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Old 07-15-2014, 01:58 PM
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Default Lack of trust 29 yrs later

Just when you think you know someone, what would you do in the situation?

Husband being forced to sell family home after dying wife ran up £48k debt | Mail Online
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Old 07-15-2014, 02:02 PM
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I read these stories and I'm so happy I'm divorced young, I'll never make myself liable for somebody else's actions and decisions again.
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Old 07-15-2014, 02:35 PM
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In the past few months, I have crossed paths with acquaintances who's partners, have just decided they are going to stop working..."because they are stressed", and then there are the ones that keep their serious health issues a secret from their spouse, now leaving the spouse in a situation where they are carrying all the family burden


I mean people that haven't been married ever, can be forgiven for being gullible and blind when it comes to "love", but there is no excuse for people that have been round the block once or a twice


It seems there are people out there just looking for someone to carry them i.e. in a parent like fashion
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Old 07-15-2014, 03:48 PM
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When I got back into dating after my divorce it was very clear there were many people looking for a free ride.

After the first couple months you could pick them out like a dirty shirt.

I had a very strict checklist on what made someone worthy of my time.

After two years of not even really dating I started to find a couple of people who met that criteria. I eventually found someone who not only met my checklist but exceeded it... Things are going great but I'm not rushing anything and always conscious of how things can go wrong... And surprisingly we openly discuss it together as we have both been married with kids and are now divorced.
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Old 07-15-2014, 04:23 PM
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So if I may ask....what are a couple of really important i.e. redflag / deal breakers on this "checklist" of yours?

I have heard first hand from people who say they just go on dates to....

1. Boost their self esteem
2. Get a free dinner out of it
3. something to do to while away time
4. because they can't be alone
5. oh, and to get laid
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Old 07-15-2014, 04:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by childfocused View Post
So if I may ask....what are a couple of really important i.e. redflag / deal breakers on this "checklist" of yours?

I have heard first hand from people who say they just go on dates to....

1. Boost their self esteem
2. Get a free dinner out of it
3. something to do to while away time
4. because they can't be alone
5. oh, and to get laid
Fully employed and have been for some time
University Educated
They have their kids 50/50 (if applicable)
Mentally stable (sometimes hard to tell)
They have dreams and goals
Are 100% completely able to support themselves (own their own house for example, not renting)
Not collecting spousal support
Similar earning potential as me

Those are the deal breakers... After that there are many nice to have personality traits that I needed.

Granted none of those things guarantee any possible future problems but might reduce the risk of someone taking a free ride off of you.

Some examples of dates I went on that didn't last

1. Mother of 2 with full custody whose ex was charged with assault but the charges didn't stick (false allegations??? possibly)
2. Mother of 2 recently separated with full custody because she moved away from the city they lived in to live with her parents (several flags here).. (3 dates with girls like this, none got a second date)
3. Mother of 2 kids living with in-laws... (I'm pretty sure she was trying to have an affair) Her story was full of holes. No education

The person I am now seeing has two masters degrees, owns her own business, her and her ex decided 50/50 right from the start, owns her own house and can support herself without me. Took me 3 years to find her though...
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Old 07-15-2014, 05:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by childfocused View Post
So if I may ask....what are a couple of really important i.e. redflag / deal breakers on this "checklist" of yours?

I have heard first hand from people who say they just go on dates to....

1. Boost their self esteem
2. Get a free dinner out of it
3. something to do to while away time
4. because they can't be alone
5. oh, and to get laid
Not my current GF but a previous one presented me with a list of 20 questions after our third date. This was a big test to see if we were compatible. I'm not sure it was a good idea or not, I think spending time and talking is better than a list.
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Old 07-15-2014, 06:03 PM
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My partner didnt want another relationship before he met me he had been so damaged by his ex. I managed to win him over. We're working on a cohabitation agreement to protect both our assets. Plus for him? I watched my parents ugly divorce and I abhor revenge/pettiness. Theres nice men and women out there, just have to find them.

Believe it or not one of my deal breakers was divorced with kids. I only met him to shut a mutual friend up who thought we were perfect for each other. The divorce and kids cause about 7% unhappiness. But only because they dont think he deserved to have a life after the divorce. We manage it just fine.

P.S. Im also in my late 30's and muddled through jerks. Sometimes theres diamonds in the rough! Im glad I set aside my terms on divorced dads because hes pretty amazing!
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Old 07-15-2014, 07:33 PM
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The OP's article doesn't ring 100% true to me and I'm left with the feeling it's mere journalistic fantasy likely rift with misleading statements.

Life is full of surprises. I know I would probably do a few things differently if given the chance to do things over again. Notably I would NEVER go into business with a spouse or close friend.

I would avoid someone who:

- talks about himself incessantly
- talks about an ex-wife incessantly
- wants me to meet his ex-wife
- hasn't done anything in his life to be proud of
- interrupts when other people are speaking or who cannot have an intelligent conversation
- has never lived on his own
- likes chuckwagon horse racing
- is rude to service staff (waitresses, gas attendants, etc.)
- has lack of dining etiquette

Note I didn't say anything about teeth. At my age, meeting a guy who has his own teeth is a bonus!
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Old 07-15-2014, 09:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
The OP's article doesn't ring 100% true to me and I'm left with the feeling it's mere journalistic fantasy likely rift with misleading statements.

Life is full of surprises. I know I would probably do a few things differently if given the chance to do things over again. Notably I would NEVER go into business with a spouse or close friend.

I would avoid someone who:

- talks about himself incessantly
- talks about an ex-wife incessantly
- wants me to meet his ex-wife
- hasn't done anything in his life to be proud of
- interrupts when other people are speaking or who cannot have an intelligent conversation
- has never lived on his own
- likes chuckwagon horse racing
- is rude to service staff (waitresses, gas attendants, etc.)
- has lack of dining etiquette

Note I didn't say anything about teeth. At my age, meeting a guy who has his own teeth is a bonus!
Obviously you've never had a man down south without his dentures in.
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