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Old 07-15-2014, 08:27 AM
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Unhappy Vent: going on vacation without 1 child

my ex has remarried and has 2 small kids. they're going on a "family" vacation to disney world… planned for a week when the 14yo won't be there… he wasn't invited but told all about it. He's upset, I'm sad for him…

nothing I can do about it but give 14yo a hug offer support and make plans to have an awesome together summer despite being excluded from disney world.

vent over.
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Old 07-15-2014, 09:38 AM
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-Perhaps they thought he was too old for Disney, especially if most of the time would be spent in the kiddy rides.

-Perhaps the restrictive custody schedule didn't allow them the option to include him.

-Perhaps they can't afford another person. Another plane ticket is $$$, plus admission. And with 5 people you may not be able to get away with only one hotel room. Another hotel room would also be $$$.

I have a son with autism and my new partner has two kids of a similar age to my son. I feel terrible but we do occasionally do trips that don't include him... his special needs place a finite limit on what he can handle and/or enjoy. Instead of spending the money and effort to take him out of town to Canada's Wonderland, we start small with local fairs where he can enjoy rides and be closer to home and familiarity. Even the local fairs overwhelm him so I console myself with that. The last thing I want is to be a 45 minute walk away from the car with my son 7 hours away from home while he is having an autistic melt down because he can't tolerate the crowds, noise, lights and the social nicety of waiting in line.
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Old 07-15-2014, 09:42 AM
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We went through this somewhat a few years back.

The kid's mom want to take the oldest who was 16 (thus could travel on an adult passport) to Cancun for March break. She was quite willing to leave the 13 year old behind, because she knew due to the parental abductions she pulled when the kids were younger, we'd never let the 13 year old travel out of the country again with her mom (not thrilled by the 16 year old doing it, but less of a legal leg to stand on).

The 13 year old was naturally upset, but understood our reasoning as to not letting her leave the country.

We decided to plan a ski trip to BC (was going to wait another year till the kids were better skiers). Thus my daughter had something to look forward to.

Once my son received his trip instructions from his mom
- he had to call her 'mommy' not 'mom' (remember he was 16 at the time)
- he had to sleep on the pull out couch (he was 6'5" and over 200 lbs)
- he had to carry the luggage (his and hers)
- any food he at the park, he had to pay for (see above size all he did was eat)
- he had to talk nicely to her at all times.

Seriously, it was written up as a contract. DS quickly decided against going with her and decided to come along with us. There was no contract with us, just our usual expectations of acceptable behaviour.
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Old 07-15-2014, 11:44 AM
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Quote:
nothing I can do about it but give 14yo a hug offer support and make plans to have an awesome together summer despite being excluded from disney world.
You can do SOOO much more.
-A trip to cuba is 700$ all inclusive.
-Staycation
and more...

At the end when the kid hates his dad and the dad blames you for it - you can point to this as why. What a heartless bastard - at least give the kid a consolation prize....
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Old 07-15-2014, 12:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
You can do SOOO much more.
-A trip to cuba is 700$ all inclusive.
-Staycation
and more...

At the end when the kid hates his dad and the dad blames you for it - you can point to this as why. What a heartless bastard - at least give the kid a consolation prize....
Well on this we can agree. Sends a message loud and clear you are second best SON!
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Old 07-15-2014, 11:59 PM
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we're working on a plan not sure what its going to look like yet - but it will be awesome! I've got the time, and a little bit of money set aside so we will come up with something fun and focused on him.

its good that he's such an good kid - told him we'd work something out and he's excited about it, but still sad he was excluded from Disney (which he totally wanted to go to and could have gone given our 50/50 summer schedule).

There's a whole lot more drama with his dad along similar lines, and its horrible to see his 14yo eyes opening up and finally seeing some of the stuff thats been around for years for what it is and with him now being old enough to see through the manipulation.

thanks everyone!
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Old 07-16-2014, 07:34 AM
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Oh that's so sad. My kids get treated the same way. Always come second after the "new" family.

It's so great that you're planning something special for him.
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Old 07-16-2014, 07:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by red6419 View Post
we're working on a plan not sure what its going to look like yet - but it will be awesome! I've got the time, and a little bit of money set aside so we will come up with something fun and focused on him.

its good that he's such an good kid - told him we'd work something out and he's excited about it, but still sad he was excluded from Disney (which he totally wanted to go to and could have gone given our 50/50 summer schedule).

There's a whole lot more drama with his dad along similar lines, and its horrible to see his 14yo eyes opening up and finally seeing some of the stuff thats been around for years for what it is and with him now being old enough to see through the manipulation.

thanks everyone!
I think this is sometimes an unfortunate aspect of divorce. My fiancé's parents got divorced when him and his brother were young. His Dad remarried a women you had two boys around the same age as him and his brother. Growing up it was clear that the other two boys were favoured over him and his brother. My fiancé was able to leave the situation sooner than his brother, who was 6 years younger than him.

Over the years I have heard the stories of what those two had to endure while at their fathers place and the sad thing is now that they are in their late 20s and early 30s they still get treated like they always have. Well the camels back was finally broken last week when the step mom did something that made his younger brother lose his mind. He went up one side of her and down the other and then turned to his father and told him that he will no longer subject himself to the negativity that person brings and if he wants to see him or his family again, that women better not be around.

Their Dad has dug their own hole and now he is being forced to try and climb out of it. Your child will realize what his Dad is all about and there is nothing you can do about that expect be there to help him when he is hurt.
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Old 07-16-2014, 09:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioMomma View Post
Oh that's so sad. My kids get treated the same way. Always come second after the "new" family.

It's so great that you're planning something special for him.
Actually, they don't even come second.
The dog comes before them too, as does work, their new house, tattoos for dad... the list goes on...

Berner is right, it's a very all-too-common aspect of divorce.
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Old 07-16-2014, 11:10 AM
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This makes me sad. My partner puts his kids first. But his kids put him somewhere around 8 or 9th place. (Which I understand to a point since theyre teens). They dont even respond to emails or calls he makes. If we had the option to do shit with them we would. Hell i go searching for stuff to do when I know theyre even talking about a visit. These women give other new partners a bad name.
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