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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-18-2014, 01:30 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Some people gamble some people shop some people eat some people drink - all in excess.

Coping strategies for an unhappy marriage perhaps?

I was a golfaholic the last 5 years of my marriage.

What were you doing while your ex was shopping?
Good point! I've noticed that many long-term couples go their separate ways many years before actually divorcing. My marriage went to the dogs (literally) - as the ex's drinking/anger problems got worse - I invested all my time and energy into my dogs. Went to dog-shows, corresponded with other breeders, took classes. In other words anything but face the fact that what we had ... was over. The Ex would complain that I 'neglected' him in favor of the mutts!

Craigerst's Ex found her escape in shopping excessively and I suspect his 'dope of choice' was his business.
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Old 11-18-2014, 01:37 AM
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"Craigerst's Ex found her escape in shopping excessively and I suspect his 'dope of choice' was his business."

It's a vicious cycle for sure. Boy meets girl. Boy buys girl nice things. Girl wants more nice things. Boy works more for nice things. Girl complains that boy is always at work. Girl shops to escape misery. Boy goes to work even more to cover the bills. Girl feels even more sad, shops some more...

And so on and so on....
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Old 11-18-2014, 11:10 AM
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Absolutely guilty LOL. My business was my passion. It fuelled the fire. It was the enabler to everything. It was what allowed allowed all the excess. It is funny how people were able to zero in on that. It is somewhat pitiful that my passion for that business has died. It has run it's course. Now of course I am not allowed to even walk away from it. Right or wrong I cannot walk away.

I could go the medical route but I sincerely hope that the fire comes back. Once upon a time I loved my job and the intensity of it. It in fact is what kept me going. I do not think I lived to work. I think I worked to live. I took at least 8 weeks off a year. Somewhere something went wrong obviously. I guess it was when I was working it was pure work. My bad.

I am snowed in at my happy place now and loving every minute of it. It is gorgeous. Everything is white and gorgeous. No way I am getting out until the weather breaks. Could be a day could be a week. Ex is suspiciously quiet after going ballistic on me again. I expect she is huddled up with lawyer planning a comeback to my disclosure. It is pathetic that after 28 years it is down to lawyer to lawyer at 400 bucks a hour. Sanity needs to break through. Probably too late.
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Old 11-18-2014, 05:09 PM
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Nobody comes into life with a gaurantee.

Enjoy your man cave, lick your wounds, get your wind back. Good your chatting here about it.

At some point you'll get bored of looking at trees and snow and get re focused.

Your current business is Family Law, I suggest you throw the same vigor into that as you did for your other business.

It's too bad some people only have Court papers (in a shoebook stuffed in a closet) to look back over 10 -15 years later, they should of kept a diary...because everything today will seem so ridiculously stupid reading over.

My mother bless her soul is on her third husband (they keep croaking on her)...current husband number 3's ex wife (divorced 20 years) is still after him for money and he's 83 years old. (drives my mother nuts)

I strongly suggest you get matters DONE and finalized,(forever) if that means pissing away 400 bucks an hour to do it.. do it.
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Old 11-18-2014, 05:50 PM
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I hear you Mr T. I am actually feeling the cabin fever today but have no choice but to wait it out. Could not leave if I wanted to. Weather is controlling me now. I long ago recognized I have more to lose with this new business than I have to gain with the old business at this point. I cherish the day I can look back on this and call it stupid. Right now it is smack in my face and very damn real. In the big picture 400 bucks an hour is not that bad. I often feel like I am just here for the ride. Seems like every day there is a dramatic new twist to the situation. Some good. Some bad.
It is pitiful that after so many years so much bitterness and hatred built up. So many terrible things were said by both parties. Such bickering over minuscule stupid "things & stuff" by both of us. Such deep feelings of mistrust and deceit on my spouses part it is like I do not know her. I must take the blame for that since I never involved her in the financial affairs. It was a continuos flow of unending money and she simply does not believe the pot was not as large as she thought. A classic together we were strong, apart not so much.
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Old 11-18-2014, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
Good point! I've noticed that many long-term couples go their separate ways many years before actually divorcing. My marriage went to the dogs (literally) - as the ex's drinking/anger problems got worse - I invested all my time and energy into my dogs. Went to dog-shows, corresponded with other breeders, took classes. In other words anything but face the fact that what we had ... was over. The Ex would complain that I 'neglected' him in favor of the mutts!

Craigerst's Ex found her escape in shopping excessively and I suspect his 'dope of choice' was his business.
I bought books ... hundreds of books ... and read obsessively. Fortunately, this was a cheap addiction, as they go, because my bookstores of choice were the Salvation Army and garage sales. Looking back, near the end of the marriage I was using the same coping mechanism that I did during my childhood - using the written word to transport me far away from the trouble around me.
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Old 11-18-2014, 08:41 PM
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I bought books ... hundreds of books ... and read obsessively. Fortunately, this was a cheap addiction, as they go, because my bookstores of choice were the Salvation Army and garage sales. Looking back, near the end of the marriage I was using the same coping mechanism that I did during my childhood - using the written word to transport me far away from the trouble around me.
Yep, most of us learn these coping skills when we're young and chances are we stick with them for life. I'll bet anything that the OP would hide in a tree house when he was a kid or run off to some secret place to be alone when he was upset ...

For me it was my 'mini-zoo' ... first kid in my high school to own a ferret .
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Old 11-22-2014, 04:28 PM
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I finally made it home. Back to reality from my snowed in cottage. The trip took 11 hours instead of 4 but it is what it is. Now I am looking to relax by venting through my fingers and written word. Tough day for sure. Still waiting for response from my financial disclosure. Apparently from what I have been advised the ex has decided it is okay to sell mm home. I have wanted this for a long time. I now think with it being so close to Christmas I should just wait. Any real estate people out there who care to offer there opinion?
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Old 11-22-2014, 04:45 PM
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Beware of real estate agents telling you your home is worth more than it is.

I have sold both through realtors and on my own. When using realtors I have a rule to never give a realtor a listing for more than 60 days (30 days preferably). If you have the home priced correctly you should have no problem selling no matter what time of the year you sell. If you sell at this time of year you tend to have less competition. There are serious, qualified buyers out there year-round.

Many people make the mistake of having longer listings so they can fix up their places. Many people think that by throwing more money in improvements at the place that they will get a bigger selling price. I believe that when people do this they become re-attached to the home and are less willing to negotiate on serious offers, thinking they should be reimbursed for the cosmetic work they have recently done on the place.

Get er done and move on.
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Old 11-22-2014, 05:13 PM
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I understand what you are saying and tend to agree. It may come down to a situation of do I want the hassle of open houses and keeping house clean yada yada yad as well as business year end and Christmas.

I totally agree on agents telliing you what your house is worth. There goal is to first get the listing at any price. They can always work you down then.

Going to have to put thought into this. It is a bit of a screwed up situation since I have been pushing to sell house for weeks. I was confident it was the correct thing to do. A different real estate deal that was closing in February was scaring me with a possible cash flow problem but now that problem has been delayed. As I said somewhere in this forum before every day a new thing happens that seems to put a new flavour on the situation.

Maybe at some point I have to say screw it and get out and accept possible less value to just as you say "get er done"
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