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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-28-2017, 09:08 PM
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Your so right Arabian. In fact , I used to tell my mother that I didn't want to grow old with him. It was a fate worse than death.
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Old 07-29-2017, 12:08 AM
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Funny....I seen the humor in that comment right away. Tomestones and side by side etc.... I guess both you and Arabian are not into romantic comedies? LOL

Its a good thing both of you are not collecting SS from your ex(s), considering you've admitted to having second thoughts in your marriage right at the start. Otherwise it would look like you hung in there for the payout.....
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Old 07-29-2017, 01:33 AM
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Actually Newfie 76 there really is nothing funny about it if you were to know what aweful things happened after the marriage.Ex was arrested for Hostage taking, death threats to the children, me, the neighbors. Lost his drivers license twice for serious road rage incidents. Lost his job after he was arrested at work for assaulting a co-worker. I never had charges laid against him. He was convicted of assault against others, destruction of public property, road rage, criminal harassment. His Brain injury. Not funny. At all.

I didn't want to grow old with this man because it was hell surviving living with him as a young woman. I couldn't imagine being able to get out of the way fast enough as an old woman to dodge flying crowbars and other inanimate objects. Let alone putting up with the temper tantrums, drinking and foul language. Getting the kids and I out alive and in one piece was hard enough.

When he told me he thought it was romantic to have his last name on my tombstone I should have run in the opposite direction as fast as my legs could carry me...but I was much younger then and naive.

Last edited by Stillbreathing; 07-29-2017 at 01:35 AM.
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Old 07-29-2017, 02:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newfie76 View Post
Funny....I seen the humor in that comment right away. Tomestones and side by side etc.... I guess both you and Arabian are not into romantic comedies? LOL

Its a good thing both of you are not collecting SS from your ex(s), considering you've admitted to having second thoughts in your marriage right at the start. Otherwise it would look like you hung in there for the payout.....
pulease.... my ex would have to live to 100 and SS still wouldn't cover what he owes me.
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Old 07-29-2017, 04:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
My ex husband broke his vows but technically I broke them too by leaving him when I told him I'd be there until death.
I too had some severe cognitive dissonance about the fact that I was breaking my vows by divorcing my ex. There isn't any 'out' in the vows just because the other person breaks them first. But divorce exists, so that's an unwritten out, I guess. In legal terms, it's a contract. If the other party breaks the contract, the whole thing is null and void.
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Old 07-29-2017, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I do remember while walking down the aisle with my father I was thinking "what the f++k am I doing?"
My mom came over for a coffee 2 nights before the wedding, and I told her then that I thought I was making a mistake. She fully encouraged me to call it off – but how do you cancel 250 guests who have pre-booked hotel rooms, a hall, caterers, florists? Water under the bridge now. However, if our kidlet calls me 2 days in advance of her wedding to share the same, I’ll be making all of the calls and cancelling everything for her.

I posed the original question because at a recent graduation ceremony, I finally deduced that my ex will be in my life until death parts us. As a parent who separated when our kidlet was 1 and is now 22, the ex is still in my life. Do I see him daily/regularly? No, of course not.

However when kidlet finishes her masters, plans a wedding, perhaps has some babies - those babies will have birthdays, dance recitals, and then weddings. And I fully intend on participating in all of the above – as does he.

I suppose I’ll go to his funeral, if he dies first, and I trust he’ll come to mine, if I go first. He might dance on my grave , but I doubt it. He’ll hold himself back in front of the kidlet, and focus on being her parent, rather than on being an ex.
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Old 07-30-2017, 12:38 PM
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I don't like "til death do us part" at all. Vows should not be broken but saying I will be with you until my death is not realistic. If your spouse abuses you or cheats on you multiple times or does some other intolerable thing, the other spouse rightfully deserves an "out". My ex husband broke his vows but technically I broke them too by leaving him when I told him I'd be there until death.


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But what if the actual marriage dies...does that count?

Marriages are contracts. If a person doesn't meet the basic contractual obligations, you should absolutely have the right to walk away.

Or run away screaming, in my case....

I must say though, being married for the 2nd time is beyond awesome. Its nice now understanding what marriage is supposed to be.
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Old 07-31-2017, 11:34 AM
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The vows are a nice idea, but if you find yourself at 35, 45, 55, ... and miserable in your marriage, do you resign yourself to being miserable for the rest of your days and then dying? Or hoping your spouse dies young so you'll be free? Neither of these are things I wanted to think about.

100 years ago, there was a ton of familial, church, and societal support to keep couples together, there were multiple generation under one roof, there were aunts, uncles, cousins living close by. There was no social safety net if you got sick. Children were your pension when you were too old, sick, blind, to work. Given all this, there was a lot more incentive to tough it out, mainly because there were no other options for many people.

Today, couples are on their own, for the most part. We have government and private pensions, healthcare, savings, etc. Children are fewer and a financial minus. Families move around a lot more than they used to so you may have few to no relatives close by.

Vows not withstanding, it's no wonder the divorce rate is up. Little external support and financial and social options.
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Old 07-31-2017, 05:51 PM
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I think I heard the other day that a "starter" home in Toronto is around 550K.

People who bought homes 20 years ago have quadrupled their investments in some cases. So older generation is doing quite well financially.

There is huge financial pressure on people nowadays. Most people carry enormous debt-load.

When people are working 2 jobs just to keep the roof over their heads there isn't much room for social activities or quality family time.

Day care employees spend more time with children than their parents in many cases or children are "latch-key" kids. People are doing the best they can do but at what cost?

It's a rat-race of enormous proportions.
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Old 08-05-2017, 04:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
But what if the actual marriage dies...does that count?



Marriages are contracts. If a person doesn't meet the basic contractual obligations, you should absolutely have the right to walk away.



Or run away screaming, in my case....



I must say though, being married for the 2nd time is beyond awesome. Its nice now understanding what marriage is supposed to be.


Lol PH. The death of the marriage should absolutely count!
You're right - he broke a contract so I was entitled to run screaming......which I did. The loyalty in me had a hard time with it even though he had been about as disloyal as they come. But that just took some time to come to terms with.
I'm happy you have found out what marriage truly should look like the second time around. I have too and I agree it's awesome to finally be at that place.


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