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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-31-2011, 04:38 PM
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Billm, I highly doubt they would live with the man that beat them up when he was around and coming down off his alcohol binges. Seems highly unlikely to me. you are right it is entirely up to him I feel helpless, I feel guilt and remorse for what happened to them and there is where my anger lies he destroyed all our lives . That is where I don't find any peace in this. He took away my voice, cut me off friends an family the abuse that I speak of and what he did was to the extreme and at the end of it all I say it again he just walks away.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 08-31-2011, 05:06 PM
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I don't believe anyone suggested you kick them out but there is no reason AT ALL that they can't get a job to pay their way at home until they can afford to move out. Money is money, whether they earn it flipping burgers or having a career so let them go flip burgers until they find their feet. It`s what most people do, not sure why it`s not good enough for your kids too.
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Old 08-31-2011, 09:17 PM
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i feel for you but at the same time if you raised your kids right, then they will want to spread their wings and leave home. Once they are done school that is what happens, kids leave the nest. For you to expect him to support them after that is unrealistic. I never once thought my parents should support me after I was done school. Their deal was we had the summer off after the last day of school and then we had to find a job. Sure they still paid for food and a roof over our head but that was it. We could use the second car just for going to look for a job but we were expected to save up and buy our own car. They did not provide spending money, clothes or stuff like that, just food and shelter. For you to think he should support them isnt showing the kids how to be adults, it is just giving them a sense of entitlement and that isnt good.
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Old 08-31-2011, 10:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead10 View Post
perhaps a good way to start would be to show your kids what it means to support yourself rather then living off of someone.
Ha ha ha, I met my ex 25 years ago, in the 25 years, she rarely worked. Now I have to pay her spousal support, because she lived off me and doesn't know how to work, and this would be long term so I guess I'm on the hook for the next 25 years. Buy one get one free deal. For each year I supported her, she gets a year free!

Kids need to grow up and your ex is not your life long meal ticket. Then again, we do have social assistance for those who feel working cramps their style. Sorry, my turn to rant.

I do have some advice; get your kids in politics, after two terms they have a life long pension! Saaaaaawwwwwweeeeeet!
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Old 08-31-2011, 10:24 PM
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My 16 yr. dd just texted me from the camp where she is working for free this week as a working student (and has for 3 other weeks this summer), telling me she is not enjoying this week and would have liked to have spent the last week of summer having fun. If the camp likes her style, she's got a paid job next year, for $350.00/week.

I rolled my eyes and told her to grin and bear it.. I too would like to not work this last week of summer, but if you want those designer jeans (which I'm not paying for), you need to bring home some bacon.

I also expect her to work her way through university as well, we are definitely contributing (as we would have if we were still married), but I am not bankrolling the entire education, nor do I expect my ex too. And she shouldn't expect it either.

Hmm lorlaman, she was thinking optometry, but maybe I should be pushing her towards politics!
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 08-31-2011, 11:19 PM
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Wow, some very bitter people on here, slughead10 that is quite a strong and very bitter comment to make. My oldest who is in university does work in the summer and loves his job, as he is studying police fundamentals and forensics and will be in his second year this year, he does not contribute to the household in anyway.He has purchased his own vehicle and he pays for that, I by no means am or have raised children with no direction or responsibility . I am starting to think from most of these comments come from some issues that some of you have... Just for the record he is not my "meal ticket" its his obligation to pay and to take care of his children and me until deemed otherwise by a judge. Well I can say this when I posted I was upset and angry now I am seeing that I need to file my separation agreement an be compensated for the abuse that he put upon my family, he needs to pay for therapy for these kids and I will fight to get a court order for that and he needs to compensate me for all the years of physical, emotional and mental abuse that he caused, it's the least he can do for all the hits to the face, kicked around on the floor,shoved into walls and blocking the punches to my kids that resulted in 2 black eyes for me and a chipped bone in my elbow. having said that I do thank you all for your reply's. As for the mocking of going on social assistance... nah its not for me beside I own far to much I would never get accepted : ) ohhh and just so you know lorlaman I have started a business from my home so I do work!! I am a professional cake designer with a culinary degree my friend... problem is they don't want there chefs on the floor in fetal position during a panic attack!
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Old 08-31-2011, 11:32 PM
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geesh I was abused also but i did not want compensation for the knive to the throat or loaded gun pointed at my head. I just wanted out. I had more then two black eyes in my time with my first ex. You had the option to leave him and you didnt. I know that it is hard but everyone reaches their breaking point. If you tell a judge you want money for the abuse, they are just going to tell you that you could have left. Your sense of entitlement is really out there. He should pay CS and maybe SS for a limited time but you have to get your act together and get a job, if your meds make you tired then talk to the doctor about getting them changed.

You have to make some postives steps in your life or maybe you should go home to your parents and expect them to support you like you expect your ex to support the kids into their 50s. After all according to you it is what parents do. If you do not like the responses I am sorry but sugar-coating doesnt point out the flaws in your logic. People are blunt and straight to the point. If you want hand holding and people telling you what you want to hear then this is not the place for you.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 08-31-2011, 11:38 PM
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I am not questioning your abuse and I am sorry that happened to you , but truly being abused and controlled by someone you do not see the option to leave. I don't need anything sugar coated, If you chose to let your ex get away with the abuse that was your choice. Mine will be a different route. I don't need anyone to hold my hand either and if I needed help from my parents, there door is always open as mine will always be for my children.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 12:44 AM
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Oh I love reality, live it everyday, if you read the post you will see I have stated that I do work! now I get the bitterness from your posts .. your bitter!! maybe you should have fought a bit harder and then you wouldn't have all the resentment that you apparently have. Oh have sucked it up too but hopefully I will sink him down, its called taking my power back.. you should try it.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 09-01-2011, 01:03 AM
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Don't worry, Distraught, what you're experiencing on this forum is just the standard newcomer wake-up-call. This isn't a forum that sympathizes with you, but it will give you the goods and a wealth of experience, and help you get your head on straight for when you are up against worse in court.

As for your particular situation, yes, it does suck that child support will end when your children graduate, even if they can't find jobs and continue to live with you and create expenses. But you know it's coming and you can budget and plan for it ahead of time.

Or, maybe you can convince the kids to go to graduate school, and your ex to keep paying.

Or, spousal for eight years after an eighteen year marriage is kind of a bad agreement. Maybe you should ask a lawyer if that can be reopened, as it sounds like you may have signed under duress.

Or, maybe you can decide that peace of mind from not having to deal with him ever again is priceless, and make a go of it on your own, and let your kids deal with him as adults by themselves.

Family law isn't perfect, and no it doesn't always approximate what would have happened had the family stayed intact, and it certainly doesn't compensate for having been abused. That's the wrong approach to take.

Last edited by Rioe; 09-01-2011 at 01:08 AM.
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