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Old 02-11-2016, 10:53 AM
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Default How to stay focused and positive

Not related to D or GD but having a lot of upheaval in my own life right now and feeling a little frustrated and not in control. Struggling to stay focused on one task at a time and not get overwhelmed by all of the upcoming changes and issues I am facing.

Tips for staying focused and positive?
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Old 02-11-2016, 10:59 AM
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Take time for yourself daily. Try to organize issues into what you can solve now and what can be solved later. Try to get out and exercise or do something you enjoy to take your mind off it all. Ask for support or even just an ear.
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:14 AM
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"Whatever was going to hit you, was never going to miss you and whatever was going to miss you was never going to hit you...."
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:17 AM
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As a parent and a grandparent you must be feeling rather helpless?

I have read many times, and experienced, that not knowing the outcome of things in life is extremely stressful. The well-known saying "accept the things we cannot change..." comes to mind. How does one do this?

Throughout my 6 year court ordeal, when things were continually up-in-the-air, I found it helpful to compartmentalize. I also found great relief in cleaning. I helped many friends with their home organizing projects. I rediscovered the public library and read upwards of 6 books every week.

Other activities which helped me to cope included:
- purging closets, cupboards
- getting together with friends that I hadn't seen or whom I had avoided. This was one of the more difficult things. I set personal goals on how to have a conversation with someone without talking about my current legal/financial difficulties.

OF course, volunteering for a charity is a very good thing. Through doing this a person gets a realistic jolt at how insignificant our problems really are compared to those who have really BIG problems.

If you don't work perhaps try to find a part-time job. I am very fortunate to have been employed throughout most of the 6 years post-separation. This has kept focus off myself.

Keep busy.
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:29 AM
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Thanks guys, for the tips and responses. I do work full time and have been at the same company for over half of my life. That may soon change unfortunately though.

It is the unknown factors that are the worst for me in the various issues that are going on right now and most issues are kind of coming to a head in the next few weeks all at the same time. I am fairly good with the worst of news when I know what is going on, but I really struggle with so many factors still up in the air.

Looking at having to move but no place yet, spouse extremely ill and my potential job loss.

I thank god every day for my amazing GD who loves me and makes me smile no matter what.

I am usually a very positive person and cope well with hard times, just feeling kind of emotional lately and not focusing well. Just need to give myself a shake I guess.

Thanks for listening, it helps.
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Old 02-11-2016, 11:40 AM
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Moving, in itself, is a huge stress - particularly if you've been living in the same place for a long time.

Now is a good time to look at financial worst-case scenario. Prepare a careful budget. You may be disappointed at having to scale down your expectations insofar as your next home, but remember that a home is you and your family. You can make a really crappy place quite nice. Be careful to not add stress to your life by opting for a place that you can't afford and find yourself having to move again in a year. Weigh the benefits of renting as opposed to purchasing and vice-versa. Perhaps its time to toss the furniture and budget for new stuff?

Make lists. As you accomplish the things on your list you will feel really good.

Focus on the positive - you have to move... envision your GD's room or play-space..... envision how you can improve the area for your husband? (different bed for his illness? etc.).

Part-time employment may open the door for other opportunities?
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Old 02-11-2016, 03:00 PM
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I find making To Do Lists and then timelines for completing the To Do List really helps to keep you focused and is the best time management aid. You find you get the things done in a timely efficient manner and then can concentrate on looking after your nutritional needs, sleep patterns and relaxation time. Just being able to cross off some unpleasant task as done will give you some closure.

When we have some unpleasant tasks ahead then we tend to sit and procrastinate which just makes things worse.
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Old 02-11-2016, 08:08 PM
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Yoga!

There is nothing like an hour of sun salutations and asana practice to rejuvenate and clear your head.

And yoga is for everyone, all ages. If you don't feel you can do a vigorous ashtanga practice, you can practice a calmer yin. There are so many different styles, but each are designed to get you onto a mat, self-reflect and re-adjust your focus.
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Old 02-12-2016, 12:40 AM
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I'm sorry you have so much stress in your life right now. I second the recommendations for list-making (and checking off), exercise and yoga. Getting outside for a change of scenery sometimes helps too - just being in different surroundings can sometimes "reboot" the worrying centres in your brain.
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Old 02-12-2016, 03:41 AM
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It may help if you have someone who can help. I tried to use the counsellor through our EAP at work. For me it was totally useless, so I got a psychologist who has an understanding of family law. She got me into meditation. It helps, but you need to rinse and repeat for it to be effective.

One mistake I did make was not listening to her. She offered me a stress leave note in December, I was let go from work in Jan due to how my work performance having been impacted by all of this court !@#$

I had done a lot of the wrong things - pushing those close to me away because I didn't want to bring my rays of negativity into their lives. Its really the wrong approach, I now make a point of trying to keep those social outlets still open.
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