My 10yr old son broke my heart tonight

[AngieJ]

Hey everyone,

Just looking for some words of wisdom from those that have been trough this kinda thing before.

Tonight, when the kids called to say goodnight, my oldest son gets on the phone and says:

"Mom, I don't think this is gonna work out, this separation between you and dad"

I admit, it took everything in me not to burst out laughing, cause there is no way I'm going back.

So I asked him "Why?" and he tells me that because as soon as I dropped them off on Sunday to start their week with dad, he just wanted to come back to my place.

I told him that I know this is hard for him, that we are all going through a difficult time right now, an adjustment period. That mom and dad loved him and his brother very much, and that it would get easier over time.

Your feedback is appreciated!

Angie

[ddol1]

Without a doubt you took the high road - you promoted what you think is right and that is equal time between mom and dad and if you are really lucky this adjustment period will not be too long or too hard.

question to you is the relationship between you and your ex - are you comfortable yet to work with each other to help your kids along with this adjustment? That would meen your talking with the ex, giving it to him straight so he can really work harder at making the transition work. I would think with every couple, moms are good for some things and dad others.

But this divorce thing......moms must learn to be both and dad well they need to be both too. Just thinking and I wonder what a response to this would be.... Here would be a possibly good poll question! Is it harder for mom to fill in the typical dad's role or vice versa where dad needs to fill in for mom? the third would be niether I guess because moms are mom and dads are well dads and well what do the experienced with younger children think with the what works best for the children role wise???

I know in our marriage (and I am sure she would hit me with a pan for this but all in all in our family dad was the transition parent who was good with the dad role, good at the nuturing mom type role as well. I was also pretty darn good at well being the kid all over again so in thier younger years and well into the - say up to the "closed mouth no more free communication stage that I believe all teens go thru" that the kids would come up to me more often if for no other reason that I did spend more one on one time with them side by side (playing tea party, dressup, cars or going to have some fun at the park - I definately was not one of the parents that stood off on the side gabbing with the other parents - I came home just as dirty as the kids!!

[standing on the sidelines]

Originally Posted by AngieJ

Hey everyone,

Just looking for some words of wisdom from those that have been trough this kinda thing before.

Tonight, when the kids called to say goodnight, my oldest son gets on the phone and says:

"Mom, I don't think this is gonna work out, this separation between you and dad"

I admit, it took everything in me not to burst out laughing, cause there is no way I'm going back.

So I asked him "Why?" and he tells me that because as soon as I dropped them off on Sunday to start their week with dad, he just wanted to come back to my place.

I told him that I know this is hard for him, that we are all going through a difficult time right now, an adjustment period. That mom and dad loved him and his brother very much, and that it would get easier over time.

Your feedback is appreciated!

Angie

you handled it perfectly.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines

you handled it perfectly.

I would up the anti on that comment to "you handled it brilliantly".

Medals should be given out by the Family Court to parents like you who are able to manage a situation like that.

There is hope in Family Law.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Gary M]

Originally Posted by AngieJ

I told him that I know this is hard for him, that we are all going through a difficult time right now, an adjustment period. That mom and dad loved him and his brother very much, and that it would get easier over time.

You don't need our advice - Methinks, rather, that lots of people here could learn from you.

Cheers!

Gary

[AngieJ]

Thanks everyone for the feedback, sometimes it's hard to know when you are on the right path!

Ddol - My X and I do get along just fine, but, this is a big learning curve for him as I was primarily the one who took care of everthing with the children. I do try to offer friendly, non-nagging advice where I can but that is all I can do, he needs to learn this for himself and for his children. No more hiding in the basement leaving everything for someone else to do cause guess what, no one else is there to do it!

Ang

[sahibjee]

Originally Posted by AngieJ

Thanks everyone for the feedback, sometimes it's hard to know when you are on the right path!

Ddol - My X and I do get along just fine, but, this is a big learning curve for him as I was primarily the one who took care of everthing with the children. I do try to offer friendly, non-nagging advice where I can but that is all I can do, he needs to learn this for himself and for his children. No more hiding in the basement leaving everything for someone else to do cause guess what, no one else is there to do it!

Ang

given your two posts i feel that you and your husband just need a break from each other ... and not a divorce or separation.
now that you are separated, stay away from each other for a couple of months and then visit a marriage counselor, i hope things will work out ... for your sakes and specially because you have two other lives who will be eternally effected by your breakup ...

in general i think if all couples took breaks from each other ... marriages would last longer ...

[Gary M]

Originally Posted by sahibjee

given your two posts i feel that you and your husband just need a break from each other ... and not a divorce or separation.
now that you are separated, stay away from each other for a couple of months and then visit a marriage counselor, i hope things will work out ... for your sakes and specially because you have two other lives who will be eternally effected by your breakup ...

in general i think if all couples took breaks from each other ... marriages would last longer ...

... and then there are those marriages that are so poisonous that staying together is incomprehensible. Marriages like that hurt everybody involved, but none more so that the kids.

Staying together isn't always the answer (nor am I suggesting that divorce is) but sometimes it's the only answer.

In this case, the "two other lives" you speak of just might be better off if the parents divorce. The days where couples stay together no-matter-what are long gone, and fortunately so.

Cheers!

Gary

[AngieJ]

Originally Posted by sahibjee

given your two posts i feel that you and your husband just need a break from each other ... and not a divorce or separation.
now that you are separated, stay away from each other for a couple of months and then visit a marriage counselor, i hope things will work out ... for your sakes and specially because you have two other lives who will be eternally effected by your breakup ...

in general i think if all couples took breaks from each other ... marriages would last longer ...

You are referring to the two posts from this thread alone. You should do a search and look at some of the first posts I made when I joined this forum, detailing my story, you would probably understand a little more. I am no longer in love with the VERY ANGRY, AGGRESSIVE, man I was married to, so a "Break" as you say, will not fix this!

But thanks for your two cents

Angie

[Digger]

I wish a thousand times over that I had an ex like you! Keep up the good work.