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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 11-05-2008, 11:31 PM
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Well put phoenix
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 11-06-2008, 12:48 PM
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The problem with spousal is the same thing that's wrong with a lot of things in Family Law: for some it's totally justified and for some it's simply screwing the other person. For every woman like Phoenix who clearly did her part on a mutually agreed situation and deserves to be supported because of it, you have someone like my ex who refuses to work, didn't take care of the kids/home and drove me into bankruptcy and eviction with her financial mismanagement.

The law protects both the deserving and abusing equally.
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 11-25-2008, 02:15 AM
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Phoenix, I am in the same situation as you except m 31 years. We too agreed that I should stay home after I worked full time for 12 years to raise our kids. He became very successful, making 6 figures yet I was told he didn't want me to work even part time because it "screwed up his income tax". He blind-sided me at age 62 and left for a woman 22 years younger. They live in a 3/4 million dollar home and I am in a tiny Apt. So any men who bitch about paying SS.....remember there are two sides to every story.
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Old 03-29-2010, 12:39 AM
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I guess I'm not going to be very popular....in the middle of a very nasty "separation" only...can't wait for the divorce part......lol......He has the children 14 & 19, both girls. Before I left we did not speak for 2 and half years, only if necessary. We faught a lot !!! I fopund out in an email to his girlfriend that my daughters hate me and never want to see me again....I am 45 years old, I cooked, cleaned, "from the side walk back was mine" was my "joke", he worked and that was it. I was married 22 years. I DESERVE SS, and more !!! I'm currently paying him 425 a month for CS and I may 20,000 this year. He's paying 600 in SS and I lost my job in March....I don't know about any one elses economy, but I have sat with 400 to 1000 applicants at "interviews" and applied for jobs that are way beneath me but I don't care. I have an English B.A....whoopi and half an IT certificate but have never held a good paying job because I was too busy razing my children and protecting them from their fathers' escapades...of which I obviously did a good job.....

Now he wants the house and all contents and the children, although he won't have them for long.....I did ask my kids if they wanted to live with me and was told no because he had more money !!! That was a blow and a half....

So all in all, I would say that if SS were eliminated there would be a lot of women out there that wouldn't have a hope in hell of surviving.....my parents were divorced so I've already lived this and my mom had 4 kids for which she got 69 a month......we've come a long way baby !!!

Non-existent in this world
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 03-29-2010, 12:41 AM
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Nice spelling for an English major !!! lol....
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 03-29-2010, 12:58 AM
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I am living in a basement room, and lived in housing for a year which could have cost my friend her house.....I have no kitchen or access and it's freezing....I pay 540....can't afford or find any where else because I have nothing and I pay 80 a month to store my clothes in a storage unit.....
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2010, 10:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix View Post
I fought for and receive spousal support, and I have NO PROBLEM WITH THAT. It is the moral thing to do.

My ex and I chose TOGETHER that he would work outside the home while I stay home and raise OUR children. It was a mutual decision and I counted on his word when he made the verbal and written commitment "until death do us part" that he would stand by me, that we were a team.

So for 25 years, while his career moved forward during those citical young years of employment, he enjoyed coming home to a hot meal, enjoyed selecting his freshly laundered shirt each morning, played with his sweetly bathed children for some pleasant quality time each evening, put his feet up to watch Jeopardy in his tidy, enjoyable livingroom. Did I mind? No. I was honouring my side of our agreement, and I was counting on him to honour his side of our agreement.

Suddenly, just after our 25th anniversary, kids are mostly grown, his career booming, he phones me for a divorce.

There I was... haha... fully trained to wash dishes, iron clothes, and change diapers... my first job paid $11K per year. His paid $90K+. I have no problem getting out into the work force and earn a living. I found work immediately upon separating and have worked full-time ever since. But to expect me to instantly suddenly find a job that is even NEAR his income/career is ridiculous. My best years of employment are behind me. I am now past middle-aged. I have no secondary education. If I *do* go back to school I'm looking at being even OLDER when I graduate, and then I'm still at the bottom of the pile for hiring. I'm old and I have no experience. I am starting to experience the natural usual effects of age, such as arthritis in my hands, aching back and knees... and it ain't gonna get any better folks. The idea that I now have 25 years ahead of me to establish a career, enjoy excellent youthful health and be able to now save for my retirement is near impossible to achieve. 25 years in the work force will have me into my late 70's when most other people will already have been retired for 10 years. But some people on this board would have that be the case, since they don't think my ex (who backed out of his end of our contract) should have to offer the same kind of support I offered him in our younger years.

From what I can see, I supported him for 25 years and since he chose to break our agreement, he can now support me for that approximate length of time. Why should I live below the poverty level because he willingly chose to have (and enjoyed the luxury of) a live-in cook, cleaner and 24/7 nanny for 25 years?

In the business community when one party wants out of a contract early, there are always concessions made to allow for unmet present and future obligations when the contract is backed out of. The marriage contract is no different. He originally vowed "til death us do part" and signed his name on the line. He wanted out early... why on earth should he now enjoy a six figure income and I live in poverty?

I, for one, am extremely grateful that the courts have the good sense to see that spousal support is fair and necessary in some cases.
Clearly, phoenix has permanent career damage and deserves life time support from her former spouse. That is what SS is for. In some cases it is not warranted, in some it is for a limited time, and in others it is warranted permanently (ie, the couple must remain financially tied together forever - unfortunate but true and fair). It really should all be simple and business like to determine.
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 04-01-2010, 07:00 PM
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i agree with SS up to a point. My beef with it is that some woman/men do not want to better themselves when on SS. Maybe the way to go is to tie the SS into bettering themselves. Have the SS go for schooling or a course to make them more employable.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 05-01-2010, 12:23 PM
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pokeman has a little shameless behaviour in the past
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when i met my X she had a beater car and temp office job

i put my wife through college twice in our 12 years together, during the time we had 3 children. in the last 7 years together she beat on me attacking me while I slept, she had sex with another person, she beat my kids till they bleed from the mouth and put her foot on their throat till
they blacked out.

children's services documented the items above todo with children.
she has lived with another man for several years now, she received an inhertence of about $100,000, she recently bought a new home

the $ from the sale of our home together is tied up with lawyers - in 8 weeks
me and my children are homeless due to my drowning in the debt - 1/2 of which was left behind by my X, i have had no CS for 3 years

my lawyer now tells me I wont get any CS because its less than the SS
I need to pay her for last 3 years

canada 'family law' model has tools to get any outcome the lawyers
involved desire, you can lie without fear of perjury - who does that
benefit ?, they have closed court sessions I cant even attend, even
her lawyer has lied in open court when due to lack of funds i appeared
on my own.

i agree SS is when one spouse is disadvantaged due to the relationship,
in my case I believe those involved dont believe in men getting CS so
SS is being used to equalize and offset the payments ... so it to is
a tool in the wishy-washy do as you please 'family law' model
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 07-16-2010, 04:27 PM
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...sometimes "personal responsibility" is forced through having to pay spousal support.
Every relationship is different...every person has gone through something different...there is no cookie cutter answers to this thread. Just because someone is claiming spousal support that does not mean they are not being responsible for their own self.
If a person is narcissistic and they have an inability to feel or think about how their actions affect others, then perhaps they have to be forced into seeing it and being responsible for their actions. eg:
…a man is a sex addict, the women goes to counseling with him after his second, third, fourth, fifth infidelity. She backs him and supports him with going to sexaholics meetings and tries to help him get through it. All the while when the guy is SUPPOSE to go these private meetings on his own, he's meeting other women/men/transvestites/couples/groups/bisexuals/etc..., a couple of times a week. Now add to it clandestine sex in parks, cars, parking lots, trails, etc.... now put more icing on it and find out he has ads on craigs lists for no strings attached sex with other married people, and yet there’s more... the internet dating sites hold his many profiles looking for intimate encounters.....
(and the naive women sits at home and wonders what could be wrong with her that he never wants to touch her anymore)
And when she's finally had enough and is no longer willing to let her life be put in danger with being exposed to sexually transmitted diseases from high risk categories, she sets out to find the truth and collects massive evidence of his twisted secretive lifestyle. When the evidence is put in front of him, he acts like an @ss and refuses to put the house for sale. Refuses to pay out 50% for the house (and the women has worked and contributed the entire time). He demands she not go to their vacation property (which is in his name only) He won't even leave the bed they sleep in... he makes HER leave and she's done nothing but support this big baboon and believed in him!
So let me ask you this,,,, how is it fair this women has to pay thousands of dollars in lawyer’s fees just in order to get her fair share of things? Why does she have to pay for his choices? HE is the one that forced this separation and he is the one that is not being civil or fair and now she is the one having to spend thousands???
I think that because he is being the dink and refusing to sign any real estate papers etc... that perhaps she SHOULD GO FOR SPOUSAL just to get enough of a lump sum payout to cover the costs HE IS forcing her to take on.
Why should she have to pay for those things when he has done the damage AND he makes twice as much money as she does?
I think spousal in this sense can force personal responsibility for ones actions. If you don't have any feelings and don't feel any guild to do the right things... perhaps hitting ones pocket book will help them to step up and be responsible for ones choices and actions…..no?
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