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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 07:50 PM
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Wow. I read back to some old threads and some of you guys are brutal! Lol. I suppose a reality check is do for all of us. I took some kicks probably deserved them. I found those kicks very harsh and unsettling but a good reality check. A good get back to earth your dreaming kick in the arse. I just stumbled across a thread where I honestly found some of the critics presented awfully harsh. It is easy to say they needed it. Some here including me are emotionally a bit fragile and maybe better off with a gentle kick. That is all I am trying to vent.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2014, 10:24 AM
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Present situation is difficult. Trying to move forward and get matrimonial house sold at a difficult time to sell if it does not happen now. You can pretty much eliminate December. I hope to move to new place Feb but do not want to be in a position of owning 2 properties (actually 3) in February when cash flow is tight. I need my ex to cooperate in selling matrimonial home. She is seemingly content to remain camped out in apartment oblivious to financial pressure I am under since she got a bunch of cash when she skiddadled. I will make it through this.

Nothing I say seems to convince her we need to move forward. Do not want to get lawyer involved but might have to. Looks like I might be picking up all the moving expenses since she is refusing to pay anything. Cannot figure out how she blew 50 k or so in a weeks. 6 maybe 8 weeks? Wtf. First and last months rent fine. She has my company car. I paid for her insurance. She danced on the credit cards for food and gas. She must just be worried that it will be a while before we work out SS and trying to save. That is the only thing I can figure. That or she is crazy and I do not think that. I wish she had more financial sense or I got her more involved in our finances and perhaps she could work through this easier. She is a good woman without unfortunately real world money understanding. Kind of like I must have money I still have cheques.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2014, 11:25 AM
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Can you take cancel your auto-insurance policy (and notify her that it is up to her to arrange)? I assume you are both on there as drivers, but you are no longer driving it.... what I don't know is whether she CAN get a policy if she is not the registered owner. That frees up $100/month for you.

If you can't get the house sold in near future, perhaps you can take on a boarder to help with expenses? Or even if you have a friend you can camp out with (timeframe: 1 year) and rent the house outright.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2014, 12:26 PM
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Psychologically, if you aren't prepared to lose 3/4 of your current assets and 50% of your wealth assets going forward you just aren't ready .
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2014, 08:37 PM
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Links17, unfortunately I find you SO pessimistic in most of your posts (not all). What gives? what's your story? If I'm not mistaken, you could be perceived as a troll on this board (and I had to look up that term). I feel an anger from you that is SO biased and one-sided. No offence meant. Just my perspective.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2014, 09:12 PM
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Justin I just so could not agree with you more. I appreciate the bluntness of links17 but frankly some of the things he says are bizarre I also do not mean to offend. I am considering many things but car insurance is linked to the company and and I just do not want to step in that mess now. I may have misspoke in my original post there are 2 company cars and she has the second one not mine.

I am presently thinking very short term and one day at a time. Tommorrow is the 1 800 got junk guys day. After so many years of marriage it is amazing what you never threw out and should of. Ex has what she wants. She is all over the map presently one minute she will be here to help and split cost next minute no. We will see if she shows up but I am prepared for it if she does not.

The reality of it is she need to settle down. I suggested she talk to a savvy financial cousin of hers we both respect who can explain that what I am attempting to do is not unreasonable. It is what it is and we will see what happens.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2014, 10:15 PM
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xxx

Sorry, double post somehow.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2014, 10:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Craigerst View Post
Present situation is difficult. Trying to move forward and get matrimonial house sold at a difficult time to sell if it does not happen now. You can pretty much eliminate December. I hope to move to new place Feb but do not want to be in a position of owning 2 properties (actually 3) in February when cash flow is tight. I need my ex to cooperate in selling matrimonial home. She is seemingly content to remain camped out in apartment oblivious to financial pressure I am under since she got a bunch of cash when she skiddadled. I will make it through this.

Nothing I say seems to convince her we need to move forward. Do not want to get lawyer involved but might have to. Looks like I might be picking up all the moving expenses since she is refusing to pay anything. Cannot figure out how she blew 50 k or so in a weeks. 6 maybe 8 weeks? Wtf. First and last months rent fine. She has my company car. I paid for her insurance. She danced on the credit cards for food and gas. She must just be worried that it will be a while before we work out SS and trying to save. That is the only thing I can figure. That or she is crazy and I do not think that. I wish she had more financial sense or I got her more involved in our finances and perhaps she could work through this easier. She is a good woman without unfortunately real world money understanding. Kind of like I must have money I still have cheques.
Glad to read you are not making your ex out to be a monster (seems quite common on this board). More could be done this way on this board but, hey, who am I to say. So glad to read that not all exes are monsters. Can I make that clear? Kudos to you!

So she's scared about "stuff"... You seem like a good person. Try and figure out what it is to comfort her so that your situation doesn't get tangled up in court. The difficult part is learning about her FEARS (financial, emotional, etc); along with yours. Something seems to primary scare her though by reading your posts. She doesn't need to be a monster because she's scared (albeit she could be a monster without any semblance of fear!).

If you want to be reasonable and still respect her as a person / parent through this, it's on your onus to figure that out so that you can end this influx amicably. Trust me, been through this TWICE. You don't want to go there. Someone in some other post suggested figuring out "the golden apples" -- that is what you must do to make her feel secure and you as well.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2014, 10:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Craigerst View Post
Justin I just so could not agree with you more. I appreciate the bluntness of links17 but frankly some of the things he says are bizarre I also do not mean to offend. I am considering many things but car insurance is linked to the company and and I just do not want to step in that mess now. I may have misspoke in my original post there are 2 company cars and she has the second one not mine.

I am presently thinking very short term and one day at a time. Tommorrow is the 1 800 got junk guys day. After so many years of marriage it is amazing what you never threw out and should of. Ex has what she wants. She is all over the map presently one minute she will be here to help and split cost next minute no. We will see if she shows up but I am prepared for it if she does not.

The reality of it is she need to settle down. I suggested she talk to a savvy financial cousin of hers we both respect who can explain that what I am attempting to do is not unreasonable. It is what it is and we will see what happens.
as a man with a default artist connected to emotion (gasp!) I do applaud you. It seems like you are truly trying to figure out the best way forward with your ex. Something strikes me as your ex is SCARED -- this could be financial, emotional, etc. I cannot implore enough that you need to figure out that "golden apple" so that you two can move on peacefully. If you don't your case can easily end up as HC (high conflict) because neither of you have taken the time to figure out what scares each of you the most for survival. Keep doing what you're doing. Find those golden apples and SETTLE before both of you are financially ruined with legal costs. Again, you seem like a good person. Keep it up but there's work ahead of you.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-01-2014, 07:17 AM
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I think my wife is suspicious. She is worried I am simply going to retire and not provide her a lifestyle she has become used to. I can live very simply and be content. Recently a very new "flavour" has entered the picture which is actually devastating to me but does change the reality of the situation. My best friend, mentor, and truly the smartest kindest biggest gentleman I know my aged father has taken ill. My father has done very well in life and this of course introduces a whole new thread to the financial aspect of the sitation.

It is sad and devastating for me to even think this way but it is my reality. This is my fluent and rapidly changing situation. I cannot keep up with how many curves and road blocks I am having as of late. I will say this. I am oh so fortunate my children are adults and my ex and I have no custody issues. My heart goes out to each and every person who has to deal with those sort of problems.

I must of course put this out of mind and wish for nothing but good health and many more years for my hero. I will continue my struggle as if he is 100% healthy and overcomes his recent roadblock which I hope with all my heart he does.
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