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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2009, 08:08 PM
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 44
Leila is on a distinguished road
Lightbulb 'My soul flies free like the willow tree'

Okay. Last night was the blow out to end all blowouts via the telephone. Although I realize that this was probably a near impossibilty he threatened to take full custody of our 4 year old daughter to raise with his new girlfriend (that our daughter has never met, that he's been with for 3 weeks and so on.) Now, I've been trying to hold on here. Hold on to my rights etc. All he wants is this falling apart negative equity house and his leased car. When even the threat was uttered of taking my child away from me, I have to say, I just want to get the hell out of here. Now he went to his lawyer today. I see mine next Friday. The separation agreement supposedly says I get full custody of child plus child support. I am discharged of all debt. No spousal support. I get old 'greeny garbage' affectionate name for beater car. All I have to do is leave by July 15th. And I am going to. I cannot CANNOT live with this sickening toxic s**T in my life and in my child's life. Yes, I feel bullied and mentally abused. Sick, stressed all of the above. But, I cannot wage this horrible battle with our baby as the pawn. Homes and cars, so what? It doesn't seem to matter a fig that we were married. I see that all too clearly now. But this little star that I carried in my body for nine months, that I have attended to her every need, she is my heart and soul. Some might say that I've given up. My lawyer will of course be going over this agreement. I have to say, only a month into this and I've had enough. Enough throwing up due to stress. Enough sleepless nights. Enough halfsies of Ativan. Enough rage, enough hate. Enough poison spewing out of my mouth, out of his mouth. I am a gypsy and a soldier and I know what is REAL in this life. I know how to move. I know how to work. I know how to take care of myself and my girl. I've lived coast to coast and travelled long before I became a wife and mother. I will fall back on that experience, only this time I have a child to drive me towards success like never before. I release myself from the tyranny, the materialism, the chauvinism, the entrapment that I felt despite longing for my ideal of marriage to come to fruition.
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Old 06-23-2009, 11:41 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 311
About_Time is on a distinguished road

It's been said here many many times, but NEVER leave the house before an agreement is signed and sealed. You will potentially be cheating yourself - and your daughter - out of a home... or at least your fair share of equity from that home.

If you have been the one taking care of your daughter, then he hasn't got a lot of standing in the courts. He's trying to bully you into accepting less than the courts would award you by threatening to take your daughter, which he can't do. Your lawyer will set you straight and you'll feel more empowered once you know where you stand legally.

As a good, loving father on the sharp end of the divorce stick, I know how deeply a custodial mother can stab it. At least your ex sounds like he might deserve it. Trust me - hang in there. It gets better.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 06-23-2009, 04:36 PM
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 44
Leila is on a distinguished road

I see my lawyer at last on Friday. This house has negative equity... does that matter? He has lived here for 10 years, I have lived here for 5. I know I have rights to the house, but the house isn't worth anything. As far as his stupid crazy threats go I am just sickened. It's absurd. I do look forward to Friday, as my ex is behaving as if everything is just hunky dory as long as it goes the way he wants it to.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 06-23-2009, 05:40 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,430
billm is on a distinguished road

Originally Posted by Leila View Post
... This house has negative equity... does that matter? ...
No, its just a number - you get half of everything (assets and debts) and if in the end it all adds up to less than zero (you owe more than you have), then you walk away with less than zero.
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