self rep in court

[tmac]

any advice for me?

going tomorrow to court.

ex was very mental abusive restraining order so haven't seen him in 3 years, kinda freakin out and nervous.

[dinkyface]

Expect him to be aggressive in court ... but know that if he shows abusive behaviour he is not going to get any points from the judge. As much as you can, try to highlight/demonstrate clearly the contrast in your behaviours i.e. you calm and child-focused, him - angry and abusive.

[tmac]

thank you. it was a 20 year marriage and last 10 just kept getting worse. I still have a hard time with confidence. but going to court I need to can you say get it together. I know what needs to be said in court and can focus on the Judge not him. just worried about his reaction while out of the court room. I have talked to the court house security and depending on what happens they can make sure I am safe.

any advice anyone has for me please please post, every bit of advice helps

[blinkandimgone]

I can tell you, from experience, refusing to show ANY reaction to his behaviour will be your best defense. Freak out inside, show nothing outside. It'll drive him absolutely crazy that he doesn't have the power/control over you anymore and yes, the less you acknowledge his behaviour the more it will likely escalate which will likely be very un-nerving but will most certainly help the judge see the situation.

Don't look at him, don't make eye contact with either him or his lawyer. If they address you directly be super polite and civil, but don't engage in any conversation. Pretty much ignore him and focus on the judge. Before you know it, it'll all be done.

[tmac]

I can thank you enough for the reply. I don't really have anyone left in my life beside family this is all 8 hours away. he had enough control that all our joint friends caved into his control. the wives were intimidated into his control of giving them hastle when he knew I had been talking to them. one friend got an evil voice mail from him to not to talk to me. it became a problem for the spouses not getting along because of the guys were still friends of his, so so sad. joint friends of ours that were 10-15 years in friendship

[fireweb13]

Remember unless it is a conference you are having a discussion with the judge, not your ex or his lawyer. At a conference you can try and talk with the lawyer but when they get frustrated and raise their voices because you are calm and collected then direct yourself to the judge and start negotiating with them instead. The judge should see that you are relaxed, calm and have a level head in a stressful situation, and if that is how your ex will act in a stressful situation then it makes him look worse.

[tmac]

thanks for the confidence boost everyone. he is 6'3 240 pounds I am 5'5 125 pounds he is just big and mean lol. but I am mentally going to be ready for this

thanks again foe the feedback

[WorkingDAD]

Originally Posted by tmac

thanks for the confidence boost everyone. he is 6'3 240 pounds I am 5'5 125 pounds he is just big and mean lol. but I am mentally going to be ready for this

thanks again foe the feedback

just remember unless you are going to cross examine your ex you are talking to the Judge all the time - not to your ex or his lawyer ... You do not even have to look at them (even when it very tempting sometimes to see that completely lost face ) ...

[tmac]

thanks I've got butterflies already and I have 24 hours to wait

[WorkingDAD]

Originally Posted by tmac

thanks I've got butterflies already and I have 24 hours to wait

sound like you are still in love