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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 07-16-2010, 04:43 PM
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough

Well.... As much I have total sympathy for the woman in that situation, the law isn't built for using financial support and equalization to teach someone a lesson.

I think the man in that story is mentally ill. What if it were a different illness? What if it were Alzheimer's? And what if the woman couldn't cope with that illness?

The divorce process isn't about blaming and finding fault. That was taken out of the system for good reason. It is also not about (or shouldn't be about) getting back at someone or punishing them or teaching them a lesson. Ideally the divorce process should be about letting go. The courts and lawyers aren't therapists, but to the extent that they ask us to look at things dispassionately and settle and move on, they are doing us an emotion good.
  #32 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2010, 04:35 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Burlington
Posts: 171
CISTEAD is on a distinguished road

I had my first son at 18, married at 19 and had my second son at 21. I was a SAHM until approx. age 30, where I began to work part time, which in turn turned into fulltime about a year later. When my ex and I split up 6 years ago, I was 35 years old, made approx. 27,000 yr, had two boys ages 17 and 15. My ex took care of all finances, (not very well I might add). He made approx. 55,000 at the time.I didn't even have a credit card in my name. What did I do?
I got a personal loan for 4,000. Used it to pay first and last on a nice two bdrm apt. My ex and I did split custody...3 days on, 3 days off. I drove across town everyday I had them so that they would not require to change schools. I was BROKE.
So, I found another job within 3 months, half an hour away, in a higher paying city, took a risk on replacing a girl on maternity leave, so I could increase my income to 35,000. I at no point, ever, took SS, or CS....we split the equity in our home 50/50, after I agreed he should stay there for over a year so the boys would have some stability.
After about 2 years, he moved about 15 mins away, so the boys, wanting to be in the same high school all week, ended up staying with me more often then not, with the younger one, staying with me over 80% of the time.
I asked for 180.00, to help with food. Thats it. My ex was having hard times job wise, and I had no desire to hurt him financially.
I will admit, the thought did cross my mind, from time to time. But no way could I do it. I even lend him money sometimes, when he needs it. Turns out I am really good with money....
So, by rights, due to the length of my marriage, over 16 years , and the time I was a stay at home Mom, I could have gotten SS all day long. No thanks.I'm good.
I will admit my young age has alot to do with it, and that if in different circumstances, like Phoenix, I would have taken the SS.

Last edited by CISTEAD; 07-22-2010 at 04:37 PM. Reason: wrong terminology
  #33 (permalink)  
Old 07-22-2010, 06:33 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,474
dinkyface will become famous soon enough

Originally Posted by Mooview View Post
I was too busy razing my children
Oh dear, how unfortunate for them!!!!
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