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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-13-2015, 07:33 AM
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Thats not at all what I meant but if thats how you want to take it, knock yourself out.
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Old 04-13-2015, 10:11 AM
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Rockscan, most of us understood your opinion quite clearly ... Serendipidous seems to enjoy the ''shock factor'' judging from some of his/her/its few postings on ODF. (scraping the bottom of the media garbage can to see what gunk can be found) .....
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Old 04-13-2015, 01:56 PM
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Do vindictive people change then i.e. do they all of a sudden become a nice person???? All I am saying is that it helps to have one's wit about them if you are going to get involved with someone based on your own experience.

I mean is a spousal support claimant all of a sudden make an exception of me if things go South? I doubt it

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Thats not at all what I meant but if thats how you want to take it, knock yourself out.
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Old 04-13-2015, 01:59 PM
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So that means I should avoid anyone who has their kids all the time i.e. sole custody, as that could be a sign of them being vindictive????

Note to self
Yes, that is exactly what rockscan meant. I find this very good advice. I avoid people with sole custody like the plague. I won't sit next to them on the bus. If I discovered one of my friends had sole custody of his kids, that friend would be dead to me forever. They are all very bad people and ought to be outlawed.

No, of course not. Only in the minds of trolls ...
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Old 04-14-2015, 10:11 AM
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Actually yes, sole custody is a big warning sign. Of course one can end up with sole custody for different reasons, but usually it is a strong sign of a sh*t person. I ended up dating only with women without kids in the last year or so.
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Old 04-14-2015, 11:19 AM
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Funny, Im dating a divorced man with "access". In our scenario I'm the bad guy because he "cares more about his gf than his kids". Which I can assure you is the farthest thing from the truth. Should I have avoided him? Absolutely not.
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Old 04-14-2015, 11:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Funny, Im dating a divorced man with "access". In our scenario I'm the bad guy because he "cares more about his gf than his kids". Which I can assure you is the farthest thing from the truth. Should I have avoided him? Absolutely not.

You're a lot braver than me ... after some of the hell-stories I have seen in here I would absolutely not date a man with young children.

What happens if things go south? you as a step-mom have no legal rights whatsoever as far as the children are concerned. You love them and care for them like they were your own kids for X amount of years, and BOOM, SHTF and they are out of your life for ever - I could not handle that.

Add a vindictive Ex wife to the fun and games, and a husband who feels guilty about the entire mess ... it takes a lot of courage, kudos to those of you in this situation - it's not for me - no way.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you treat the kids well, ex-wifie is resentful of the kids attachment to you. If you have a different style of parenting, she blows a gasket ... seems to me a step-mother has just as much work, care and responsibility as birth-mom but none of the advantages ... like I wrote earlier, it takes guts.
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Old 04-14-2015, 12:37 PM
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In my case he moved away due to family issues, emotional issues, financial issues and the ugliness of the separation and divorce issues. He was naive enough to believe his ex would be reasonable and leave the kids out of it. The first six months were perfectly fine as they didnt know we were dating. He had issues with his kids that had been festering from the separation and divorce (READ: money) but nothing that impacted us. After they found out about me, it all went downhill. I became the new excuse for them to hate dad (fostered in large part by mom). Does he have issues that have carried over from his marriage? Sure. But Im not without my own drama. He's been supporting me through some serious issues with property management and a deadbeat tenant. Also through some scary health issues.

You have to decide for yourself what you are and arent willing to accept in a partner whether they are divorced or not. Ive met some pretty messed up single-never married dudes. Aside from all the drama from the ex and kids, we've got a wonderful life. Being married taught him the art of compromise, consideration for me, how to fight fair, and when to pick your battles. They can blame me all they want for their misery, I know the truth and I also know how people who like to victimize themselves work. Everyone has choices and there are always consequences for your actions.

Theres bumps for sure, but every road has bumps in it regardless of how they happened or what caused them.
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Old 04-14-2015, 03:09 PM
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Quote:
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After they found out about me, it all went downhill. I became the new excuse for them to hate dad (fostered in large part by mom).

From what I've seen that's usually the case. All's fine until they find out about the new spouse. It's weird all the same - she wanted to divorce the guy because he's "satan's spawn" and is not worthy of her, yet all hell breaks loose when somebody else wants him? Go figure???

Personally I would be tickled pink if/when my ex finds a new spouse. He'd be calmer and would certainly get off of my back with somebody else to annoy!
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Old 04-14-2015, 03:39 PM
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My criteria remains the same - have own teeth, good personal hygiene and a pension.
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