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Old 04-08-2012, 12:08 AM
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Question Keep his family name or not?

I sure am glad to have seen the discussion on wedding jewelry; i am still in the initial stages of separation and never even thought about the rings...i guess especially coz i have not worn them for months...I think melting them to form a new personal memento is not a bad idea...will explore later...LOL.

What about the FAMILY NAME OR SURNAME...i took his after we got married...and i have been known as such since 12 years ago, including as i moved thru my career...so from a professional perspective, it is preferable for me to keep the status quo. Also, both our kids use this same surname...so status quo for me means less confusion in school, after-school, etc.
But...what is preferable for me might not be appropriate. Haven't discussed with him yet as trying to focus on major things.
Any thoughts or inputs on this?
Please and thanks,
2bfree2012
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Old 04-08-2012, 02:01 AM
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I am in the same boat as you....my kids have his name, professionally I am known by his name. However...I am in the process of changing back. Get my own identity back. There is a large percentage of kids in school nowadays without the same name as their moms - the school is not even blinking an eye to this in my case. Just takes an adjustment (and an understanding that you may be called "Ms whatever" for a time to come still.
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Old 04-08-2012, 02:33 AM
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I personally think - good for you!! There is no rule and no law and you will be asked if you want your name to be reverted back to your maiden - not told. If you are comfortable keeping the name you are using you have spent the last 12 years "earning the right to keep it" in my humble opinion. As far as the kids go, they will adapt to whatever you chose. Mom will always be mom and dad, dad no matter what the last name shall be.
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Old 04-08-2012, 08:49 AM
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I had his name for 35 years but it was hyphened with my maiden name. I just dropped his and order all new ID and now only have mine. Whatever makes you comfortable is all you really have to care about. Many marriages today the bride keeps her name and when the children come along they have the dads last name, so really it's no biggy.
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Old 04-08-2012, 09:30 AM
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my last name doesnt make me who I am, I do. I am keeping the last name of my ex because first off its a hassle to change all ID credit cards etc. Second cause its just a name.

If you want to change it make sure you do it right when you file for divorce. My cousin waited till a little while after the divorce was granted and she had to pay for getting it changed. If she would have done it right at the start it would have been free.
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Old 04-08-2012, 09:32 AM
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There is no 'appropriate' or 'inappropriate', you should do whatever feels best for you.

I've had my married name for 13 years and intend to keep it, it's comfortable and familiar and I'm happy with it. It is also the same as the kids. I do intend to get remarried at which point I'll hyphenate so will share a name with both my children and my new hubby and his kids.
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Old 04-08-2012, 11:34 AM
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awesome input from all of you...thanks very much...now i know what to do as far as this is concerned :-)
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Old 04-09-2012, 06:43 AM
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Originally Posted by 2bFREE2012 View Post
What about the FAMILY NAME OR SURNAME...i took his after we got married...and i have been known as such since 12 years ago, including as i moved thru my career...so from a professional perspective, it is preferable for me to keep the status quo.
Names are really not that relevant. Legally you can use any name you want. As you are seperating and divorcing the name can change or stay. The other person you married didn't have a say in your name change and you can change your name legally at any time you want.

Names are a personal choice. Today, it is puzzling why the tradition of name changing still exists in marriage. Especially considering the divorce rate.

No one should judge you for changing your name. It is your name. You get to choose your name.

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Originally Posted by court View Post
Also, both our kids use this same surname...so status quo for me means less confusion in school, after-school, etc.
A parent by any other name is still a parent. By definition a parent is a parent, what name you go by doesn't change that. Your children know you as "mom" and will always know you as "mom". Whatever name you use won't really matter to them because they know your real name: "mom".

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Originally Posted by court View Post
But...what is preferable for me might not be appropriate. Haven't discussed with him yet as trying to focus on major things.
Any thoughts or inputs on this?
You can change your name at any time. Nothing is stopping you. If you feel you need to change your name to identify with something else or who you really are it is your choice. You don't need to discuss your name with the other parent.

The most important thing to BOTH parents in a situation like yours is your real names:

MOM AND DAD

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 04-09-2012, 01:15 PM
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stbx asked me a couple weeks back, "so you'll be changing your name..." and I told him I am considering it. But he was concerned I would try to change the kids' name and I told him no - they keep the name they were born with....

When I was growing up (divorced parents) the school would call my mom "Mrs G" but everyone else knew her by her maiden name "Miss P"... it didn't really matter....

All in all, I will most likely change me name back to my maiden name. In all the years we were together I was never terribly fond of being known as "Mrs B"... but as far as dealings with schools, doctors, whatever where my kids are concerned I will not correct someone if they refer to me as "Mrs B"...
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Old 04-09-2012, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by cbarker78 View Post
stbx asked me a couple weeks back, "so you'll be changing your name..." and I told him I am considering it. But he was concerned I would try to change the kids' name and I told him no - they keep the name they were born with....

When I was growing up (divorced parents) the school would call my mom "Mrs G" but everyone else knew her by her maiden name "Miss P"... it didn't really matter....

All in all, I will most likely change me name back to my maiden name. In all the years we were together I was never terribly fond of being known as "Mrs B"... but as far as dealings with schools, doctors, whatever where my kids are concerned I will not correct someone if they refer to me as "Mrs B"...
Today, in 2012 many professionals and half of society has to deal with separation and divorce. Although you have chosen to not correct people on what you should be called, it shouldn't have to be this way today.

Separation and divorce is not a taboo topic in modern society. Government is particularly behind the times unfortunately and sets people to fight over the most stupid things like names.

Government by default should recognize both parents at birth for all things regarding the child. The vast majority of government services working with parents haven't caught up to modern society in which children have two parents who are equally involved in their children's lives.

Hopefully one day people will recognize the individuality of parents who choose to live separate and apart and accept this fact.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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