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Old 12-31-2015, 05:56 PM
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Default Post divorce survival - Happy New Year!

As I look at chalking up another year since my divorce I am reminded of how dreadful and bleak things looked back in Winter of 2008/2009. At that time I was in a pretty bad situation, living day-by-day in fear for my personal safety and the unknown. I would have just finished up the dishes from yet another monstrously stressful week of entertaining my ex's large family. It was a physically and mentally draining time as I had just had a complete hysterectomy at the end of November. Little did I know then that the next two weeks would be filled with terror and many calls to the police for protection.

I recall the first time I met with my lawyer. He told me to put away as much money as I could put my hands on. I didn't follow his advice as I thought it naive because, as a partner in a business, I was responsible for payroll and bills. That was my first mistake. I didn't take care of "me" first. 6 months later I was financially wiped out. Ex, with the help of his g/f and family, assisted him in depleting all of our assets. Had it not been for the compassion and generosity of friends I would not have been able to survive my ex's promise "you will be like a bag-woman in the streets."

I recall asking a good friend, who had gone through a terrible divorce, how long it took him before he felt "normal" again. He responded that it was 7 years.

This year will mark the 7th year for me. I have made major life changes. These changes were not easy but I have to say that with each new year since separation I discovered self-worth and renewed self-confidence. I do feel optimistic about the future.

I hope those of you who are going through the lousy part of separation/divorce can find some happiness in 2016. I am going to make 1 resolution for the New Year and that is that I am going to be extra good to myself without any regret or guilt.
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Old 12-31-2015, 06:38 PM
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I admire your strength and candour. Hope 2016 is fabulous.
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Old 12-31-2015, 06:40 PM
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its time for you to put you first.
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:28 PM
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I don't think I will ever feel what I once considered 'normal' ever again. I am busy forging a new 'normal' but it is with more cynicism and realism than I once imagined I would ever need. In dark times though, I look back to my worst times (most of 2009 for me) and I know that whatever happens to me can never be as bad as that was.

Every little annoyance my ex still brings to my life, I treat as a reminder that I did the right thing.
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Old 12-31-2015, 11:09 PM
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Default Post divorce survival - Happy New Year!

My partner and I were talking about how different our lives were three years ago before we met. He tells me he never thought he could be happy again or laugh or enjoy life. Theres still a part of him that is wounded that will never heal but he says he can get through it easier now.

He made a resolution to stop walking into the traps his ex sets. No more long winded responses where he struggles to be "heard". Short and to the point. No more of the past mistakes. She barely speaks to him as it is so if she wants something, she better come prepared. He said hes tired of all the drama and just wants to be able to live his life. He hasn't heard from his kids either since we got back and hes disappointed but I think coupled with how things happened last year, hes resolved to let that drama go too. When theyre ready he'll be here but hes not sitting around being miserable.

Hopefully many difficult things get resolved for all of you this year and you find some much needed peace.

Happy new year!!
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Old 12-31-2015, 11:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
I don't think I will ever feel what I once considered 'normal' ever again. I am busy forging a new 'normal' but it is with more cynicism and realism than I once imagined I would ever need. In dark times though, I look back to my worst times (most of 2009 for me) and I know that whatever happens to me can never be as bad as that was.

Every little annoyance my ex still brings to my life, I treat as a reminder that I did the right thing.
I get that "reminder" sometimes when my son parrots something my ex would do... son looks like his father, likes the same food and unfortunately has some of the same irritating mannerisms.

Ex's g/f still sends me emails pretending to be him from time to time. I can now laugh at them. There was a time when I was absolutely outraged.

While I will never forget the past I have to say that over time things don't bother me as much. It also has helped that I've had 1 1/2 yr without court nonsense. I'm sure it's just a matter of time before ex drags me back to court.
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Old 01-01-2016, 12:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
My partner and I were talking about how different our lives were three years ago before we met. He tells me he never thought he could be happy again or laugh or enjoy life. Theres still a part of him that is wounded that will never heal but he says he can get through it easier now.

He made a resolution to stop walking into the traps his ex sets. No more long winded responses where he struggles to be "heard". Short and to the point. No more of the past mistakes. She barely speaks to him as it is so if she wants something, she better come prepared. He said hes tired of all the drama and just wants to be able to live his life. He hasn't heard from his kids either since we got back and hes disappointed but I think coupled with how things happened last year, hes resolved to let that drama go too. When theyre ready he'll be here but hes not sitting around being miserable.

Hopefully many difficult things get resolved for all of you this year and you find some much needed peace.

Happy new year!!
I think you took a positive step in getting away together over Christmas. Here's hoping that she meets the love of her life this year and shifts the drama to her new man's relatives!
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Old 01-01-2016, 12:17 AM
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Congrats and Happy New Year, Arabian!

2016 will be year 7 for me as well, I had gotten used to things as they were as the norm, and am just now embarking on yet another new normal. I don't really have a bucket list, but am just setting out on the biggest project of my life (aside from kids!) that would be THE top thing on my bucket list if I had one.

Congrats on getting through it, and best wishes for a happy and peaceful year to come :-)
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Old 01-01-2016, 01:18 AM
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I copied this from someone posting on the internet but thought it was worth posting:

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy
May the problems you had, forget your home address!
May 2016 be the best year of your life!!! Have a safe and Happy New Years Everyone
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Old 01-01-2016, 06:47 PM
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Happy New Year to all.

Yep, divorce is stressful. Do I personally think anyone recovers, perhaps, but on a different level.

I've met an awful lot of people who have gone through it and all have been jaded. Your much more cautious. Easy to say ..put it in the past...not so easily done.

The only scenario I could see not bothering you, married / divorced young, no kids, no assets and no money. A little bit of paperwork and all good.

Hope everyone is strong in the New Year. Try and be as positive as possible.

Take Care,
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