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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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Old 03-09-2017, 11:10 AM
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Default Venting away.

I was talking and venting with a friend of mine yesterday about some of the ongoing struggles I've encountered in the last six months. She doesn't have kids, never separated and evidently could not understand much of the situation.

I turn to you fine members now, as I am at a loss.

Some factors to consider, in August 2016, there was a motion to change our existing order. Prior to this, we agreed and hired a SW and custody assessor privately and who worked with us to determine the best interest of S7. She made multiple recommendations such as father's access reverting to every second weekend (Fri 4pm to Mon 9am) and an additional overnight (Mon 4pm-Tue 9am). Medical and educational decisions to be made by myself and in the case of any prolonged disagreement, final decisions revert to me. So basically having sole custody.

We were ordered to continue the use of OurFamilyWizard as a means of communication.

Child support was upped (100$) to 500$ plus section 7 expenses.
Costs were reserved in our prior case conference. (Ex did not file any financial declarations in court or income taxes for the year prior).

Other items such as ex cannabis use in his home, needs to seek counseling support in light of his emotional reactivity, anger issues, psychologist assessments, so on so forth...


Here's where it gets out of hand...

Communications
Ex, via text message became belligerent in his communications, unable to organize thoughts/phrases, often criticizing, blaming,threatening and this up to about two weeks ago. Ex has adamantly refused to continue using OFW as a communication platform but whenever certain matters required his attention, I needed to notify him by mobile text. The communication from him (and a few from his partner) became so toxic and borderline abusive that I informed him that I wanted to halt all communications via text other than in the event S7 is on route to hospital for emergency medical treatment. I added that I would continue using OFW.

Victory! No more crazy / zodiac style / anger fulled text messages. Welp, not really a victory. Ex hasn't logged into OFW in 3 months. He has no idea about hockey games, march break, out of school exchanges, school issues, health issues, optometrist and doctors appointments.

Some of you may see this as trivial but it's hard to co parent with an "absent" parent. I always take the high road and do my very best to keep any communication clear, to the point,concise and pleasant so why is he not backing off and follow my lead with regards to basic, purposeful communication about S7.
Arghhhhh!

CS and FRO
Ex has been in arrears for a few years (2013). Payments are never made on time, are never the right amount and no payment plans with FRO have been discussed for payments of arrears. I don't ask for section 7 expenses for fear that this will make him explode (as in the past). I assume all costs of medical, dental and extra curricular activities. I've been working with FRO but this has proven very ineffective. They've issued a writ of seizure (he owns nothing other than his equipment from the tattoo shop he owns/operates and his vehicle, a Navigator), garnishment of Gov issued contributions (he hasn't filed taxes and is self employed) and have issued a license suspension notice in Nov but he made a small payment within the prescribed time so the suspension was stayed. FRO informed me last week that they would reach out to him on Friday, no answer, VM was left but never returned. FRO informed me that they would bypass the license suspension notice as of Tuesday but would again place a call to him first. They did, he picked up and stated that he paid a small sum that morning.

Seriously?? He's 3000$ behind, no arrears were paid and he paid 250$ that morning. Interestingly enough, I received the Reserved Cost Submissions and Order from my lawyer that day. He's ordered to pay 14 000$.

Is it just me or is something crazy wrong here?
Have any of you ever been in the same situation? On both points or just one. How did you manage.
No matter the Court Order, I feel there's simply no way to "win" on those points.

I get it, he's bitter and angry, he lost custody and a lot of time with S7, through his own fault, but I deal with all that backlash too and try to offer S7 stability and a happy childhood, yes I agree, I won the lottery there!

Thank you, for the time and space to vent. Comments are appreciated.

Have a splendid day folks!
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Old 03-09-2017, 12:03 PM
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good vent.

your ex is most definitely a slime-ball.
Keep the pressure on FRO... call frequently... fax letters. when they take his drivers' licence he will pay attention.

What a loser... Has a tattoo place ....drives a Navigator but won't support his children.
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Old 03-09-2017, 12:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post

I won the lottery there!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
I turn to you fine members now, as I am at a loss.
That is what happens when your children are viewed by you as a money prize to be won.
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Old 03-09-2017, 02:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
Communications
To solve the communications platform, what you do is you copy and paste the exact text messages (that are actually relevant and deserve a reply) into OFW and respond via the platform. You don't respond via SMS. That way you are complying with the court order (or agreement) and are responding to the other parent. If they don't log in and read the messages - they are the ones at fault.

Generally, the other parent, if they are truly interested in being a parent, will go the platform and notice that this is what happens for every SMS and will simply use OFW instead.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
Ex hasn't logged into OFW in 3 months. He has no idea about hockey games, march break, out of school exchanges, school issues, health issues, optometrist and doctors appointments.
Again, that is the other parent's perogative. You are doing exactly what you should be doing. Continue to keep everything up to date and communicate via the platform. Don't get sucked into the SMS wars nonsense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
Some of you may see this as trivial but it's hard to co parent with an "absent" parent.
To be frank your agreement has nothing to do with "co-parenting". You (a) have majority access and (b) sole custody of the children. You are sole custodial "parenting" by virtue of your sole custody order/agreement and you are "majority" parenting on the access time.

To think that a parent that gets the E-O-W order is going to "co-parent" is a pipe dream that you should drop. They are going to either (a) ignore you, (b) annoy you, (c) undermine you so they can "win" back the child or (d) abandon you and in turn the child.

It sounds like you are dealing with option (d) "Abandonment". By virtue of the order they are responsible for NOTHING with regards to the child. Every-other-weekend they see the child but, that isn't really enough to motivate most parents to "parent" or to "co-parent".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
I get it, he's bitter and angry, he lost custody and a lot of time with S7, through his own fault, but I deal with all that backlash too and try to offer S7 stability and a happy childhood...
But, would you want to co-parent with someone like that. You can at any time come to a new agreement, void the previous order and enter into a full joint custodial situation with equal 50-50 access of the child. Maybe his anger would change if he was given the opportunity to be an equal (aka co) parent. Now, this is not what I am suggesting you do.

But, you need to consider what the root of the other parent's anger is. Is it the situation of being an E-O-W parent who has no say in the child's well beeing? That can really cause some parents, who otherwise would be excellent parents, to make some stupid decisions like you have outlined.

Anyone who takes option (d) "Absent Parent" in a hissy fit over what happened isn't going to ever be a "co-parent".

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 03-09-2017, 03:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
That is what happens when your children are viewed by you as a money prize to be won.

Euuhhhh my S7's well being is worth more to me than anything in this Universe. I'm surprised you saw the word "lottery" and automatically associated it with money...

But thank you for your reply.
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Old 03-09-2017, 03:32 PM
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Thanks for the great words of wisdom Tayken, I really appreciate it! My motto's been "take the high road" as much as I can and I abide by my order. It just really blows my mind and it's good to have such forums to vent! Again, much thanks!
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Old 03-09-2017, 07:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post

To think that a parent that gets the E-O-W order is going to "co-parent" is a pipe dream that you should drop. They are going to either (a) ignore you, (b) annoy you, (c) undermine you so they can "win" back the child or (d) abandon you and in turn the child.
Stats on the above please.
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Old 03-09-2017, 09:51 PM
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Stats on the above please.
CHILD CUSTODY - Selected Statistics on Canadian Families and Family Law: Second Edition


Quote:
The regularity of visits also drops considerably over time. Fifty-seven percent of children whose parents had been separated for less than two years at the time of the survey visited their fathers regularly (every week or every two weeks). This percentage drops to thirty-one percent when the parents had been separated five or more years before the survey.
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Old 03-10-2017, 09:01 AM
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What a sad stat! I briefly skimmed through the articles and information but I still wonder why this happens, is it because the fathers are disinterested, the children won't visit, mothers not following through...It seems to go down for every category over time...It is also a 20 yr old study, things may have changed.
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Old 03-10-2017, 12:46 PM
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Ya beat me to it. There are other sources but, this is the best CND one. There are a pile attached to the Austrailian stuff. They did a huge study... That is why things are different there.
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