Just some thoughts....

[gooddadgoingmad]

I was thinking last night about all of you fine people, myself, my ex and more specifically how I NEVER had any idea that divorce would be as stressful as this. I hear your stories, I live my own, and it amazes me how many people I've known in my life who have been through divorce...yet I never knew they were possibly going through this kind of turmoil. Then I thought about some of my family members, friends, and co-worker and I realized that most of them have no idea what I'm going through.

By day: Hard working, happy go lucky guy - By Night: Depressed, stressed and anxiety ridden.

Makes me wonder how many people are around me and going through the same thing, yet I have no idea.

I've been thinking that maybe I should be reaching out more. I dunno. I am not very good and making my problems someone elses. But outside of this group, I really have no one.

I don't know about you guys, but I spend a lot of time, way to much time, thinking about what she's going to pull next. Unfortunatly she is from a family who will not give her healthy advice. And as mentioned in one of Jeff's blogs, she does not work and has a lot of time on her hands to think of ways to make my life miserable. I am constantly trying to figure out a way to appeal to her to keep the "dirt" out of this, for our sons sake. Yet I don't know exactly how to do this. I was thinking about printing some information from the internet about the impact of high conflict relationships on the children, to send to her. I want her to realize that my son is probably hearing and seeing more than she thinks. I think this is something that she needs to read yet I'm pretty sure it will just add fuel to the fire.

I am terrified that he is being exposed to her bitterness and there is no doubt in my mind that he is absorbing more than she knows.

Should I write her a letter telling her that I know this has all been very difficult, BUT, she has to think about our son and the effects of this on HIM. Should I try to appeal to her in some way?

I love this group and I thank you all so much for your information and for sharing your own stories. It has been very therapeutic for me, for sure. At least I no longer feel alone.

GDGM

[hubby]

No wonder tis called a fallen world. You know, when you compare the suffering of our Lord, what we experience in todays world pales in comparison!

We are here to enjoy and experience all aspects of life ... right form joy all the way to suffering.

Yeah, I hurt at times when I reflect back but get great joy when I look forward to the future and the many choices and possibilities before me ... this time, I will not neglect or take for granted any realationship!

Life has a tendancy to knock one down, sort of reminds me of Tom Cruise in the movie Samurai ... he's holding a wooden sword and a Master Samurai is yelling at him to put the sword down. Tom cruise does not and the Master Samurai practically beats him to a pulp. The amazing thing is this, Tom Cruise even after a heavy beating, continually gets up until he goes unconscious! Now that my friends is perserverance at it's finest!

Hubby

[Decent Dad]

It still boggles my mind that the laws have not been reformed.

[jlalex]

GDGM - you know until you mentioned it I'd never really give it much thought. I've known a few people going through divorce but they never much talked about it. I know when I was stuck in the middle of mine (which is now coming to a close after 7 years) I never talked much about it except for the occasional time when family asked about any progress. But inside I was a basket case always waiting for something bad to happen...

I think it would be good to reach out to others you might know going through something similar..even just to direct them to a site like this and let them know they are not alone would do many a world of good.

As for your ex, you could try to write a letter but its been my experience that people will only listen when they are ready to hear. I think the best thing you could do is just model the behaviour you would like to see. They say the best revenge is living well and I truly believe that..not that you need to seek revenge..lol. Your son needs to know that there is someone out there is loves him unconditionally and wil always be there, regardless of distance of time spent apart. I know in my personal situation when I decided that I would not stoop to his level, I would not sling mud and play games he finally tired of it and wised up that it only has to be as difficult as we make it.

From some of you other posts I've read it seems that your ex is a very bitter person at this point in time, and I'm sad to say there isn't much you can do about it. You could try to make her understand that although you two were not very good husband and wife for one another that really has nothing to do with being a parent now. In my case I had a lot of people advise me to withold visitation when he defaulted on support and they advised me many times to take him to court for support issues, but I tried to make them understand that although it is his obligation to pay support it is the childrens 'right' to see their dad..and he is not paying for the privlidge to see his kids.

It takes time to come to terms with the hurt and often feelings of betrayal, but they can be overcome. Good luck to you!

[ladyluck]

Originally Posted by Decent Dad

It still boggles my mind that the laws have not been reformed.

Here here!
Then again, all laws boggle my mind..