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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2015, 03:57 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 185
nfc4ever is on a distinguished road

You need the evidence that the ex poses a danger to the child. My BIL spent years in court denying visits to his 1st wife whenever she was on a manic high. He made a point of offering and providing access time outside of her scheduled time when she wasn't on a manic high. (she wasn't on meds). After about 4-5 years the courts decided that he was acting in the child's interest and allowed him to cancel his ex's visits arbitarily. There's a term for it, but I cannot recall it.

It may appear in your case that you're looking to deny access out of spite, for what happened last weekend.

From what you've posted, Its obvious that your ex needs help, but nobody can help someone who doesn't want help. From the outside looking in we can see the problems. The challenge is, from his point of view that is his normal and he may not view it as wrong.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2015, 05:07 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,010
rockscan will become famous soon enough

Nothing in what youve said demonstrates you were there when it was happening. You were there at the beginning and the end. He could have moved the dogs, smoked outside etc. or he could have done everything you say he did. The bottom line is you cannot make a decision that goes against a court order just because you FEEL something has happened. Or because you dont agree with his behaviour.

File a contempt motion on the elements of the agreement he isnt complying with. Go from there. Then when youve exhausted that process, you file for full custody with supervised access. You do have options, taking the hysterical approach is never the right way to do something.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2015, 08:09 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Way up North
Posts: 1,496
Janibel will become famous soon enough

Originally Posted by stripes View Post

Unless you have evidence, backed up by a third party (police, bylaw enforcement, animal welfare or CAS) that Dad cannot care for Kid, you shouldn't withhold him. "Worries" and "concerns" are distressing to you, but they are not the same as verifiable danger. If this ever came to a court, I suspect a judge would rip you and Dad both a new one because neither of you is following the order when it doesn't suit you to do so.
^^^Good advice. I recall commenting on one of your earlier posts concerning the dogs. Of course you are worried, I would be too, when it comes to our children's safety.

But this is how things work in family law - as my lawyer often explained to me when I was in "panic-mode". The courts cannot intervene on "what ifs". What if the dogs bite my child ... what if the ex smokes weed in the house ... what if ex does not care properly for the child ...???

The courts will intervene if your son is harmed by the dogs or if you can prove that ex is mistreating or neglecting your son in any serious way. There's a big difference between your ex is running a crack-house and just smoking his weed now and then.

The point I'm trying to make is that they cannot do a single thing based on your uneasiness. No, this is not the perfect situation to raise a child in, certainly most of us would agree on that, but it's also a far cry from abuse.

From what information you have given here, the best you could do is go to court and attempt to get your ex to respect the custody order as is. I doubt that a judge will give you sole custody based on your allegations.

Even a pot-head with aggressive dogs has rights - the threat/risk of things going wrong is there, granted, but until something actually happens, you have to remain vigilant and not give in to your fears.

Hopefully nothing serious will happen and you and Ex will settle into a reasonable routine regardless of your different parenting/lifestyle choices ....

Last edited by Janibel; 05-15-2015 at 08:13 PM.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2015, 08:10 PM
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 84
Helpless is on a distinguished road

I realize that I may seem to be acting out of spite, I`m not. I haven`t had a normal court ordered access to my child on Mother`s day since we`ve separated, but this year`s was better than the 'Go F*?$ yourself you piece of S*%?, you`re not getting him' text I got last year. Ex`s behavior has become a usual thing, I have learned to just go with it. I`m leaving it up to karma.

As for my ex`s drug use habits, he has always consumed. He admitted to me while we were together that he used to smoke crack in his parent`s basement and did coke lines with his folks on the living room table. He admitted smoking pot in Court, to OCL who recommended that he do one test and follow therapy, and in Post separation counseling with me. He`s rolled joints in front of me while having discussions about our son...I could go on, but it`s unimportant. I think it`s safe to say that it has become his way of life, and it was one of the reason we grew apart.

As for the dogs, they attacked neighbors in a past who fend them off with a 2 x 4 in his defense and living in the country, the farmer who was attacked didn`t file a report, told them to tie up their dogs or he`d shoot the bastards himself. On a second occasion, Ex`s Mother told me that the dogs (her Rotti and ex`s two Pitts) had attacked and mutilated barn cat`s at the home to which point Mother got rid of the Rotti. Thus the reasons that the clause about the dogs were added to our Order.

I also came to the conclusion that if I`m trying to cover my bases on matters of security and keeping my child safe while I withhold access, this is a good indication that I cannot and do not know how ex would react to the withhold. I`d much rather not have my ex come to my home and threaten us, as it`s happened before. I`d also not want a call from the school stating that ex has picked up our son and this situation turning into a search not to mention a possibly traumatic experience for my son.

I will follow the wave of family law, again....file a motion and see from there.

Hope you all have a good weekend, and thank you.
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