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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2014, 11:31 PM
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The 1800 junk guys were awesome. Ex did not show up to help or split the cost but whatever. It went real smooth. I was up at 5 am organizing and a freind was over at 8 but all was done by 10.

Next step try to get house listed. Agent finally tracked down ex who promptly told her she was too busy to see her until Wednesday. This is a woman who does not work or have any responsibilities. I hate to sound mean but she is delaying the sale since she is suspicious of me for some reason. She is probably running to her lawyer again. I have made appointment to see mine to find out my options so I can get this present situation moving. Realistically by the time I get carpet installed it will be at least 10 days before it is listed which puts me behind the 8 ball with time of year and date of condo closing. It is what it is. FTW. Did I actually just say that?
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2014, 06:34 AM
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I thought you wanted 6 weeks before moving forward? Now you are wanting your ex to get moving on listing the house?
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2014, 06:52 AM
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I certainly can see your confusion. I am wanting 6 weeks before talking about my future. 6 weeks to decide what I want to do with my life. I think I mentioned somewhere it is difficult to decide what I want with the rest of my life since my financial future is unclear. If I can clean up some of the financial stuff It will allow me to decide what is best for me long term. Yes, I am trying to have my cake and eat it too.

Last edited by Craigerst; 11-02-2014 at 06:53 AM. Reason: Spelling
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2014, 11:45 AM
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Pretty sure your ex doesn't care about your future. You can't have it both ways. You can't tell her, don't ask me for anything for 6 weeks and then turn around and expect her to list the house right away. Why not just do things right? Evaluate everything, pay her whatever equalization there may be (if anything) but stop playing games, because as an outsider looking in, that seems to be exactly what you are doing.

It's none of her business what your future is like or what you decide to do with your life. And I am sure she couldn't care less. You can't stall forever.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 11-02-2014, 12:10 PM
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I hear you and I appreciate what you are saying. The situation so far as I see it and as I think my wife sees it is what I decide to do with my life definitely effects the future. I have made a appointment with my lawyer for clarification on moving forward with the house issue and I expect to seek further clarification on this issue as well but this is the exact issue I was hoping for more time on. Everything is not black and white. I appreciate your feedback.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2014, 08:26 PM
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Every day seems to bring a little progress. It definitely is a 2 steps forward 1 step back deal. I continue to survive by one step at a time. I truly wish it was as simple as evaluate and pay her. In a perfect world things would go like that. If all assets were cash it would be simple. If corporations were cut and dry evaluations with consideration of ownership staying or leaving it would be simple. If under construction investment properties with expensive assignment charges to sell and possible cannot even sell unless occupied for a year clauses it would be simple. If one property did not have significant sentimental value to both it would be simple. Need I continue ..... I am not attempting to delay anything. You must view the situation from all angles and attempt to maximize the value of the assets- or minimize the loss at liquidation- and satisfy both parties.

This separation gig is a complicated business. On top of all of that you throw in cash flow issues caused by one spouse which could possibly effect one investment and even go as far as the viability of the biggest asset. I say again. It is not black and white or cut and dry. This is what I am learning in the short time I became a reluctant player in this job.
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Old 11-04-2014, 07:30 PM
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Wow. Today was a downer. My attempt to treat it like a business and make a good business decision (from my perspective) failed. It looks like it is coming down to lawyer communicating with lawyer at every step. Maybe I should of known this from beginning. Will I be so lucky that lawyer to lawyer communication works better than let's resolve some issues without those guys? Who knows. If I am a optimist I guess it cannot get any worse. When I try to sit in exs shoes then maybe there was no other way since there is such a deep sense of mistrust.

I guess I am handing off the whole problem to God for tonight since the business of separation has become too complicated. I knew that inevitably all the correct documentation and disclosures had to be done. The idea of cleaning up some of the obvious (from my perspective) before that step did not work. The time frame that was needed I think from a financial point of view is now lost.

I am pretty much resolved to near financial ruin. I hope to hang on to my most emotional asset. The rest including the income earner may be lost. It really is a situation that is very complicated with too many variables to call. I do know my lawyer costs are about to skyrocket.

Just a general vent to try and relax through my fingers. I do not suppose I even asked a question. As always the fingers clicking the keyboard somehow let me hand off my problems into a space that is neutral.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2014, 07:50 PM
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I think you will lose the cottage. I also think you should talk to your family doctor, and discuss anxiety and/or depression medication. I'm in no way making light of your random thoughts, btw = I sincerely think you need help.

In no world is your ex not receiving support. The longer you continue to think you can downsize to a cottage and live on wienies, not pay support while downsizing, the more serious your financial obligations grow. For every self-interested concern you have had, your forever non-employed ex has justifiable triplicate concerns. She could probably use some anxiety medication as well.

I also don't think you are in financial ruin -change your future plans, re-focus. Every problem has a solution. Let's find it.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2014, 08:01 PM
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If I where in your position, I would make an official offer to settle to the ex wife. This offer would include some reasonable spousal support, equitable division of assets and agreements as to the sale of your various property.

This offer will probably be refused by the opposing party, but at least it will get the dialogue going.

If I'm not mistaken, your anxiety is caused by feeling trapped and unable to go forward. Make an offer to settle which includes what you really care about (your cottage) give and take some issues and this may just work for both of you.

Letting the lawyers decide everything could very well lead to your ruin, and it will take years to sort through - you'll feel better once you have a clear idea of your numbers.
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 11-05-2014, 06:51 PM
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I appreciate the feedback as always.

Last edited by Craigerst; 11-05-2014 at 06:59 PM. Reason: Too long.
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