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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2017, 10:37 AM
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There are options:

pre-nuptial agreement
marriage agreement
separation agreement

Strange that we don't hear much about marriage agreements.
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2017, 10:44 AM
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I guess we only hear about agreements when they are thrown out by the court, not when they are upheld.

Given all that is involved with dissolving a marriage, they are far too easy to get into. If it was written up as a contract, it would probably be a very lengthy document and prevent many couples from marrying.

We'd also have a whole bunch of cases of Breach of Contract clogging up the courts! ("They didn't go back to work when they said they would!")
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2017, 12:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ifonlyihadknown View Post
If you are married to someone who decides not to work, or not to go back to work, the financially prudent thing to do is to end the marriage and cut your losses, ASAP.
Depends on the type of female you married. If she was normal and you loved her , then you did the right thing. If she was a b1sh (a gold digger) that used it as an opportunity to turn around and screw you over with SS exactly 3 years later, then you made the wrong decision.

Women have the upper hand in this country given the bias and gender discrimination of the Family Law system and Family Court Judges, and sometimes you just won't know if she loves you or not. It's sad to think you would divorce her if she didn't work, given what the children would go through. I guess this is just one of many of the traumas the Canadian family laws cause upon families and children. If there was no SS, then this wouldn't happen. If she didn't love him then she would end it right there and then, not stay at home for 3 years pretending to love him, then get SS and continue banging the new guy. A good female, would just be upfront with you and not set you up for SS, every other weekend access, and full guideline child support + daycare + hockey + horseback riding + tea and wholewheat toast costs every morning. She would kindly let you know her feelings, end it, and get her butt in gear and get a job and further support an equal relationship with your kids.

Be glad however if she didn't 0-60 to a local women's "shelter" and show up to court with her 37 support workers.

Last edited by trinton; 09-01-2017 at 12:22 PM.
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2017, 07:23 PM
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I am going to respond to the title of this post "the system needs work".
I agree 100%. Lawyers and/or the family justice system should start by being upfront with people. Instead of the standard line of "I can't tell you how much this litigation is going to cost"...they should be honest and tell you that the process involves multiple case conferences at $5000 per appearance, motions at $5000 per motion and then multiple TMC's at $5000 per pop. This does not include other work or emailing or correspondence your lawyer does inbetween. This can go on for upwards of seven years. You will also need to add in OCL or parenting assessors who also charge a minimum of $5000. Your litigation fees can easily run north of $200,000 prior to trial. Trial's can last 4-20 days at a cost of $5000 per day and a minimum of $15000 prep. Trials can then be appealed by a special appeals lawyer who charges 15000 minimum.

This detailed and frank conversation should be mandated by law whenever a family lawyer and new client meet.

This would be a good place to start to improve this destructive and soul crushing system. Just saying.
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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2017, 10:15 PM
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my bill from my lawyer today was for just shy of 4000$, for 1 month only. Ive spent about 8000$ so far, and only separated 6 months, and have no agreement in place, and preparing for court
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old 09-02-2017, 12:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denbigh View Post
my bill from my lawyer today was for just shy of 4000$, for 1 month only. Ive spent about 8000$ so far, and only separated 6 months, and have no agreement in place, and preparing for court
Consider yourself lucky that your lawyer gave you a bill for the past month. Many lawyers drag their feet in sending out statements and clients get a rude awakening.

Letter-writing and 4-way conferences are big time wasters IMO. Get yourself to court, in front of a Judge who has authority to make rulings... then you'll see something for your money. Unfortunately when family court involves children you have to go through the money-wasting process of case conferences (which are essentially 4-way meetings with a judge with no authority to make anything other than minor orders).

Cheapest way to survive is to settle. Make sure your lawyer is aggressive about this.

Good luck.
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 12:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
You cannot control another person but you can control you and what you do/consent to. If your spouse decides not to work and you don't agree you do not have to stay in the marriage. You have the option to leave. By deciding to stay you are consenting to the behaviour. It's like being a bystander... no one forced you to stay in an relationship with an unemployed ex... that was your decision and If that means you owe spousal support that's on your shoulders. You can't consent to supporting her and then all the sudden argue you didn't agree it was her decision.

Serious;y? Option to leave? No there is no option for men to leave a marriage. For at anytime during a marriage a man decides to leave....he loses half of everything he worked for and more. That is without even touching the ethical portion of the notion. I could never see myself walking away from my family, because my wife decided not work...I risk losing not just my wealth but my children as well. Why would you even consider that an option....you do realize you suggested that men walk away from their family...the same family that he loves...because the wife wont work. Really?

You see their is no option for men....we take it or the wife leaves us. Just as 2/3 of all divorces today.

Unless government changes the rules to be more ethically correct and support the "Charter of Rights" for men....there is no good reason for a man to marry a woman today...in this unethical environment.

MGTOW
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 01:17 AM
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Current Charter of Rights and Freedoms, section 15:


Under the heading of "Equality Rights" this section states:
“ 15. (1) Every individual is equal before and under the law and has the right to the equal protection and equal benefit of the law without discrimination and, in particular, without discrimination based on race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, sex, age or mental or physical disability. (2) Subsection (1) does not preclude any law, program or activity that has as its object the amelioration of conditions of disadvantaged individuals or groups including those that are disadvantaged because of race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, sex, age or mental or physical disability.


Subsection 2 is a weasel clause that effectively changes the meaning of section 15 to "government can do whatever the hell it wants".
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 08:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newfie76 View Post
Serious;y? Option to leave? No there is no option for men to leave a marriage. For at anytime during a marriage a man decides to leave....he loses half of everything he worked for and more. That is without even touching the ethical portion of the notion. I could never see myself walking away from my family, because my wife decided not work...I risk losing not just my wealth but my children as well. Why would you even consider that an option....you do realize you suggested that men walk away from their family...the same family that he loves...because the wife wont work. Really?



You see their is no option for men....we take it or the wife leaves us. Just as 2/3 of all divorces today.



Unless government changes the rules to be more ethically correct and support the "Charter of Rights" for men....there is no good reason for a man to marry a woman today...in this unethical environment.



MGTOW


You do have the option... you are making excuses... not once did I say men didn't love their families but you cannot stay in a relationship and accept a wife not working and then at the end scream I didn't agree and shouldn't pay SS... if a man decides to stay in a relationship when he completely disagrees with his wife not working that is in his shoulders. Had the man left as soon as the wife decides not to work, SS wouldn't be an issue. All I am saying is men do have choices but it's much easier to cry that you didn't agree after supporting your wife for 10 years while she sat at home.


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  #50 (permalink)  
Old 09-11-2017, 08:55 AM
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It sounds to me like having to choose between two bad options:
- Wife won't work, end the marriage.
- Wife won't work, put yourself more and more at financial risk with each passing day.

It's the legal aspects of marriage that make this a no win game and where some reform or rebalancing is needed.

As well, you seem to be implying that the wife who stays at home bears no responsibility for her actions. That's not right, but the present system provides an incentive to do less. The less you do, the larger share you get if the marriage breaks down. It doesn't seem right to me to put all the responsibility on the person who's choice it isn't, and absolving the person who could go out and work of responsibility.
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