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Links17 05-26-2014 03:07 PM

Just another proof
 
To all the ostriches with their head in the sand that say kids will survive divorce - while this is an extreme example I am sure every kid in a reasonably happy hope that goes through divorce faces these types of feelings.

California shootings: Elliot Rodger's revealed as a cripplingly shy boy whose sense of alienation drove him over the edge - Americas - World - The Independent

His parents divorce was no doubt the cause of his underlying sadness, ^ another pair of parents failing to raise their kids.

rockscan 05-26-2014 03:16 PM

I dont necessarily agree. I was raised by a single parent and dont have any desire to go murder people. He had some serious psychological issues and both his parents had been aware of it and were trying to help. They had even gone so far as to alert police multiple times of their concerns and were told there was no alarm on the part of authorities. I also know of a number of kids who have two loving parents married to each other who committed serious crimes as young adults.

DowntroddenDad 05-26-2014 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Links17 (Post 171579)
To all the ostriches with their head in the sand that say kids will survive divorce - while this is an extreme example I am sure every kid in a reasonably happy hope that goes through divorce faces these types of feelings.

California shootings: Elliot Rodger's revealed as a cripplingly shy boy whose sense of alienation drove him over the edge - Americas - World - The Independent

His parents divorce was no doubt the cause of his underlying sadness, ^ another pair of parents failing to raise their kids.

No Doubt? Really?

Nice leap to a conclusion.

I know it is all too easy to jump to a conclusion based on one vector, but the truth is that life is rarely that simple.

Mental illness, and it probably isn't a leap to suggest that there is some level of mental illness there based on his actions, has many causes. Brain injury, physical trauma, chemical imbalances in the body, inheritence (genetic) all may have a part to play.

And clearly if you actually take the time to read the article, his first instances of feelings of loneliness and inadequacy were while his parents marriage was intact, before the move from England.

I know quite a few people with mental illness. The one that I know who has been physically violent still has both parents in a good marriage.

And ask yourself this - if there is violence in a marriage or even mental abuse, is it better for a child to be exposed to that on an ongoing basis, or would it be better for the child to see that end and a divorce go forward.

HammerDad 05-26-2014 04:09 PM

While I am not going to suggest that divorce doesn't have a negative impact on kids in one way or another, the rates of this sort of violence does not compare to instances where kids manage to cope significantly better.

And unless I read the story incorrectly, it wasn't so much divorce, but his own insecurities and reaction to being rejected by society that drove this shooter.

Janibel 05-26-2014 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad (Post 171582)
No Doubt? Really?


And ask yourself this - if there is violence in a marriage or even mental abuse, is it better for a child to be exposed to that on an ongoing basis, or would it be better for the child to see that end and a divorce go forward.

^^^100% I can attest to that. Unfortunately, in the case of this young man, anything could have set him off. His parent's divorce, not having a girlfriend or even being game over on his favorite video game ... the cause of this tragedy is untreated mental illness - nothing to do with whatever frustration broke the camel's back.

Links17 05-28-2014 01:52 PM

First of all read the article and look at when he started being sad, way before the age of these rejection issues came up.

Secondly, in cases of violence and other "serious" issues then divorce is scientifically the preferable solution.

My point is just that people recognize the incredible level of harm done to children by divorce and that while they "survive" it often isn't wholly and they carry the scars of it for the rest of their lives. I find a lot of people justify their divorces that its better for the kids which is not backed up scientifically (except in specific cases).

(btw a link in the original article links to a false story, it might only be 50%+ of school shooters come from divorced homes)

Janibel 05-28-2014 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Links17 (Post 171762)

Interesting article --- getting back to your original post, one has to wonder if all mass-murderers come from divorced families? It's a fact that divorce affects our children, it's up to the parents to behave like civilized adults to minimize the harm done ....

It's fair to say that our society misunderstands much of what is required to raise healthy well adjusted kids. Quality parenting has nothing to do with living in an intact family unit. Children learn patience, empathy and basic morals at home - whether that be single-parent homes, step-parent homes, Gay couples or adoptive etc.

DowntroddenDad 05-28-2014 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Links17 (Post 171762)
First of all read the article and look at when he started being sad, way before the age of these rejection issues came up.

Secondly, in cases of violence and other "serious" issues then divorce is scientifically the preferable solution.

My point is just that people recognize the incredible level of harm done to children by divorce and that while they "survive" it often isn't wholly and they carry the scars of it for the rest of their lives. I find a lot of people justify their divorces that its better for the kids which is not backed up scientifically (except in specific cases).

(btw a link in the original article links to a false story, it might only be 50%+ of school shooters come from divorced homes)

And at the risk of repeating myself, read the article again yourself, he had feelings of lonlieness and inadequacy before the divorce.

Links17 05-28-2014 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janibel (Post 171768)
Interesting article --- getting back to your original post, one has to wonder if all mass-murderers come from divorced families? It's a fact that divorce affects our children, it's up to the parents to behave like civilized adults to minimize the harm done ....

It's fair to say that our society misunderstands much of what is required to raise healthy well adjusted kids. Quality parenting has nothing to do with living in an intact family unit. Children learn patience, empathy and basic morals at home - whether that be single-parent homes, step-parent homes, Gay couples or adoptive etc.

From my research I would compare being the child of divorce is the equivalent to having a disability. For all sorts of reasons you are at a disadvantage for the rest of your life. You could "beat" it or whatever but you pretty much get a 20% hit on your life on average.

Links17 05-28-2014 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad (Post 171769)
And at the risk of repeating myself, read the article again yourself, he had feelings of lonlieness and inadequacy before the divorce.

I did, I don't see that. The divorce seems like the major incident.


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