Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > General Chat

General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2012, 02:46 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
1Bluenoser is on a distinguished road
Default what Next?

It's been a year and a half since my wife and separated and finally she has agreed to meet me in closed mediation. this whole time she said she would buy my share of the marital home which she still lives in ( and like an idiot I've been waiting). But in reality she has held the house and my share of the equity hostage, my credit is in the toilet and I can't afford a lawyer.

I have been voluntarily paying some support until a settlement is reached but it's not enough for her to live on. She could work if she wanted too but thinks I owe her a living and doesn't want to find a job. I have no idea where her money is coming from.

Are there any suggestions or helpful hints for my first meeting with her and the mediator? ( No kids involved)
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2012, 03:27 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 504
frustratedwithex is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

In my opinion, don't expect the mediator to settle the issue for you. Their goal is to get the two of you talking to each other so you can agree on how things should be settled.

In my experience, this means someone needs to say what ever it is thats bugging them. Which translates to a lot of venting.

Remember, its not the mediator you need to convince on your position, its your ex your convincing. You need to get your ex on board with why you want what you want and you need to be open minded enough to hear your exs point of view. So keep the emotional crap out and disregard the exs ranting if you have to. You can ask for a break if you need to.

Prepare yourself, get legal advice on what your rights are and if you want, what your exs rights are, before you get to mediation. If you need to consult a lawyer after mediation, agree on the condition that you will run it by your lawyer first before making a final decision.

The mediator will try and get you to settle somewhere in between. Be ready to compromise. Otherwise you dig your heals in on your optimum outcome and go to court.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2012, 04:44 PM
cashcow4ex's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 217
cashcow4ex is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by frustratedwithex View Post
In my opinion, don't expect the mediator to settle the issue for you. Their goal is to get the two of you talking to each other so you can agree on how things should be settled.

In my experience, this means someone needs to say what ever it is thats bugging them. Which translates to a lot of venting.

Remember, its not the mediator you need to convince on your position, its your ex your convincing. You need to get your ex on board with why you want what you want and you need to be open minded enough to hear your exs point of view. So keep the emotional crap out and disregard the exs ranting if you have to. You can ask for a break if you need to.

Prepare yourself, get legal advice on what your rights are and if you want, what your exs rights are, before you get to mediation. If you need to consult a lawyer after mediation, agree on the condition that you will run it by your lawyer first before making a final decision.

The mediator will try and get you to settle somewhere in between. Be ready to compromise. Otherwise you dig your heals in on your optimum outcome and go to court.

Dont I know it...it cost over $6500 in mediation fee's to get our seperation agreement done with the help of a mediator.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2012, 04:57 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 504
frustratedwithex is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cashcow4ex View Post
Dont I know it...it cost over $6500 in mediation fee's to get our seperation agreement done with the help of a mediator.
Way past that amount, way, way, past.

Between my lawyers hourly rate and the mediation lawyers hourly rate, I paid close to that for 1 afternoon. Stbx finds this to be a great venue for him to vent. 3 lawyers in the room who seem to hang on his every word.

He presents himself as a competent logical person and by the time anyone wakes up and realizes he's not making any sense, hours go by.

Separated over 3 years, in mediation for the last 4 months and I am frustrated to say the least.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2012, 05:14 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,472
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by frustratedwithex View Post
Way past that amount, way, way, past.

Between my lawyers hourly rate and the mediation lawyers hourly rate, I paid close to that for 1 afternoon. Stbx finds this to be a great venue for him to vent. 3 lawyers in the room who seem to hang on his every word.

He presents himself as a competent logical person and by the time anyone wakes up and realizes he's not making any sense, hours go by.

Separated over 3 years, in mediation for the last 4 months and I am frustrated to say the least.
It may be time to end mediation and file an application? You must be making some ground in mediation and resolving things.

You may also want to consider recommending it be moved to mediation-arbitration (med-arb).

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2012, 02:16 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 504
frustratedwithex is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
It may be time to end mediation and file an application? You must be making some ground in mediation and resolving things.

You may also want to consider recommending it be moved to mediation-arbitration (med-arb).

Good Luck!
Tayken
Yep, application filed over a year ago. Not much happened. STBXs new lawyer went months without communicating, I filed some interim motions, this resulted in a lot of anger from ex. After all it wasn't his fault that his lawyer wasn't communicating and apparently I had no idea how frustrating it was for him!! narcissistic as** hol*~.

The thing is, it has taken the lawyers this long to realize stbx is very articulate but makes no sense and yes arbitration is the next step.

Nothing stops the constant bleed of money, it just goes on and on. Arbitration is not cheap, mediation is not cheap, filing motions is not cheap and the only way I will ever recoup any of the costs is if he is ordered to pay costs and right now I have no hope of that happening.

Sorry to the OP, I didn't mean to high jack the thread.

Rant over, sorry again.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:31 AM.