arguing with my partner is horrible because I have to untie all the knots from his first marriage. For them his ex always had to "win" and felt that he should "sacrifice" what he wanted for the betterment of their marriage (ie...what she wanted). Which means we disagree over the dumbest things. But its also taught me healthy/unhealthy behaviours and how to help him understand there is no winning or losing, we have to work TOGETHER so we are both happy with the end result.

I also wont fight with him when hes seeing it as similar to his marriage. He tends to feel that I am going to act just like his ex and that makes me crazy. There is a lot of "tabling" of issues until we're both in a mind set that we can approach it properly.

Meanwhile his ex still pulls her crap. You need to do whats best for your daughters. You need to think about how your decisions impact your children. If shes using that language with him, what is she saying to the kids? Most likely "your father cares more about himself than you".
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