Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > General Chat

General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 11:46 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 136
Craigerst is on a distinguished road
Default It says for general Venting!

Not sure where to start other than I know I will feel a little better after this vent. Life is such turmoil now. I need to often remind myself that I have no custody issues and I am not battling cancer. I also need to remind myself that I need to "get down to business" at some point. Perhaps I made some inroads today with organizing slightly all the files I have in preparation for what will eventually be the next step in this Fubar sitation. As each day goes by and I read and learn I realize I have 2 businesses to run. My own business and my new business of separation and eventual divorce. I am hoping for a "time out" from this whole mess for 2 weeks and perhaps I am getting it. I advised my ex my lawyer would be responding to her latest lawyer letter this week but never actually instructed my lawyer to respond. I just do not see the benefit of rushing anything right now. I expect both lawyers are anxious to churn up fees but I hope to avoid some of this. If we can get to the point where my ex and I can actually sit down and hammer out something together without lawyer involvement it might be better. Unfortunately anything we hammer out I expect she dances past her lawyer who will possibly frown upon it and nothing was accomplished. I have many "life" decisions to make and keep changing my mind as to what I want to do at this stage of my life. In fairness to me it is difficult to make these decisions unless I get some sort of a idea on how I will end up financially. There are days I just want to throw in the towel and go what I think would be the "lawyer" way and do the financial disclosure thing and appraise business value thing and sort out the shares of business thing but it seems to me I (and as a result my ex) are throwing money away liquidating things all of a sudden without at least considering the idea of let's go slow and see if we can work something out so there is no rush to cash in and financially cripple me (and in turn her) with what could be devastating results. Just too many unanswered questions at this point. Perhaps if it had not got so ugly from the git go (I will take some of the blame for that) we could work things out better for both of us financially. I am thinking if I could just slow down the whole process then perhaps this is possible. High emotions from both of us could calm down. I suppose my asking for 2 weeks for a "calming period" might help but I remain suspicious that if her lawyer does not here from my lawyer this week she will push the situation. Not sure how she can since they do not even know my lawyers name but I suppose a agressive lawyer will find a way. So I remain in my "suspended" state with way more questions than answers. I keep saying to myself that I will look back on this as just another life experience but it is hard to imagine now. If anyone has any advice or would comment on this mess I am happy to listen. I remain completely new to this whole gig but I learn a little bit more each day.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 11:54 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,702
DowntroddenDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Two suggestions:

1) Write in Paragraphs

2)Make an offer to settle. That will get a discussion started. Figure out what you want and what you will accept. Offer what you want, and be prepared to negotiate to what you can accept.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 12:10 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 136
Craigerst is on a distinguished road
Default

I will try to write in paragraphs. Good suggestion. Your advice seems solid but I need to figure out what I want! Actually what I want for now is a longer calming down period and perhaps I will get it. Next week will tell. I am having problems focussing on long term right now. I do realize I will have to confront it eventually. I feel like I am waiting for the other ball to drop! Short term I definitely want more time to sort myself out. I have large financial and life decisions to make and do not want to rush them. I see no advantage to rushing them. I just do not know if ex will agree to this "give me some time" attitude or if they can in fact force me into a corner. Time will tell.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 12:21 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,475
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default

Unfortunately a calming period - while you are not paying interim support - is going to be interpreted as 'starving her out'.

Are there any hints from other side that liquidating the business is their target? I cannot see any reason why that would be required.

You want to keep the business. That limits the number of other options available to you, as you will have to give her something of equal value to balance it out.

She currently does not have the use of your (joint) house, and I'm guessing she is not interested in living there, which means it will have to be sold so that value can go to her. If she was still living there, your options would be more open. Any way you can entice her into taking it back?

Last edited by dinkyface; 10-24-2014 at 12:25 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 04:27 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 136
Craigerst is on a distinguished road
Default

I have thought of that but I am pretty sure she is in to a one year lease on her apartment. The solution to the starving her out has not raised it's ugly head YET since she managed to grab a substantial amount of cash through loc and credit cards (the credit cards just recently discovered )

I am unsure of the goals of the other parties but I am somewhat confident she does not want to kill the cow that feeds us. I remain on the balancing beam wondering where I fall. I still believe a calming down period where cooler heads and reasonable discussion is the future but I no longer can predict where it is going. It might just be past reasonable discussion. I sincerely hope my present actions or lack of are not indicating this to her.

One reasonable action may be to get rid of the home. I will struggle to find a place to live but can surely survive through family, freinds and the office couch. This may remedy some of the short term issues but this is not the time of year to sell a house unless we do it now.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 05:23 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,241
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

Just take things one at a time. Start with getting your financial disclosure and business evaluation done. I am pretty sure you cannot really get around that so the sooner its done the better. That way you can decide your next step.

I know you want to wait but telling her that your lawyer will respond this week to her lawyer but not telling your lawyer that is playing games. Has your lawyer sent hers a letter stating that s/he is your legal representation? You cannot bury your head in the sand with this. Its not going to go away and you may be seen as delaying and unwilling to settle this.

Just remember, one step at a time.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 06:09 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,838
stripes is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Craigerst View Post
I have large financial and life decisions to make and do not want to rush them. I see no advantage to rushing them. I just do not know if ex will agree to this "give me some time" attitude or if they can in fact force me into a corner. Time will tell.

My ex was a bit like this ^^^ "I have to think about big decisions, don't rush me". From my perspective, he was stalling and delaying. From his perspective, I was trying to move things along too fast.

You may not have the luxury of taking all the time you want right now. Make the best decisions you can based on the information available to you at the time.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 07:24 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 136
Craigerst is on a distinguished road
Default

I would like to think that not telling my lawyer was a strategy not a game. At any rate after a 1 hour marathon texting session it appears my ex is considering giving me some time to get my shit together. It will not be endless but perhaps 6 weeks. 6 weeks is okay with me. I can get myself together emotionally to be able to cope with the situation. I just hope her lawyer does not push her since she does see him this week. She is concerned I am running up the Co. In debt but I am not. I am smart enough to know this will hurt both of us financially not help either of us. There is a lot of distrust between us but perhaps we just gained a little back on both sides.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 08:14 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 136
Craigerst is on a distinguished road
Default

This is for general venting so now some more venting. I admitted candidly to my ex if I had to do this all over again perhaps I would think twice before I did it again. I moan about the financial implications but the emotional implications are enormous as well. Far bigger than I expected. Frankly, she is coping with the situation better than me. Not in a "cheaper to keeper" sense. That is a truthful statement but it might have been better to attack the situation earlier from the emotional aspect and not have to consider that truthful saying. I might have got too caught up in work and myself to see the other side of the mirror. It is what it is. I will learn from mistakes and I will see this thing through to the end wherever it takes me. I have no other options.

I hope someone does not bounce me for saying that. It just helps to let my thoughts wander out to paper. It does help to release some of the emotional turmoil. If nothing else I have to realize that I made my bed I now have to sleep in it. I will deal with each day as it comes up and try to be prepared for it as I can be. I must continue to look at ideas and thoughts from everyone out there but remember that I alone have to make decisions eventually.
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2014, 08:22 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 136
Craigerst is on a distinguished road
Default

Maybe I am greedy? I worry a lot about having someone evaluate the business. My experience says it will come in 200 grand more than what I could actually sell it for. I suppose I do not know that until appraisal is done.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Angry and venting - but advice always welcome!! ONTMOMMA Parenting Issues 64 11-27-2012 06:44 PM
venting HappyMomma Financial Issues 17 10-25-2011 09:21 PM
Omitted from funeral ! Just venting May_May General Chat 11 09-29-2011 12:01 AM
hi i am new - venting newatthis General Chat 8 08-15-2008 08:06 PM
Venting. RowanDu General Chat 8 12-23-2005 02:35 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:04 PM.