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Old 09-21-2014, 10:56 AM
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Default Should I be concerned?

Not sure if I should be concerned or not.

The ex is not shy about introducing her bf's to our kids. New guy every month or so. They always end up leaving for one reason or another. Kids are fully aware that these dudes are moms new bf's. So now, she's got this young girl staying with her (19 yrs) my youngest told me that she's upset because she can't sleep with mommy anymore because this new "friend" sleeps with mommy.

This girl is telling my kids she loves them and misses them, it's been like 2 weeks.

This is messed up, she has no morals. I am all for equality... Not prejudice at all but I don't really feel 100% comfortable with this. If she decided she was gay all along, cool whatever but don't flip flop and why does she has to bring it all around our kids?
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Old 09-21-2014, 11:19 AM
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I wouldn't be too concerned, as long as you keep reinforcing the idea that YOU will not come and go in their lives and they can depend on your love.

If your ex is introducing new significant others to your children that soon and that frequently, of either gender, they'll get used to the idea that people come and go at their mom's house. You probably want to stress that their mom is just not good at being alone, but that she doesn't love these people she barely knows. Also, that this latest girlfriend doesn't love the children like she's saying - similarly, she just doesn't know them well enough to love them. She may like them and think they're awesome and want to get to know them, but as the children are learning, it's best not to get too attached to the people their mother brings home.

Although if the series of short-term boyfriends wasn't an issue for you until one of them was a girlfriend, I'd do some self-analysis of your insistence on not being prejudiced.
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Old 09-21-2014, 11:25 AM
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I get what your saying. Its always been something I've just shook my head at.
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Old 09-21-2014, 12:24 PM
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Having a lot of relationships in Quebec is not regarded positively. It would be a consideration in custody issues.
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Old 09-22-2014, 10:53 AM
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Loosing battle. I've attempted to bring it up once, saying I don't think it is good for the girls to see all these men coming in and out of the home, I'm told that I am jealous and obviously not over her and I cannot control her life etc etc....This is completely not the case, I've been in my new relationship for almost 2 years now. I feel sad for my children.

Would be almost impossible to prove in court to attempt to use it to change custody.
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Old 09-22-2014, 11:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itsworthit View Post
Loosing battle. I've attempted to bring it up once, saying I don't think it is good for the girls to see all these men coming in and out of the home, I'm told that I am jealous and obviously not over her and I cannot control her life etc etc....This is completely not the case, I've been in my new relationship for almost 2 years now. I feel sad for my children.

Would be almost impossible to prove in court to attempt to use it to change custody.
It is a consideration, that's all. By itself it proves nothing. If she was moving a lot in with various guys then by itself might be something because it meant she was uprooting the kids many times.

If you wanted to prove its such a big problem, get a psychologist to say so.

Personally, I don't want my daughter's role model being her mom who has tonnes of sexual partners (and my son for that matter) but I think that is considered a lifestyle choice in today's jurisprudence or something....

Look at this way if your daughters grow up screwed up the government....
ultimately pays the same way after years of awarding sole custody and all the children it destroyed they changed their tune and allowed fathers to stay in the lives of children.

One day they'll actually look into the behaviour of parents and not leave kids with crappy parents. I'm sorry for your case.
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Old 09-22-2014, 12:59 PM
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Quote:
The ex is not shy about introducing her bf's to our kids. New guy every month or so. They always end up leaving for one reason or another. Kids are fully aware that these dudes are moms new bf's. So now, she's got this young girl staying with her (19 yrs) my youngest told me that she's upset because she can't sleep with mommy anymore because this new "friend" sleeps with mommy.

This girl is telling my kids she loves them and misses them, it's been like 2 weeks.
How are you aware of all of this?

Bottom line, there's nothing you can really do about this unless the children are in danger. Judges hear this crap day in, day out and its highly unlikely that its going to affect any custody decision. At this point, your ex's lifestyle choices are hers to make. You need to concentrate on being the best parent you can be.

By the way, my ex told every judge that would listen to him and a custody evaluator about all the supposed guys going in and out of my house and my highly sexually extravagant lifestyle. I never even had to bother to defend myself. Every time he even started down that road, he'd get admonished by the judge. They'd tell him to mind his own business and move on with his life. The custody evaluator flat out told me that he indicated to my ex that he felt he was being deceptive to gain a custody advantage. So be careful about opening this can of worms unless you really have some firm evidence that you're children are in danger....its not favorably looked upon in court.

I'd definitely keep open lines of communication with your kids without delving into interrogating them about what's going on at their mom's house. You want to make sure that they can come to you if there is a problem.

The reality is that most of what you're hearing is none of your business.
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Old 09-22-2014, 05:32 PM
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Don't make too big a deal about it with your kids. So Mom has a new girlfriend? Uh-huh, is she nice? Okay, that's good. Now on to the next topic. The more casual you are about it, the less the kids are to think this is a big deal (and the more likely they are to be open with you about what's going on at Mom's). They're not old enough right now to have a talk about morals and adult relationships. They'll get to a point where they can draw the distinction between your lifestyle (one serious partner) and Mom's (lots of non-serious partners). Whether the partners are male or female really doesn't matter.
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Old 09-23-2014, 08:23 AM
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Its more about what Links referred to...the positive role model idea.

I agree its none of my business, D9 is very close and open with my partner and offers all of this information at the oddest of times...when shes doing her hair or driving in the car. We always make nice to the kids and don't push.

I know better than to bring it up in court, I don't care what she does I just wish she would have a bit more respect for our children.

I worry about their future but take comfort in the fact that I have them 50% of the time and some of my morals and values will be instilled as well.
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Old 09-23-2014, 12:11 PM
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Quote:
Its more about what Links referred to...the positive role model idea.

I agree its none of my business, D9 is very close and open with my partner and offers all of this information at the oddest of times...when shes doing her hair or driving in the car. We always make nice to the kids and don't push.

I know better than to bring it up in court, I don't care what she does I just wish she would have a bit more respect for our children.

I worry about their future but take comfort in the fact that I have them 50% of the time and some of my morals and values will be instilled as well.
I agree with what you've posted.

Its probably going to be imperative that you keep open lines of communication with your kids without crossing the line into interrogation because if your ex really does have poor judgment, the kids will need to feel comfortable coming to you if there's a bad situation with someone their mom might bring home.

I'd have a conversation with them about appropriate and inappropriate conversation and behaviors with adults. I'd also supply them with emergency contact methods. If they have tablets or cell phones, you might want to check into the aspire app.
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