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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 01:05 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East York
Posts: 130
lorlaman is on a distinguished road

Ok break it up or get married already!
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 01:33 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 41
distraught is on a distinguished road

Thanks for your response Rioe, I appreciate it very much. I think in the midst of the anger on this forum which I initially started as a rant turned into an all out attack on everything I was saying. All I want is what is best for my children, I do agree that they need to deal with him but they are afraid of him to the point where my daughter is afraid to ask him anything and she s 17! They have had to deal with a lot as have I, but as stated I have "sucked it up" I am happy for having had the strength finally to leave and I regret that I didn't sooner. I am a much stronger person today and wont allow anyone to walk all over me ever again or treat me any less then I deserve as a human being to be treated. Also let me point out that he barely see's his kids maybe once every 2 months if that.

I feel obligated as a parent at the very least to have him pay for some type of counselling for them to help them deal with all that they have been through. The separation agreement is not even filed in court! at his orders because he refused to do a financial statement as the numbers would not add up, again he hides a lot of cash money. I know I still have some issues when it comes to him and some of them will never get resolved but I live with it and I make strides everyday to move forward, I also have ptsd from all that was caused by him and I am working on getting over that. My children and myself are dealing with a lot and again as I stated in a rant that turned nto whole mess, I don't feel its fair that he gets to walk away from all that he has burdened us with and left us to deal with. There possibly may be nothing I can do but I will not give up without some type of fight.
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 03:12 AM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 31
LotusLand47 is on a distinguished road


CS on 3 kids @ 200k = 3500 / month.
SS if applicable => tops you up to 40% of the net disposable income of the two of you (after the CS is paid).

Re CS for adult kids (oxymoron) Read this paper
Child Support for Adult Children: When Does Economic Childhood End? by Nicholas Bala :: SSRN
and ignore these idiots - and they are ALL idiots.

the counselling fees should be section 7 expenses. If you don't know what this means, you need to invest a week (40 hours) in research and reading.

a final word of advise. chill - this is all business.
It will cost you 20k. BUT if HE makes 200K you will have half of your families assets to draw from.

Engage a lawyer - tomorrow.
If he won't provide financial disclosure, the fight has really already started and you need to defend yourself with proper representation.
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 03:14 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 300
beebie is on a distinguished road

Encourage Dad to keep helping the kids informally ; if he earns that much, he probably will still help out somewhat.

But you signed a contract; how would you like it if he decides to renege on his part of the contract.

You could try getting more spousal support since he's not paying child support anymore and you have health issues depending on how binding your separation agreement was. Did you both get independent legal advice? Again , you signed a contract but courts could overturn it if it was unfair.
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 05:15 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 300
beebie is on a distinguished road

Just for the sake of argument, note that the Divorce Act actually doesn't mandate that children of the marriage have to be students. They can be unemployed and unable to support themselves due to "other cause" like crap job market and get support after 18 yrs.:

“child of the marriage” means a child of two spouses or former spouses who, at the material time,
(a) is under the age of majority and who has not withdrawn from their charge, or
(b) is the age of majority or over and under their charge but unable, by reason of illness, disability or other cause, to withdraw from their charge or to obtain the necessaries of life;

The provincial statutes usually require full time enrollment in school if over 18 and dependent.

But it sounds like you signed an agreement which would override the Divorce Act if it was a proper contract and properly signed.
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 07:32 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,241
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road

Originally Posted by distraught View Post
I am not questioning your abuse and I am sorry that happened to you , but truly being abused and controlled by someone you do not see the option to leave. I don't need anything sugar coated, If you chose to let your ex get away with the abuse that was your choice. Mine will be a different route. I don't need anyone to hold my hand either and if I needed help from my parents, there door is always open as mine will always be for my children.
Who said i let him get away with it?? My option and choice was to get out before he tried to kill me again.

As for your comment about "truly being abused and controlled"n I am so insulted by that. He cut me off from friends and family, i had to account for every minute i wasnt with him and if i was later then what he thought getting back from the store that was good enough for getting hit as he thought i had to be having sex with some guy in the alley not that they had to change the tape on the cash register or the store was busy. He even accused me of sleeping with his brother and said it to me in front of his brother. How dare you say that i wasnt "truly abused"

I made the choice to get out and heal. No amount of money was going to make up for what he did to me, it wasnt going to remove the physical scars or the emotional ones. I got a restraining order against him and that was that.
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 09:18 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 41
distraught is on a distinguished road

Thank you Lotus land 47 for being helpful , very much appreciated!!

Standing on the side lines, I was not referring to you about being abused and controlled, I was referring to myself as you wrote prior why did I not leave earlier. He had total control over everything and much like yourself I was followed , was not allowed to go grocery shopping without him, was cut off from all friends and eventually from all my family.

As far as the separation agreement goes, he refused to go to a lawyer said he would not spend the money, I went and had it drawn up, and used my credit card to pay for it! he received a copy and laughed, he literally just laughed he re wrote it all up again no financial disclosure not personal nor for his business.He gave me numbers with no proof, when I asked for a financial disclosure on his business his words were to take what he was offering or he would make sure I would get nothing (he has a crooked accountant too) As Rioe said just never having to deal with him again being priceless and at that time I just wanted him gone and not have to deal with him anymore, I was very glad that I could walk through my front door and there was no yelling or name calling or getting hit because it took me to long to pick up the kids from school. He makes well over $200.000 a year and there is no talking to him about helping, I actually really don't talk to him. I am happy in every aspect of my life today , I am free of him.My children are my life, although married I raised them alone. As I have state I think many times already he beat these kids, closed fisted punched the crap out of them for no reason! we were not allowed to speak at the dinner table he had to read his paper and if you dared speak you got his dinner or his plate thrown at you. This man destroyed our lives and when it is all said and done he just turns his back and goes on while I will struggle with my children adults, young teens or whatever, to me then there is no justice, our family law sucks! After 18 years of this I find it hard to swallow that he will not be held responsible in anyway.I have letter upon letter from my physician regarding the abuse as to why I suffer the illnesses that I do and it all points to him. It will be 4 years next year separated and I still question if I can stand up to him in court!
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 09:32 AM
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough

You have an agreement, the assets are split and he is paying support. Why on earth would you go to court?

If you want to launch a civil suit for damages due to the abuse, you are in the wrong forum. It has nothing to do with family law. You won't get a ruling like that in family court. You need to talk to a civil lawyer specializing in personal damages.

The ending of child support is black and white, it isn't your choice and your opinion is irrelevent. You won't get it. That is the law.

You are coming across as though you want to use the family court to seek extended support for adults who are educated and fully capable of supporting themselves, just because you want to punish him. The family courts are not there to be used like that and you will get shot down immediately.

I'm not saying this to criticize you, I'm saying it because you are barking up the wrong tree, you are wasting your emotions, your time and your energy.

If anything you do is motivated by him, then he is still controlling your life. Any decision you make about him, means he is still in your head controlling your thoughts.

You aren't healing yourself by attacking him, either in court or here on the forum. You heal by walking away and living your life without thought of him.

Trying to link yourself to him for even more years by extending support for the kids isn't freeing yourself, it's keeping you connected, financially and emotionally.

As to the issue of how much he makes compared to how much he earns, and his "crooked accountant", this is ridiculous to worry about. You settled out of court. Any settlement out of court is going to be a compromise. You compromised. You avoided court and the legal costs which would have eaten up the family assets and put under 10x more stress and 10x more medication. You have a compromise settlement, if he was mean and laughed about it doesn't change that it is a settlement and probably similar to what you'd have gotten in a mediator's office.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 09:54 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 41
distraught is on a distinguished road

You are 100% right concerning the issue of stress and medication, that's why I just agreed. Lets put the kids aside for a moment how do you feel regarding spousal support in this matter? do you feel then that all spouses that get spousal for life if married over 20 years I believe it is are connected to their ex? or is that okay because the law says it is? How would you then tell me to proceed in getting more the 8 years of spousal support after 18 years of marriage ( put everything else aside) I don't think the CRA would find it ridiculous that he claims $50,000 and that's what he bases all payments on... sorry if I am wrong here but would that not Tick you off!! I am not attacking him I am stating facts, I am in no way emotionally attached to him... please... lol well at least I did get a chuckle at that one. I feel after all that went on and what he did that he needs to acknowledge it, and pay for it, I may get laughed out of a court room but at least I know I tried.
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 10:04 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 41
distraught is on a distinguished road

HA HA HA!! thanks for that!! I went from a chuckle to an all out laugh!! You seem miserable, can I bake you a cake? I do specialty cakes and catering as well. I am already picturing the type of cake I would design for you LOL!!! LOL!!!
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