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Old 02-29-2016, 02:36 PM
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I read this on the weekend:

Exclusive: Jennifer Garner?s Frank Talk About Kids, Men, and Ben Affle | Vanity Fair

I like how she said "I lost the dream of dancing with my husband at my daughter's wedding...if you see your kids love someone so purely and wholly, then you're going to be friends with that person."

Sure its hollywood and they say what theyre supposed to but I really wish so many people would follow this idea. You dont have to like your ex and you dont even have to get along all the time but put aside your ridiculous egos and remember that your kids are the most important thing.
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Old 02-29-2016, 04:06 PM
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I don't think its that simple if the other person is lying, manipulative piece of crap and the kids aren't aware but simply "tricked" by that person you probably have reason to dislike that person more.

A lot of VERY abusive parents have kids that still LOVE them very much... A child's love for a parent is not a reason for an ex to not think their ex is trash... Its a case by case basis based on the breakdown of the marriage etc...
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Old 02-29-2016, 04:39 PM
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I will say the same thing to you that I say to my partner and my parents. You can hate the other person all you want, you can encourage others to hate them if need be. But that person, good or bad, is still that childs parent and until they are old enough to understand and form their own opinion, its not right for you (or anyone) to encourage them to dislike them.

Your kids will learn in time the truth. Dont hurt them now by playing the stupid game of "mommy is a whore and I hate her" Links.
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Old 02-29-2016, 05:06 PM
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My ex is a bonafide douche-bag with a criminal record to his credit and I still would prefer that our son maintain some kind of relationship with his father.

I make an effort to include his father in a positive way when recalling past family vacations, holidays and happier times.

I would be doing my son a disservice to paint his father as 100% evil monster (even though that is how I often feel about him). I don't want to rob my son of his past or poison the chance for them to have some kind of future.

As things are now, he has chosen to have zero contact with his dad and I respect his decision - though I would hope that one day the two of them would reconcile before it's too late. I could care less about the Ex, but for my son's sake, he needs his father regardless of what has happened in the past.
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Old 02-29-2016, 05:35 PM
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My mother poisoned us against my father. He was never dad of the year but it was still not her place. I didnt speak to him for 20 years and reconciled a few years ago. He ended up pulling his self absorbed crap with me and screwed me over (royally I might add) and I decided that having a relationship with someone who continues to put his own needs first isnt my priority. I also dont speak to my mother due to her behaviour over many MANY things. But again, that was my choice, neither one of them should have any influence or think they can have any influence over my decision in this matter.
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Old 02-29-2016, 11:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I will say the same thing to you that I say to my partner and my parents. You can hate the other person all you want, you can encourage others to hate them if need be. But that person, good or bad, is still that childs parent and until they are old enough to understand and form their own opinion, its not right for you (or anyone) to encourage them to dislike them.

Your kids will learn in time the truth. Dont hurt them now by playing the stupid game of "mommy is a whore and I hate her" Links.
This is bang on right!
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Old 02-29-2016, 11:42 PM
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I think of the ex as two people residing in one body. There's my ex-husband, about whom I have formed a definite opinion based on my experience, and there's also my daughter's father, who she loves. The trick is to keep these people separate, and not let my feelings about the ex influence my kid's feelings about her father, even though they look the same and go by the same name.
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Old 03-01-2016, 11:18 PM
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I won't tell my kids my ex is a whore (to be honest I don't use language like that at all and my kids dont even understand what being a whore is)... They already know she is crazy and they make fun of her by accusing each other of acting like her... Its pretty funny. In fact, I don't criticize her at all and I in fact try to stop them from making fun of her (gently)...

They also make fun of her being unemployed, they are embarassed of her actually.

She even tells them we got divorced because I was xyz and the kids tell me they don't believe her (unprompted) because they see what a lunatic she is.

When they grow older (16ish...) I do think I will tell them I caught her sexting in my daughter's bed and show them some of the emails she was sending her cousin... I think that's reasonable... I think I'd want to know the truth....

Last edited by Links17; 03-01-2016 at 11:21 PM.
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Old 03-02-2016, 08:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
When they grow older (16ish...) I do think I will tell them I caught her sexting in my daughter's bed and show them some of the emails she was sending her cousin... I think that's reasonable... I think I'd want to know the truth....
How will this do anything but be a detriment to their relationship with their mother? It is better for the kids to have a good relationship with their mother. I think showing them this will only be revenge for you and will hurt the kids. I am not excusing her behavior, I just don't think it is helpful to do a show and tell for the kids about what a horrible thing their mother did.
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Old 03-02-2016, 09:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I won't tell my kids my ex is a whore (to be honest I don't use language like that at all and my kids dont even understand what being a whore is)... They already know she is crazy and they make fun of her by accusing each other of acting like her... Its pretty funny. In fact, I don't criticize her at all and I in fact try to stop them from making fun of her (gently)...

They also make fun of her being unemployed, they are embarassed of her actually.

She even tells them we got divorced because I was xyz and the kids tell me they don't believe her (unprompted) because they see what a lunatic she is.

When they grow older (16ish...) I do think I will tell them I caught her sexting in my daughter's bed and show them some of the emails she was sending her cousin... I think that's reasonable... I think I'd want to know the truth....

My mother told us our father was unfaithful to her. Also told us he was unhealthy sexually. As a teenager you don't understand that. Your kids don't need to know that info. You got divorced because you weren't happy with each other. Don't tell your kids something they aren't emotionally mature enough to understand.
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