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Old 12-16-2014, 04:39 PM
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Default Insanity or Stress?

Insanity or stress ?


I suppose it's normal with the divorce trial being very near that the lawyer's are on a feeding frenzy? He's calling me up everyday and emailing me with new numbers and last-minute deals. He keeps throwing new figures at me and I feel like I'm going insane or is this just normal stress? If this keeps up I'm going to have a freeking heart attack before the end of the year.

How the hell is one supposed to make a clear decision when the numbers keep changing every day? I hate this ... what a shitty time to be making important decisions. Lump-sum or SS, keep the house or sell it - the offers change every five minutes! Is this a strategy to confuse the issues to the point where I would accept whatever crappy settlement they propose just to be done with it?

My STBX doesn't know what he wants as usual ... his lawyer is enabling him and salivating at all the billable hours he will be cashing in on! I suppose this is my STBX's last attempt at hurting me for (in his mind) being the reason he has a criminal record?

This is the worst hell of my entire stupid life!
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

End of rant.
Janibel
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Old 12-16-2014, 04:53 PM
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This is what I have done:

Write a draft email to lawyer. Sleep on it. Look at the email the next day and make the revisions THEN hit send. Never make an important decision on the fly. Lord knows you have had to wait long enough for this whole thing. If you need more time then take it. Simply say you have to consult with your financial adviser (which you should anyhow to fully comprehend how this will effect you in the future).

Don't let anyone push you around, particularly at this point.
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Old 12-16-2014, 05:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
This is what I have done:

Write a draft email to lawyer. Sleep on it. Look at the email the next day and make the revisions THEN hit send. Never make an important decision on the fly. Lord knows you have had to wait long enough for this whole thing. If you need more time then take it. Simply say you have to consult with your financial adviser (which you should anyhow to fully comprehend how this will effect you in the future).

Don't let anyone push you around, particularly at this point.
Absolutely, I'm very careful about emails to lawyer at this point in time. I'm convinced that the best solution is to let a judge handle it as even my own lawyer seems unsure as to what would be considered an equitable settlement. He has proposed several solutions and probable outcomes - all of which are well above what the opposing side are offering.

Intimidation and scare tactics have been part of my existence for a while now so what's a couple more weeks or it?

Last edited by Janibel; 12-16-2014 at 05:07 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 12-16-2014, 05:28 PM
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These are coming from the opposing lawyer? Or your lawyer?

If it's the opposing lawyer, inform him that you would appreciate receiving these offers in writing, and that you will require at least a week to consider each one. Should he retract an offer by sending a new one before the week is up, you will have to begin again. Heck, make it two weeks due to the holidays.

This will accomplish several things:

You will get the offers in writing which you can review at your leisure, not being phoned up and pressured.

You will have time to think about the ramifications of accepting the offer on the table. If they send in a new offer before your thinking time is up, you know you can just toss the previous one and start over.

I don't know if it's your ex trying deliberately to stress you out so much as it may be him realizing he won't do well in court and being desperate to avoid it. Try to be encouraged instead of stressed! You could come out of this with a good negotiation!

If it's your lawyer, I guess you tell him pretty much the same thing.

What stops you from making an offer of your own? That's always a good idea. If you know that you want the house sold, and SS to be lump sum, make an offer yourself instead of waiting for his side to suggest it.
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Old 12-16-2014, 06:00 PM
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Go to court, women in long term marriages DESTROY... The judge will be tripping over himself to make sure you live exactly the same life you had before - the ex husband. The only thing I would suggest is make a deal for family patrimony matters because deals made over patrimony issues are not dis chargeable by bankruptcy.

Did your ex beat you? You can sue him for damages....
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Old 12-16-2014, 06:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
These are coming from the opposing lawyer? Or your lawyer?

If it's the opposing lawyer, inform him that you would appreciate receiving these offers in writing, and that you will require at least a week to consider each one. Should he retract an offer by sending a new one before the week is up, you will have to begin again. Heck, make it two weeks due to the holidays.

This will accomplish several things:

You will get the offers in writing which you can review at your leisure, not being phoned up and pressured.

You will have time to think about the ramifications of accepting the offer on the table. If they send in a new offer before your thinking time is up, you know you can just toss the previous one and start over.

I don't know if it's your ex trying deliberately to stress you out so much as it may be him realizing he won't do well in court and being desperate to avoid it. Try to be encouraged instead of stressed! You could come out of this with a good negotiation!

If it's your lawyer, I guess you tell him pretty much the same thing.

What stops you from making an offer of your own? That's always a good idea. If you know that you want the house sold, and SS to be lump sum, make an offer yourself instead of waiting for his side to suggest it.
Yes these offers are from the opposing lawyer and forwarded to me via emails or phone calls from mine. I have proposed 3 offers in 2 and half years - all of which were ignored. Now at a couple of weeks to trial, opposing side wants mediation, negotiation and offers galore ... BS and last minute panicking in my opinion.
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Old 12-16-2014, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Go to court, women in long term marriages DESTROY... The judge will be tripping over himself to make sure you live exactly the same life you had before - the ex husband. The only thing I would suggest is make a deal for family patrimony matters because deals made over patrimony issues are not dis chargeable by bankruptcy.

Did your ex beat you? You can sue him for damages....
Links, you already know that I am in Quebec, and that I do not share your views on how unfairly men are treated in this province. It usually boils down to which spouse has the better lawyer IMO.

As for destroying my ex spouse, I also doubt that. He has been in contempt of court orders and I have seen no consequences so far.
I do agree that court seems the better option as negotiations have proven a waste of time -STBX changes his mind every other day.

Yes he was convicted of assault and battery among other charges ...
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Old 12-16-2014, 07:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
Links, you already know that I am in Quebec, and that I do not share your views on how unfairly men are treated in this province. It usually boils down to which spouse has the better lawyer IMO.

As for destroying my ex spouse, I also doubt that. He has been in contempt of court orders and I have seen no consequences so far.
I do agree that court seems the better option as negotiations have proven a waste of time -STBX changes his mind every other day.

Yes he was convicted of assault and battery among other charges ...
Janibel, ask any of your fellow female posters if court worked out well for them or not (the judges decisions NOT their spouses actions). You will NEVER have to work again EVER. You will get half the assets AND you can ask for a lump sump to help you buy everything you neeed (Car, House, furniture etc...)

As for the contempt, if it serves your interests they will put him in jail.
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Old 12-16-2014, 07:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Janibel, ask any of your fellow female posters if court worked out well for them or not (the judges decisions NOT their spouses actions). You will NEVER have to work again EVER. You will get half the assets AND you can ask for a lump sump to help you buy everything you neeed (Car, House, furniture etc...)

As for the contempt, if it serves your interests they will put him in jail.
Links, I think you are confusing the majority of older Canadian females with Hollywood wives, it is a proven fact that women's lifestyle's take a nose-dive after divorce.
"when a man leaves a childless marriage, his income immediately rises by 25%. Women, however, suffer a sharp fall in income. Their financial position rarely reaches pre-split levels."

It is true that I may NEVER work again, partly because of my age and lack of experience - that translates as financial hardship.
Although I disagree with you I do hope that you are correct. I will be posting the outcome as soon as this mess is done with.

I don't want the STBX sent to jail, that would only serve to make him angrier than he is now .... not in my best interests at all.
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Old 12-16-2014, 08:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
Links, I think you are confusing the majority of older Canadian females with Hollywood wives, it is a proven fact that women's lifestyle's take a nose-dive after divorce.
"when a man leaves a childless marriage, his income immediately rises by 25%. Women, however, suffer a sharp fall in income. Their financial position rarely reaches pre-split levels."

It is true that I may NEVER work again, partly because of my age and lack of experience - that translates as financial hardship.
Although I disagree with you I do hope that you are correct. I will be posting the outcome as soon as this mess is done with.

I don't want the STBX sent to jail, that would only serve to make him angrier than he is now .... not in my best interests at all.
You will get 40% of his monthly income. On top of it your legal fees will be paid by him, you will have the assets of the split. For the 60% he has remaining he will have to go slave 40hrs/week and then come home do all the thing s you may have done (housework) and he will have to pay for the cost of working (commute, eating, clothing etc....).
While he is at work you can take vacations during low season at minimal cost and see the world. THEN if you manage to get married you will STILL get your spousal support and split your expenses with your new hunny. I envy you. Those stats are BS I read cases all thw time in long term marriages they will NEVER let you go without.
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