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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-05-2014, 01:47 PM
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Default Time to vent.

Hi,

I don't post often but thought I'd vent a little here.

Here's the Coles notes version...

Married over 15 years, wife was unhappy. Did therapy bla bla... she wanted her own space for a few months. I desperately wanted to make her happy so rented a basement apartment for a few months to let her sort things out.

What I didn't know is that she was dating someone else. She got the house, the kids. She makes more then double what I make. She agreed to a small reduction in child support in lieu paying me spousal support. I'm another weekend dad. (I though in this day and age it was 50 - 50 the judge thought they were better off with their mom.)

It is what it is. After emptying my bank account to fight it I gave up.

Fast forward 6 years later.

I'm happily married. My daughters visit when they want. Our door is always open to them. On fathers day my oldest asked if she could talk. She told me her step dad has been molesting her for over a year. After talking to the police and pressing charges, she decided to live with us. I didn't make any changes to the support order. I figured she'll go back to her moms. After a few months, its clear she's not going back. I'm not asking for child support. All I want is for me to stop paying her, for her to sign a form to let the kid get the money for an RESP we set up and to pay her share of university expenses.

She lawyered up instead.

Its 6 months later, I've paid for 2 semesters of college, therapy for my kid, while still paying out child support.

I'm the guy that wasn't fit for 50-50. False allegations of anger issues, drinking problems... The judge bought it all the first and second time.

I'm fucking tired, I'm broke. At least my daughter is doing well. She's actually blossoming I'm so proud of her.

Next step is a motion to vary.

Not looking for advice, or sympathy.

Big thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now.
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Old 11-05-2014, 02:04 PM
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What a terrible thing for your daughter to go through. You must have been sorely tempted to do great bodily injury to the step-father.
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Old 11-05-2014, 02:07 PM
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Is the other daughter ok? How is it she hasnt been removed from the house?
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Old 11-05-2014, 02:13 PM
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I'm moved to tears by your story. And I'm terribly sorry for your daughter.

I note that you said you have daughters and that it was the oldest who came forward with the molestation. What about your other daughters? They are still living there? I'm surprised that even with allegations not yet proven, that CAS would allow your other female daughters to continue to live there.

While it doesn't help you any - you are not alone. My husband was accused of some of the same things you were and worse. Its a tainted system where it pays to lie because there are little consequences for those that do...often the custodial mom.

Hug that daughter closer tonight. Tell her how proud you are of her. For what it's worth, I'm sure she is very proud of you too.
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Old 11-05-2014, 02:15 PM
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If your oldest daughter has been living with you full-time for six months, this Is not going to change any time soon, and you are now supporting her through university, can you just stop paying child support for her? Just don't send your ex the money. If you want to cover your bases, put the money you would have spent on CS into an account for your daughter's expenses, but don't spend it out until the completion of your motion to vary.

If the other daughter is still living with her mother, keep paying the CS for her.

Is she in danger from the stepfather? What an awful situation for both girls - how fortunate they were able to come to you.
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Old 11-05-2014, 02:25 PM
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When my son was thrown out of my ex's apartment, I went to FRO and they had an administrative process, that was faster than a motion to change. You can try it. I filled in an FRO form, sent it in and they contacted her. It was 3 months, but I got back the money I had paid for his support. It is worth a shot.

The form is FRO-031E.

Last edited by DowntroddenDad; 11-05-2014 at 02:30 PM. Reason: addition
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Old 11-05-2014, 02:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
What a terrible thing for your daughter to go through. You must have been sorely tempted to do great bodily injury to the step-father.
I felt like a bad dad for not doing that. My current wife reminded me that I'd be useless to my family from a prison cell.
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Old 11-05-2014, 02:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
I'm moved to tears by your story. And I'm terribly sorry for your daughter.

I note that you said you have daughters and that it was the oldest who came forward with the molestation. What about your other daughters? They are still living there? I'm surprised that even with allegations not yet proven, that CAS would allow your other female daughters to continue to live there.

While it doesn't help you any - you are not alone. My husband was accused of some of the same things you were and worse. Its a tainted system where it pays to lie because there are little consequences for those that do...often the custodial mom.

Hug that daughter closer tonight. Tell her how proud you are of her. For what it's worth, I'm sure she is very proud of you too.
My other daughter spent 2 months with us. My ex did kick him out. After a CAS investigation they deemed it safe for her to return. It is after all her home, her friend all live nearby. We made it clear she is always welcome with us anytime.
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Old 11-05-2014, 02:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
When my son was thrown out of my ex's apartment, I went to FRO and they had an administrative process, that was faster than a motion to change. You can try it. I filled in an FRO form, sent it in and they contacted her. It was 3 months, but I got back the money I had paid for his support. It is worth a shot.

The form is FRO-031E.
Tried that. It's court ordered so they wont change until my ex signs off.
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Old 11-05-2014, 03:59 PM
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Quote:
I felt like a bad dad for not doing that. My current wife reminded me that I'd be useless to my family from a prison cell.
Nobody needs to know it was you....
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