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Old 10-04-2016, 11:31 AM
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Default New order, more backlash, update and questions, support needed!

Good day all!
I have not been on here in quite a while. As some of you may remember, I have a S6 and was implicated in a very lengthy and high conflict separation. The following post is to put you in context and questions follow.

My son's father and I agreed that prior to Court we would hire a professional, Social Worker, Custody Evaluator and Mediator to work with us and develop a new parenting plan/schedule to help our S6 in light of behavioral and academic difficulties. Prior to SW's involvement, S6 was diagnosed with ADHD and became extremely violent both in class and in other environments, there were also many other issues that derived from this such as socially being outcast and his own self esteem. Evidently this meant a material change and S6 needed to be well supported and assessed.

After the SW's assessments were conducted (3months of working with us), she determined that a change from a 50/50 access to an every other extended weekend with dad would help S6 regain control and feel stable in our home (I'm in a long term relationship). SW's disclosure didn't go over well with son's father, he became irate and belligerent in the meeting. The morning of this, my lawyer was informed that his lawyer was no longer willing to represent him and therefore he was now self rep. A few things to disclose, the SW made many recommendations for my son's father to seek help for basic communication skills, stress and anger issues and drug consumption (all of which implemented in our new Court order).

My son's father refused to implement the recommendations he had legally agreed to follow, this meant that we needed to go to Court to have the recommendations legally implemented and drawn up in a Court Order.

Now many months down the road, we were in Court, the judge granting me all of what I was seeking plus costs that were previously reserved were to be submitted for his review. (Costs are still in review.)

After Court, my son's father went on a social media slandering campaign. Going as far as cooking up and posting disturbing information about myself, and disclosing information about our son's condition and medication recourse. He has continued to defame my counsel and I on social media two months after Court. He's been put on notice multiple times but to no avail.

During the Court proceedings, my son's father became irate and could not seem to answer the judge when questioned, he was unprepared and became increasingly aggressive to the point where police placed themselves in a protective position of myself and my lawyer. I was escorted by police to my place of work afterwards and was flagged with OPP as being high risk. My son's father made remarks during Court that he would not be paying CS any longer which was ruled in Court that the support would be upped from 400 to 500.

As of now, there is an unpaid CS amount of 1600. Last payment was made on the 3rd of this month for the amount of 400. FRO has been implicated since we separated in 2010 and have now attempted to contact him via phone as well as put him on notice for the arrears via formal letter.

My questions:

1.If my son's father makes a payment such as this past one, does FRO continue to address the arrears issues?

2.How can I protect my S6 from the alienation and anger from his father? He's been continuously told, since Court, that the new agreement is unfair and should be 50/50 along with other questionable information that he omits to my partner, myself and his grand parents.

3.If you've been in a similar situation, how did you explain to your child why there was a change in access? (I initially told my son that a "Mr.Judge" had decided that he would have to spend less time with his dad, but this is not satisfactory to S6.

4.Where should I draw the line on slander and defamation of character? We live in a very small community and I work in the Social Services industry/ This could potentially have effects on my son and my family in the near future.

5.Should I inform Child Protective Services or Police Services? (My lawyer has suggested that I speak with authorities,but I fear there would be greater backlash and possibly be even more detrimental to S6).

I apologize for the extremely long post, I appreciate your support and compassion.

Thank you and have a splendid day!
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Old 10-04-2016, 11:41 AM
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Its unfortunate your ex has taken this action. Both for you and your son but also for himself.

To answer some of your questions...

FRO will continue to seek recovery of arrears until they are told not to. This means an outstanding order against your ex. When he hits $3000 owed they will do things like suspend his license. Do you know where he works? They may be able to garnish his wages. Contact them with this info.

Have you spoken with the police about filing a cease and desist order? Or any other type of action to stop the comments? Really you have to get a thicker skin and just tell people what he is saying isnt true and they shouldnt believe him. An irate irrational person shows their true colours and most reasonable people can see through this. If it was me i would be saying to myself "and you wonder why you lost custody..."

As for your son, the best you can do is continue to reassure him. Youre trying to help him with a set schedule, daddy is still there and loves him, you both are trying to work together to help him feel comfortable and safe. All of these types of things. You cant control what your ex says and truly he shouldnt be saying these things to a six year old. The social worker should be able to help or there is also counseling. You may want to seek an order for supervised access for a while with a counselor so they can moderate the negative behaviours on the part of your ex.
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Old 10-04-2016, 11:49 AM
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Thank you Rockscan, I appreciate your reply and understanding!
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Old 10-04-2016, 12:30 PM
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Quote:
After the SW's assessments were conducted (3months of working with us), she determined that a change from a 50/50 access to an every other extended weekend with dad would help S6 regain control and feel stable in our home (I'm in a long term relationship).
Has CAS been involved? Child abuse by dad?

I'm all for 50/50 of course but Im not blind to the fact that it's not for everybody Just please be sure that taking your son away from dad for a significant amount of time is the answer. Hopefully it doesn't make it worse.
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Old 10-04-2016, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Has CAS been involved? Child abuse by dad?

I'm all for 50/50 of course but Im not blind to the fact that it's not for everybody Just please be sure that taking your son away from dad for a significant amount of time is the answer. Hopefully it doesn't make it worse.

During our disclosure meeting with SW, she made us aware that my son's father and his girlfriend had been investigated a total of 9-10 times by CAS. This was obviously news to me and quite concerning. The SW divulged that most calls were in regards to father's treatment of our son, drug use, police involvement and concerns from people in the community. I was never notified due to case closure/confidentiality policies.

The explained to us that my son's explosive temperament and hostile behaviors mirrored those of his dad's. She went on to recall some of their (Son's dad and SW) discussions about me that were incredibly negative and made a point to highlight that should his (son's father) behaviors continue, this would have detrimental impacts on our son.

Now, taking into consideration that CAS have been implicated many times, I wonder if it is a good idea to call them at all as this might heighten my son's father's anger towards me and impact our son (AGAIN).

Thanks for your reply LovingFather32!!
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Old 10-04-2016, 01:01 PM
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Plus his aggression in court I guess too. Well, I'm convinced then.

I'm very confused why CAS didn't do anything in all those investigations though. Isn't that what they're there for? No recommendation for supervised access starting only a few hours/week?

Why would the judge allow full weekends with such violence?

That's kind of worrisome.
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Old 10-04-2016, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Plus his aggression in court I guess too. Well, I'm convinced then.

I'm very confused why CAS didn't do anything in all those investigations though. Isn't that what they're there for? No recommendation for supervised access starting only a few hours/week?

Why would the judge allow full weekends with such violence?

That's kind of worrisome.
Yes, you're definitely understanding the aggressive pattern.

As per CAS (from SW disclosure meeting) they ruled out physical abuse. The fact that both son's father and his spouse use marijuana in their home is also not cause for concern due to S6 not knowing the difference between a cigarette and joint. They simply asked that they smoke outside the home and that residues/paraphernalia were disposed of properly. As for aggression, I'm guessing he didn't display any during interviews, therefor they could not take action as there is a lack of proof. CAS will also not implement supervised access on the account of he said/she said information.

As for the judge, we were the last "case" to be heard, he was impatient and seemed to just want my son's father out of his Court room (I don't blame him).
He granted me everything I was seeking which is a lot as not many are successful in reverting from a 50/50 to an 8 day per month access arrangement. He, I'm sure, slept well that night.

Worrisome is right!! Again, thank you!
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Old 10-23-2016, 01:26 PM
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If what he says is a lie you can sue him for defamation. It has to be a lie.
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