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Old 02-04-2016, 07:35 AM
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Interesting article from the perspective of an abandoned daughter.
The invisible dad: My absent father left a gaping hole in my heart - The Globe and Mail
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Old 02-04-2016, 09:37 AM
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This is a great article. It always amazes me how many kids out there miss out when the dad chooses not be part of their lives. But it amazes me more that, knowing the impact it has on kids, there are women who go to great lengths to keep away father's who WANT to be there and share in their children's lives.

Personally, I'd have given everything for my kids father to have been an engaged, active part of their lives. My kids are awesome and deserved it.
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
This is a great article. It always amazes me how many kids out there miss out when the dad chooses not be part of their lives. But it amazes me more that, knowing the impact it has on kids, there are women who go to great lengths to keep away father's who WANT to be there and share in their children's lives.

Personally, I'd have given everything for my kids father to have been an engaged, active part of their lives. My kids are awesome and deserved it.
Agree. I'll never understand father's who choose not to be there ... nor mothers who choose to exclude them.
This article is great ... it illustrates just how important a father's presence is.
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:21 AM
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My dad abandoned me at 13 and then again at 37. It sucked, I got therapy, I got over it. Some parents are absolute jerks. I dont speak to my mother anymore because of how she behaved through the divorce and the years after. I would LOVE to have awesome parents like other people but I dont. I fill my life with people who give me the love and support I need to thrive.

Who I feel the most for are those who have great parents who die. My best friend lost her father when we were 16. He died suddenly while she and her mom were out of the country at her grandmothers funeral. He never saw her graduate, go on to a successful career, walk her down the aisle or meet his grandsons. Watching her mother cry about all they lost breaks my heart. She doesnt tell stories about how he is missing, she lives her life hoping he is proud of her.

Not to take away from this girls story but it made me roll my eyes. People can either dwell or rise above. I choose to rise above. Her father is an asshole. She should be glad she is done with him.
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:45 AM
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My mother was gone by the time I was 3 and I was raised by my dad. I connected with some of my mother’s family when I was 20 as well as my half-sister which I’m glad to have found. My mother is no longer in my life since I could no deal with her toxic behaviour and the constant lies.

I understand the article the only thing that changes are the moments missed and it’s really the big picture that counts.
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Old 02-04-2016, 11:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Agree. I'll never understand father's who choose not to be there ... nor mothers who choose to exclude them.
This article is great ... it illustrates just how important a father's presence is.
There are lots of step Dads and step Moms out there who strive and succeed in filling that void.
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Old 02-04-2016, 12:55 PM
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There are lots of step Dads and step Moms out there who strive and succeed in filling that void.
I don't think I ever mentioned this on my threads but my father was also non existent. My mom went to school, worked in a restaurant nights, and did everything she could possibly do to make sure I had everything. She got no CS or anything else. Apparently my dad wrote "FU&^ OFF" on the court papersand maild them back to my mom. She decided she didn't need his money or troubles). She's the most amazing lady. She would buy a garbage bag full of presents each X-mas and say they were from my dad .. stuff like that went a long way for me when I was young.

My mom met a nice guy, a farmer who had snowmobiles, 3 wheelers, etc. He had a son (my step bro) and raised me like his own. We went hunting, fishing camping...the whole nine yards. When I played triple A Hockey he would be up at 5:00am for weekend tournaments cheering me on in the stands. Now my dad wants a relationship (he had an accident and now has a brain injury .. his party life is over).

Blood isn't everything. It's who cares for you and "acts" as a parental figure.
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Old 02-04-2016, 01:34 PM
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I think in this case the Mother never actually had another man in her life. It's sa d that there was no one there to fill that void. A Grandfather or perhaps an uncle.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:09 PM
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Both my parents were in my lives and were married until my Dad's passing. This thread has made me reflect a little on that, and while there were some issues with my Dad that were way past the point of even being called bad parenting, there were also many positive experiences and life lessons I learned.

On such lesson is that people are not all bad nor all good. They are fallible and make mistakes and even purposefully do bad things sometimes. I also learned(mostly after I became a parent) that just because he was my dad gave me no right to expect him to be perfect, he is human too.

I will probably always struggle with the bad experiences, but try to remember the positive too. I still always loved him despite some rocky times.

Anyway, this thread just got me to reflecting. Seems to happen easily these days.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:26 PM
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What goes through women's minds who want to get rid of the father:

Life #1:
Child Support + Alimony + Family Benefits = 3000$/month
Bonus: New Boyfriend ~ 1500$/month

Father with shared custody
50% Child Support + 0 Alimony + Family Benefits = 1000$/month


These are also people who filed for divorce under the notion that the "children will survive"... and as long as they "survive" you should be happy....

I love seeing people who file for divorce for stupid reasons get screwed... It's a beautiful thing.... It's even good for their kids to get screwed over because it will eventually change the mindset of people and the law (i.e: no more kids or recognize divorce has major impact on the kids).
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