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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #61 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2014, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Richard519 View Post
Amazing, so how do I deal with a mother who one day is talking with me about working things out, and last night, she's switching that up, and tells me that she's never coming back home, never mind what's in the best interest of my daughters, having the father, and mother in the same home raising the children, because she wants to do what makes her happy.

She can't afford to buy my daughters clothes for school, doesn't have enough money to have internet, so that my oldest daughter can do projects online.
time to let it go...she doesn't want to be with you, get over it. If she wasn't happy being with you then that is that. Its in the best interest of the kids to have two parents who love them and are able to co-parent.
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  #62 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2014, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Richard519 View Post
But what i'm wondering is this, how do I convey to my lawyer that my daughters mother cannot afford to take care of my children, so that I can get them back in my custody?

My lawyer doesn't seem to be on the ball when it comes to taking care of this case.

You focus on 50/50. At this point, with the argument and issues at your stbx house, you arent in a position for full custody and your lawyer probably recognizes that. It doesnt matter how much money she has or what her lifestyle is, she'll pull herself together and play the wonderful mother who had to get away from an abusive husband. Added to that, your teen is old enough to choose and from the sounds of it, she will choose mom.

You have to fight the battle you have a chance at. Thats 50/50. As long as your ex has money coming in (welfare + child support) she can still raise her kids. So now you prove you can be a 50/50 dad. Thats what your lawyer is doing from the sounds of it. Rebuild your relationship with your kids and show them youre not the bastard your ex makes you out to be.
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  #63 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2014, 12:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard519 View Post
But what i'm wondering is this, how do I convey to my lawyer that my daughters mother cannot afford to take care of my children, so that I can get them back in my custody?

My lawyer doesn't seem to be on the ball when it comes to taking care of this case.
Your lawyer is being realistic. You aren't going to get custody of both kids. The older one has made it clear that she doesn't want to live with you and she's old enough that her wishes will carry weight. As for the younger one, you haven't presented any reason why her mother should lose custody. The fact that you don't like her mother is irrelevant to her parenting abilities.

The best you can aim for is 50/50 of your youngest child. However, in order for 50/50 to work, you have to demonstrate that you are able to co-operate with her mother, despite your negative feelings about her. You're behind the eight-ball in this regard - entering her residence without permission, causing scenes that result in the police being called, having a restraining order against you, etc. You need to work on overcoming this damage and being the most co-operative, calm and agreeable father on the planet. Anger management courses are a good place to start.

Right now, based on what you've said it would be very easy for a judge to give sole custody to the mother, as the children have been living with the mother for six months, there's no reason (other than your opinion) to think she is an unfit parent, and you have shown that you are extremely hostile towards the mother. If you don't want this to happen, you need to change your ways now.

Have you been paying her full table child support since April (see http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/c...look-rech.asp] If not, start now and pay her the accumulated arrears. You can't argue that the mother doesn't have enough money to care for the kids if you haven't been upholding your financial responsibility. It doesn't matter if they're living with their mother. You need to show that you are concerned with the well-being of the children, not just with getting them back from their mother.

Once again, take a look at the example of other posters who have also endured unwilling separations from their children but who are working to get 50/50 by being co-operative and child-focused, rather than raging against their ex and justifying their own aggressive behavior. Learn from these guys.

Last edited by stripes; 10-02-2014 at 12:18 PM. Reason: got rid of 404 error
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  #64 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2014, 04:22 PM
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I have not read every bit of advise in this thread. Most of what I have read are tid-bits of information and advise that will help the OP move along the system as it currently exists.

The initial post spoke of an "abduction," that the mother has apologized for her wrong-doing (hopefully in writing or recorded!), and as it has spiralled onwards through this board, a 16yr old child has seemingly become alienated..

Specifically to the OP, please understand that there is such a thing, by my own experience and thus current understanding, as a legal abduction. Meaning, family law has not caught up with some of the antics that some parents are capable of.

You need to get smart. You need to learn the law.

According to the law, the mother is entitled by her actions until you can prove, on an equation of balance of probability, that some or all of it was premeditated with another motive. This will suck for you as it sucks for many others.

I suggest a stronghold of individuals band together to show the law that a legal abduction is equally as wrong as a full-on and deliberate physical abduction.

I'm looking for advocates here, not whiners.

Additionally to the OP, steer clear of the dad groups as their reputation in the system is not the best. Most of these groups have made vast errors that have lead them to become more noise instead of legal substance for change.
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  #65 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2014, 07:17 PM
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Originally Posted by MommyTime View Post
I have not read every bit of advise in this thread. Most of what I have read are tid-bits of information and advise that will help the OP move along the system as it currently exists.

The initial post spoke of an "abduction," that the mother has apologized for her wrong-doing (hopefully in writing or recorded!), and as it has spiralled onwards through this board, a 16yr old child has seemingly become alienated..

Specifically to the OP, please understand that there is such a thing, by my own experience and thus current understanding, as a legal abduction. Meaning, family law has not caught up with some of the antics that some parents are capable of.

You need to get smart. You need to learn the law.

According to the law, the mother is entitled by her actions until you can prove, on an equation of balance of probability, that some or all of it was premeditated with another motive. This will suck for you as it sucks for many others.

I suggest a stronghold of individuals band together to show the law that a legal abduction is equally as wrong as a full-on and deliberate physical abduction.

I'm looking for advocates here, not whiners.

Additionally to the OP, steer clear of the dad groups as their reputation in the system is not the best. Most of these groups have made vast errors that have lead them to become more noise instead of legal substance for change.
If you are referring to my post, no, the mother has not apologized.

There has not been one ounce of contrition on her behalf.
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