Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > General Chat

General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #51 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 08:36 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,035
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ifonlyihadknown View Post
It sounds to me like having to choose between two bad options:
- Wife won't work, end the marriage.
- Wife won't work, put yourself more and more at financial risk with each passing day.

It's the legal aspects of marriage that make this a no win game and where some reform or rebalancing is needed.

As well, you seem to be implying that the wife who stays at home bears no responsibility for her actions. That's not right, but the present system provides an incentive to do less. The less you do, the larger share you get if the marriage breaks down. It doesn't seem right to me to put all the responsibility on the person who's choice it isn't, and absolving the person who could go out and work of responsibility.


You can't control another's actions. If you don't agree you are free to choose. If the wife chooses to stay home that's a choice she made... of her husband leaves her shortly after this she will have to return to work since she wouldn't be entitled to SS.

Many men also claim that their wives did nothing at home which we all know is not true. Sure there will always be one, yet when a marriage goes south all the sudden any stay and home wife becomes a lazy good for nothing person. Not many men come here and state that they appreciated the work their stay at home wives did, it's always about how she was a couch potatoe who watched soaps all day.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #52 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 08:47 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,896
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

My partner was the stay at home parent. They agreed that his ex's stable career was more important than his that would require moving. He did not agree they should stay close to her parents but that was a battle he lost and accepts the consequences for. He was eligible for ss. His ex is still pissed she had to pay him out an equalization as she feels he deserved nothing because he didnt work.

The reality of the system is that in just about every marriage, one person works and one person stays at home with the children. The system is meant to protect the ones who are relegated to being the stay at home parent.

You want to fix it? Take half the parental leave, encourage your spouse to upgrade and train, support your spouse through looking after the kids while he or she gets training or goes back to work, and make sure your relationship is equal footing.
Reply With Quote
  #53 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 09:19 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,035
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
My partner was the stay at home parent. They agreed that his ex's stable career was more important than his that would require moving. He did not agree they should stay close to her parents but that was a battle he lost and accepts the consequences for. He was eligible for ss. His ex is still pissed she had to pay him out an equalization as she feels he deserved nothing because he didnt work.

The reality of the system is that in just about every marriage, one person works and one person stays at home with the children. The system is meant to protect the ones who are relegated to being the stay at home parent.

You want to fix it? Take half the parental leave, encourage your spouse to upgrade and train, support your spouse through looking after the kids while he or she gets training or goes back to work, and make sure your relationship is equal footing.


Good example! I do realize some men stay home too and this is a great example. The truth is though not many men do stay home... it's not worth the money loss and thus the women stay home. I am due in the next few weeks and I never planned to take my whole mat leave... I have always planned to go back to work early... however my husband has no desire to take the rest of the leave because he will lose too much being on parental leave. So our decision is to utilize day care even though it will be expensive.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #54 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 09:33 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,896
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

I make more money than my partner and I attribute it to the fact that I didn't want to get married and have kids. I have 16 years of work experience that has elevated me to my position. He is bothered by my income and his "macho" attitude annoys me because he associates it with the emotional abuse his ex subjected him to. Sadly she fails to realize that her life was easier for 20 years because he did the cooking and cleaning and was there for the kids while she worked and built her career.
Reply With Quote
  #55 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 10:24 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 54
Newfie76 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
You do have the option...
Oh ok...yes men do have the option. You are correct. We also have the option to rob a bank, burn the house down, quit our job and say you work and I not, to travel the world on credit....or spend an eternity trying to explain a very simple concept. Everyone is free to do what ever they want....however there are consequences.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
You you are making excuses... not once did I say men didn't love their families but you cannot stay in a relationship and accept a wife not working and then at the end scream I didn't agree and shouldn't pay SS...
No I never said you said that. However, its not what you said but rather what your implying. To say a man can just leave his wife with no consequences is...well...just ignorant to the situation. Its the consequences that grabs a rational man, an ethical man from doing the insane. What are the consequences you ask? A 100% guaranteed broken family, children that will look at their father a lesser man for walking out on them and their mother, broken hearts on both sides, and a 100% guaranteed life time of CS/SS payments. Whereas in REALITY, the man looks at the question "What's the chances of the marriage failing? Things are great right now. I would prefer the wife worked. But I can not force her. I want the marriage to work. I love her, she loves me (I think) and we have two beautiful children. Ethically its the right thing to do.....". (There needs to be a course for unknowing men walking into this trap....MGTOW)

In short: Option 1) Keep mouth shut, Wife does what she wants as an "independent adult responsible for her own actions, marriage stays together, life moves on, we adjust to the situation "GIVEN" to the man. 50/50% chance marriage ends eventually...

Option 2) Tell the b_tch I'm out of here unless she works, fight occurs, she still does not work, because she is an independent adult responsible for her own actions, man walks out on family. Due to children and nonworking wife, man must pay CS/SS for life time. 100% failure.

HMMMMM? lol I don't know about you...but from above.. I would put my money on option 1....yes even today and what I have been put through. "Its cheaper to keep her". Backup many years...the best option is to ask on date # 1 , Are you a lazy B_tch?" Joking aside, there are methods to filter the sponge women at the start. Wish my father pulled me aside....but he probably didn't know...he married an amazing woman.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
if a man decides to stay in a relationship when he completely disagrees with his wife not working that is in his shoulders.
Actually, your correct. If an honest hard working loving man decides to stay in a relationship when he completely disagrees with his wife not working, it is on his shoulders. Your are correct!! Your correct because the government of Canada has stated a man must take full responsibility of the woman and her actions, fore the woman is not an independent responsible adult. Its the LAW! Yes you are correct. Ok the law does not say exactly that....but it implies it.

I was NOT disagreeing on what the law is, but rather how wrong it is. It equates to a form of modern day slavery. I'll let you look up the definition. Man goes to school gets education. Man works several years building his wealth. Man meets wife. Man/Wife have children. Women quits work at her discretion. Woman meets boyfriend(s). Marriage breaks up. Woman gets half of everything man worked for, including wealth before knowing woman. Man must pay no less than 50% of his future wealth to woman. Woman says she no longer needs to work. This is ethical how? When everyone is responsible for their OWN actions and not the actions of another.

Its a good thing my ex did not commit murder! I would be serving a life sentence. Because I am some how responsible for her actions.....some judge would have claimed I planned it all..... LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Had the man left as soon as the wife decides not to work, SS wouldn't be an issue.
LOL NOPE!!!!. I've started a divorce group at work....its expanded and now has 30 members....I know of 5 men who walked out on their wives. They ALL pay SS.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
All I am saying is men do have choices but it's much easier to cry that you didn't agree after supporting your wife for 10 years while she sat at home.
Like I said above. Yes you are correct. They do have choices. Problem is....they are NOT good choices. Thus, why I said, "Men don't have a choice". Get it? Knowing what I know today...I would have not changed a thing from the point she was not working. My kids got to see what a family really is. And they know who ended it ... Pay back is a B_TCH!! LOL
Reply With Quote
  #56 (permalink)  
Old 09-13-2017, 02:56 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 64
1ati2de is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Exactly... people need to be responsible for their own actions so if you consent to a spouse staying home and raising your children then you need to pay for said actions. If you decide to have children and return to work then you need to be responsible for your own actions and pay your own daycare, not expect the government to.
For starters it’s not my child, it’s “our” child. The government assisting with child care is to get all the misfits that can soak the system back to work instead of wasting tax payers money paying for courts, judges, and all the other operating costs associated with this is the way to go. Personally like to see it used to better society than on Family law and misfits it has to cater to. Family law especially in SS does nothing to better society whatsoever and should be terminated to change people’s views.

Quote:
Unfounded, unproven assumptions.
You don't get it. That's ok. You settled. You certainly do sound bitter though.

You should enlighten yourself if you want to continue this sort of discussion though. Read cases from CanLii for a start. You do not understand the basic law w.r.t. and difference and combination of SS and CS. In order to get a grasp of thing you should really read precedent cases upon which judges have based their decisions and how the current laws have evolved.

Read the part about how one person (not always female) gives up career to stay home and raise family. After you understand that part you might be able to grasp things a little better.
Trust me I’m good, I grasp things 100% and know the laws and completely understand SS for both female and male. The difference is with me my Ex flat out “refused” to go to work for over ten years with her kid and me pushing her to go back to work including supporting her for another 7. The family law states “I can sit home and do nothing and get paid”. This I have stated before is to cater to misfits and people that can soak the system well and have another human being pay for another. I think marriage insurance is the way to go!

In general SS is a joke and the one that makes the most money in the relationship has a noose around their neck from the incompetent family laws. Another question is why does marriage=slavery in society? One partner “works” for another, you need to “pay” me for raising your family? Why is it viewed that the onus is on the breadwinner to support the less fortunate? What is the BS associated with equality? Not sure but the last time I looked I actually do a thing called “work” to get where I got in life.

With this “logic” I guess we should keep paying money to our kids after they have left us, we supported them for 16 to ? years of age also. If a spouse thinks another spouse them because they sacrificed a carrier so I guess kids might be next??
Reply With Quote
  #57 (permalink)  
Old 09-13-2017, 06:44 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,327
Beachnana is on a distinguished road
Default

1ati2de: you would have fitted in well In The Victorian era. Workhouses and all that good stuff.

You are bitter I get it. But really who gets married and has children, makes family orientated decision while still planning on separating and screwing each other over.

Honestly the system is in place to try and fix the messes that this society has made of the constutue of marriage and family.

If children were all put into a big " home" until they could work and adults could just propagate and ship the results of to this big home the. Society would be able to cope with high percentages of failed families.

But this is the society we live in and we need to cope as best we can.

Rule of law is as a result of decision made in court by our peers.

Time will change how we view the marriage and family dynamics.

But you need to get our of the .victorian era. That's scary!

Last edited by Beachnana; 09-13-2017 at 07:18 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #58 (permalink)  
Old 09-13-2017, 06:57 PM
CoolGuy41's Avatar
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 19
CoolGuy41 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
You are bitter I get it. But really who gets married and has children, makes family orientated decision while still planning on separating and screwing each other over.
Thousands of women do. I don't think planning it before the altar is typical, but it's not uncommon for women to plan how they will drain their husband out of every dime they have in advance of separation.

Quote:
Rule of law is as a result of decision made in court by our peers.
The same can be said of North Korean or Stalinist rules of law.

Quote:
But you need to get our of the .victorian era. That's scary!
The Canadian courts need to get out of the slavery era. That's scary!
Reply With Quote
  #59 (permalink)  
Old 09-13-2017, 07:31 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,327
Beachnana is on a distinguished road
Default

Our democratic Rule Of Law is no where the same as the Korean and Russian dictators rule of law.

Law is made from the decisions of reputable learned judges who make decisions based on the laws our democratic government have put in place.

Not quite the same in Korea I'm pretty sure.

Systems take time to change. Back in the 40's men expected their wives to stay home. Not work or have anything they did not provide. The Second World War changed this and women became emancipated.

Now we have so many failed unions that the law will need to change and reflect the reality of today parents. I do not believe Law will change from spiteful vengeful court cases but from judges looking at parents who have been equal as equal in the eyes of the law and therefore should both be recognized as parents. However, there are some who have not been equal. Stay-at-home moms still exists. Careers are put on hold for one parent while they take parental leAve and increasingly both parents are taking some part of the parental leave.

According to the news today in 95% of households both parents work outside the home. I think they are referring to big cities where housing costs soften dictate the need for both parents to work.

Both parents working is more than likely the reality of the 20-35 age group parents.

So I expect things will change. But not for you my friend. You already screwed your life up.
Reply With Quote
  #60 (permalink)  
Old 09-13-2017, 09:14 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 396
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Newfie76 View Post
Oh ok...yes men do have the option. You are correct. We also have the option to rob a bank, burn the house down, quit our job and say you work and I not, to travel the world on credit....or spend an eternity trying to explain a very simple concept. Everyone is free to do what ever they want....however there are consequences.



No I never said you said that. However, its not what you said but rather what your implying. To say a man can just leave his wife with no consequences is...well...just ignorant to the situation. Its the consequences that grabs a rational man, an ethical man from doing the insane. What are the consequences you ask? A 100% guaranteed broken family, children that will look at their father a lesser man for walking out on them and their mother, broken hearts on both sides, and a 100% guaranteed life time of CS/SS payments. Whereas in REALITY, the man looks at the question "What's the chances of the marriage failing? Things are great right now. I would prefer the wife worked. But I can not force her. I want the marriage to work. I love her, she loves me (I think) and we have two beautiful children. Ethically its the right thing to do.....". (There needs to be a course for unknowing men walking into this trap....MGTOW)

In short: Option 1) Keep mouth shut, Wife does what she wants as an "independent adult responsible for her own actions, marriage stays together, life moves on, we adjust to the situation "GIVEN" to the man. 50/50% chance marriage ends eventually...

Option 2) Tell the b_tch I'm out of here unless she works, fight occurs, she still does not work, because she is an independent adult responsible for her own actions, man walks out on family. Due to children and nonworking wife, man must pay CS/SS for life time. 100% failure.

HMMMMM? lol I don't know about you...but from above.. I would put my money on option 1....yes even today and what I have been put through. "Its cheaper to keep her". Backup many years...the best option is to ask on date # 1 , Are you a lazy B_tch?" Joking aside, there are methods to filter the sponge women at the start. Wish my father pulled me aside....but he probably didn't know...he married an amazing woman.



Actually, your correct. If an honest hard working loving man decides to stay in a relationship when he completely disagrees with his wife not working, it is on his shoulders. Your are correct!! Your correct because the government of Canada has stated a man must take full responsibility of the woman and her actions, fore the woman is not an independent responsible adult. Its the LAW! Yes you are correct. Ok the law does not say exactly that....but it implies it.

I was NOT disagreeing on what the law is, but rather how wrong it is. It equates to a form of modern day slavery. I'll let you look up the definition. Man goes to school gets education. Man works several years building his wealth. Man meets wife. Man/Wife have children. Women quits work at her discretion. Woman meets boyfriend(s). Marriage breaks up. Woman gets half of everything man worked for, including wealth before knowing woman. Man must pay no less than 50% of his future wealth to woman. Woman says she no longer needs to work. This is ethical how? When everyone is responsible for their OWN actions and not the actions of another.

Its a good thing my ex did not commit murder! I would be serving a life sentence. Because I am some how responsible for her actions.....some judge would have claimed I planned it all..... LOL

LOL NOPE!!!!. I've started a divorce group at work....its expanded and now has 30 members....I know of 5 men who walked out on their wives. They ALL pay SS.



Like I said above. Yes you are correct. They do have choices. Problem is....they are NOT good choices. Thus, why I said, "Men don't have a choice". Get it? Knowing what I know today...I would have not changed a thing from the point she was not working. My kids got to see what a family really is. And they know who ended it ... Pay back is a B_TCH!! LOL


I'm interested to hear your take on things when you insert the MAN as the villain in your scenario ie. the one responsible for the marriage break up because, let's say instead, "man meets girlfriends". If the contract of marriage states that you will be faithful to each other but then one party cheats on the other, are they not responsible for the end of the marriage? So in that case does the man deserve all the horribleness coming his way after ie. possible years of spousal support or child support? So isn't he responsible for his own actions at least in this scenario? What about women who worked but are still entitled to spousal support in the scenario where the husband causes the marital breakdown because of his own actions. Your post isn't objective at all and is clearly tainted by your own experiences.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Section 7/extraordinary expenses when a spouse chooses not to work Serene Divorce & Family Law 4 06-09-2015 12:39 PM
Ex won't work and simply wants to live off me John_Ottawa Divorce & Family Law 57 01-05-2013 08:22 AM
Custody, Work, Travel, Court and Extortion minefield Divorce & Family Law 1 11-16-2012 09:24 AM
sick kids & time off work... mcr Parenting Issues 1 12-15-2008 01:48 PM
Kicked out - no money, no work permit, no help phaidros52 Financial Issues 8 12-07-2005 06:09 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:55 AM.