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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-18-2015, 10:54 PM
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Originally Posted by ele110 View Post
Ugh indeed.
I would start planning my own vacation and leave him behind to watch the house and be miserable if that is what he wants.
Obviously it's not what he wants. What he wants is to be able to have holidays WITH his children instead of feeling they've been made to hate him. Feeling guilty about taking a holiday because you think your own children prefer you to be miserable is a terrible thing.

The sad thing is that for Rockscan to finally break up with him because she can't stand his ex means the terrorists win.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 12-18-2015, 11:18 PM
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I think Rockscan is up to the challenge. Cudos for her. The guy she is with is likely the type who doesn't appreciate someone until they are gone (thus his guilt and angst about his children and ex perhaps?).

I lived with a "coulda, shoulda, woulda" individual for 30 years. Horrible.

He moves on with her or hope she leaves him in the dust.
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Old 12-19-2015, 07:41 AM
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is it really worth all the stress? If its upsetting the OP that much then its time to move on. Those are his kids for better or for worse and up to him to decide how the handle the relationship with them.
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Old 12-19-2015, 09:41 AM
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We talked last night. I told him I dont like saying mean things any more than having mean things said to me. He agreed he hates fighting. He got upset later on when I was telling him about an aspect of our trip that made him anxious. Kudos to Arabian for calling it--hes 90% anxious about our trip and 10% worried about the kids.

He has a feeling his ex showed the email exchange last week with the oldest and even though it was benign, she will see it as "dad not cooperating". Hes agreed to stop playing the games. She doesnt want to share info, her problem. Hes sad about the kids but he agreed fighting them is making it worse. Hes going to try letting it go.

I love this man and if we break up we all lose (and the terrorists win). Everyone comes with a level of baggage. I have mine and he has his. There are days that are easier than others and the holidays are horrible. Im sad his ex feels she needs to battle like this. Shes hurting the kids by denying them a healthy relationship with their father.
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Old 12-19-2015, 10:17 AM
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Often people who haven't travel much are super anxious prior to the trip. I have a friend who won't travel with her SO. Fear of the unknown and the thought of not having a timetable is heaven for some and hell for others. People who don't travel regularly only have visual memories of HUGE line-ups at airports, body searches they have seen on TV. Thought of going to another country can be stressful for some - they have heard about tourists being murdered in hotels....

Once you are checked in at your resort go for a swim in the ocean or book a massage. aaaaaahhhhhhh that sounds splendid!
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Old 12-21-2015, 09:53 AM
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enjoy the trip!
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Old 12-21-2015, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
We talked last night. I told him I dont like saying mean things any more than having mean things said to me. He agreed he hates fighting. He got upset later on when I was telling him about an aspect of our trip that made him anxious. Kudos to Arabian for calling it--hes 90% anxious about our trip and 10% worried about the kids.

He has a feeling his ex showed the email exchange last week with the oldest and even though it was benign, she will see it as "dad not cooperating". Hes agreed to stop playing the games. She doesnt want to share info, her problem. Hes sad about the kids but he agreed fighting them is making it worse. Hes going to try letting it go.

I love this man and if we break up we all lose (and the terrorists win). Everyone comes with a level of baggage. I have mine and he has his. There are days that are easier than others and the holidays are horrible. Im sad his ex feels she needs to battle like this. Shes hurting the kids by denying them a healthy relationship with their father.
It sounds like the problem here is not so much baggage as behaviour. He's putting too much attention and time into his dumbass ex and bratty kids, and there's not enough left for his partner to feel that she matters. This strikes me as similar to a spouse who feels neglected because his/her partner is putting all his/her time into video gaming, gambling, flirting with other people, whatever. It's all behaviours which take away from the importance of the central relationship. It sounds like there's something about the battling with the ex and kids that keeps him hooked - reminds me of the saying that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. It doesn't sound like he's made the move to indifference yet.
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Old 12-21-2015, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
It sounds like the problem here is not so much baggage as behaviour. He's putting too much attention and time into his dumbass ex and bratty kids, and there's not enough left for his partner to feel that she matters. This strikes me as similar to a spouse who feels neglected because his/her partner is putting all his/her time into video gaming, gambling, flirting with other people, whatever. It's all behaviours which take away from the importance of the central relationship. It sounds like there's something about the battling with the ex and kids that keeps him hooked - reminds me of the saying that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. It doesn't sound like he's made the move to indifference yet.
I agree, your SO lacks introspection and is doomed to repeat the same mistakes, he sounds like a beta.
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Old 12-21-2015, 04:24 PM
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Hope she gets him to turn his cell phone off while they are away.
Also hope she manages to have a nice time.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 12-21-2015, 04:31 PM
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I agree, your SO lacks introspection and is doomed to repeat the same mistakes, he sounds like a beta.
Nothing to do with being a beta, this just sounds like someone who's gotten stuck in a rut (of being caught up in the drama of the ex and kids). Maybe a vacation (with cellphone off) will help him to refocus and reboot.
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