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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #81 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2013, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by SadAndTired View Post
When I have quoted her emails to him, he doesn't even know what she has written. Real helpful.
Wow, that is pathetic and would definitely drive me up the wall. My partner approves all emails.
  #82 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2013, 02:06 PM
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You can't control what the other parent / ex-spouse does and whom they consult with when responding to your messages. Rather than focusing on who may have helped write a letter... Focus on seeking out solutions and not problems.
I would agree with Tayken that you should always try to be positive and seek solutions. However parenting solutions sometimes do require involvement from both parties who negotiate in good faith.

I've had a personal experience (with the person I mentioned earlier) who literally did things to try create constant chaos and literally would strive to not find solutions. I think there are just people who thrive on creating entropy within relationships. They are people who aren't happy with themselves and seek to make others feel the same way. They're classic for trying to pit one person against another...particularly within families. I'm not discussing my own ex...or his gf (I don't know if he's seeing anyone) but some of the stories from other posters on here lead me to believe that their ex's fit that description.

I would suggest when dealing with ex's or their new partner's who operate in this vein...you actually try to go around them or limit contact with them to a bare minimum. Increased conflict with these types ALWAYS means increased problems. In my experience, there is no rational way that you can deal with these types of people...they seek to get you to operate at their level. You literally have to rid your life of them or if you can't do that, avoid them as much as possible.
  #83 (permalink)  
Old 08-22-2013, 02:47 PM
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I would agree with Tayken that you should always try to be positive and seek solutions. However parenting solutions sometimes do require involvement from both parties who negotiate in good faith.
I agree and the key point is highlighted above. What a lot of people may possibly be doing is ignoring the content of the message and the possibility for resolution to the problem because of a personal emotional filter based on the messenger. Often, it is best not to shoot the messenger - especially if they are doing it in "good faith".

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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I've had a personal experience (with the person I mentioned earlier) who literally did things to try create constant chaos and literally would strive to not find solutions. I think there are just people who thrive on creating entropy within relationships. They are people who aren't happy with themselves and seek to make others feel the same way. They're classic for trying to pit one person against another...particularly within families.
This pattern of behaviour is easily observed in a number of interpersonal relationships and are not limited to familial relationships. This message board serves as a prime example I feel to these types of people you have outlined PH.

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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I would suggest when dealing with ex's or their new partner's who operate in this vein...you actually try to go around them or limit contact with them to a bare minimum.
Outside the context of a familial relationship (parent to parent) in the real world people are often able to simply "ignore" these people. Their consistent attempts to create chaos just sits out in the public forum. When the intended target of blame fails to respond to their constant attacks and distortion campaign it is them who eventually look like total idiots.

Unfortunately, a parent to parent relationship is not like this message board where you can fortunately "ignore" the noise from those who "literally did things to try create constant chaos".

Limiting contact and operating in parallel (which is what you are recommending) often produces better results.

Some times it is best to "ignore" these people and let them spew their nonsense. Eventually one day they will realize they/or their nonsense is being ignored and either stop or continue but, with no impact on their target of blame.

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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
Increased conflict with these types ALWAYS means increased problems. In my experience, there is no rational way that you can deal with these types of people...they seek to get you to operate at their level. You literally have to rid your life of them or if you can't do that, avoid them as much as possible.
In many situations it is best to "ignore" these people and not even respond to the nonsense and transparent attempts to create conflict.

Oh, and in my original comments - what happens in blended families? Whereby someone has children with two different people or both sets of parents in fact do? The other partners of those parents to the half-siblings in the dispute becomes incredibly relevant when contemplating Rule 24 of the CLRA. The conversation in this thread seems to negate the fact of blended families and the need to manage the children in a much larger context.

People move on, get remarried and often extend their families. Half-siblings come into play quite often. Suggesting that the parent to the half sibling's opinion and input to a solution to a problem isn't relevant nor should be allowed would looking at the problem with horse blinders on in my opinion.


You can either be the type of person who seeks to resolve problems or creates them or wonders why there is even a problem in the first place. I would recommend to everyone to be the person who resolves problems...

Good Luck!
Tayken

Last edited by Tayken; 08-22-2013 at 02:54 PM.
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