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Helpless 05-23-2017 08:32 AM

Shit hits the fan, S7, pays price...venting
 
Warning, this is a venting post but your wise words are always welcomed!

Good morning to you. Some may recognize me from earlier postings or inquiries. Well shit hit the fan yesterday....AGAIN.

What happened...

As per my Court Order (Aug 2016), ex was supposed to have extended access until today 9am, drop off at school.

At 4pm last night, he showed up with S7 to drop him off. I came out of the house, greeting both, but asked ex what he was doing? I asked him if he had taken into account that he has extended access on PD days, therefor an extra overnight with S7, he replied that he didn't know. And asked S7 to get back into his truck. S7 wasn't happy about it, told ex that he wanted to stay with mom. Ex replied "that's fucking sad bud, whatever." I told both S7 and ex that S7 could have dinner with us and I could drive him back to his place around 7pm, but S7 refused and continued on into the house happily. Ex drove off only to return a few minutes later, honking and screaming. At that point, my spouse, myself and S7 were in the home. I came out of the house and asked him what he wanted. He replied that he changed his mind, wanted S7 back and to go get him. Ex seemed irritated, I told him he wasn't being too nice about him offering S7 the choice and now changing his mind. Ex continue screaming at me, stating that I was a shitty parent for not calling, informing him of the access change. I replied that it was all in the CO, he just needed to read it.

As a side note, we're court ordered to use OFW but he refuses to do so since January 2017, I continue to inform him on everything using that platform but to no avail. I've had police formally warn him that I no longer want to receive any communications other than on the OFW platform but this too has proven unsuccessful.

Back to yesterday. As ex continued to scream, my spouse and S7 came out of the house. My spouse asked him what the issue was and ex didn't calm down, now telling S7 to get his stuff and get in the truck. I asked my spouse to get a copy of the CO as I was preparing it for ex to see the clause that speaks of the summer vacation and because of strained communications, would of sent it in S7's school bag. My spouse came out with the papers, and went to his window to speak with him, asking him to read the CO where ex old him that we should be informing him of every change in access. I calmed S7 down who was now stressed out because his dad kept repeating that I was a shitty mother, I should just call him to inform him, he didn't sign the CO and just doesn't give a shit. I hugged my son,who was shaken, helped him tie up, tears in my eyes due to the mess he was witnessing and they left.

Now here I was, depleted again. I went into the house with my spouse and discussed the events. It just never ends. I was trying to be nice, non
confrontational and informative. We've had this CO for 9 months, stamped, sealed, delivered...What the heck is his issue?

The none compliance is continuous..
-Ex doesn't follow doctor recommendations, doesn't administer meds in his home (son has ADHD).
-Continues to use SMS even after being formally warned by OPP.
-Doesn't follow access order.
-Doesn't pay CS, he's in arrears of 15000. (FRO is "handling" this.)
-Refuses to pay any section 7 expenses, not medical, dental, hockey...
-His gf has verbally attacked me, unprovoked, during one of S7's hockey games.
-Suspicions of ex doing harder drugs that cannabis due to the crevasses in his face, his irate demeanor and bizarre "movements".
-Airing many personal, private, medical issues about my S7 and I on social media on an ongoing basis.
-The list goes on.


Evidently, I emailed my lawyer about these events. She is looking into an ex parte motion. But it's again going to cost me and what's the point really? To get another piece of paper that won't be followed....

I just don't know what type of strategy to use to minimize the effects on my S7 and myself for that matter.

Stillbreathing 05-24-2017 02:26 AM

In the future you may not wish to be "informative". Your ex is a grown man. If he chooses not to read the court order and realize he has extended access ,

lulubuttons 05-24-2017 02:59 PM

I'm not in the same situation but I can appreciate how you feel.

We are about to start a trial that is going to be more of the same....a piece of paper the other won't follow and us out thousands of dollars all while the child in question gets to listen to how terrible we are while we take the high road.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but vent on!

Stillbreathing 05-24-2017 04:13 PM

With a high conflict ex like yours you
may want to reframe from communicating with him at all except for OFW. If he doesn't read the court order and therefor misses his extended access. To bad. So sad. Not your problem. Don't remind him. Don't say anything. Communicate only via OFW. Don't be near him during drop offs or pick ups. Send your new partner who can redirect any questions he has back to OFW.
Your intentions are good but with a high conflict ex you must keep in mind that the road to hell is paved with good intentions!
Stop trying to help him. He's on his own. Not your problem. You do what your court order requires but no more.

If he refuses to use OFW. Not your problem. You must illiminate all other forms of communication with him other than OFW.

As far as the drug use goes. Don't even go there unless you have proof. Unfortunately the way family court works is that you must have evidence of current unsafe conditions like drug use or you must wait until a tragic incident happens. Without either of these two criteria the judge will dismiss you and probably label you an alienator as well.

...and remember. Continue communicating via OFW and don't make his problems yours.

Good luck


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